Warrior of the Heart
by JimboS
Summary: Xander finally finds out that he's good at something, but can he contol his new gift or will it control him?. Takes place after season 1. (WIP)
1. Chapters 1-5

Warrior of the Heart  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they all belong to Joss.  
  
Summary: Xander finally finds out that he is good at something. Takes Place after season one after that anything goes.  
  
E-mail: RaistlinM1@aol.com  
  
Feedback: Hey why not.  
  
Author's note: This is my first fic ever so please help me out. Tell me if you like it or not just try and be kind.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
As Xander walks along his patrol route toward the one of Sunnydale's parks he begins to contemplate his reasons for patrolling. He begins to numerate his reasons to himself while counting them on his fingers.  
  
"Well I don't think I could let somebody die when I can save them, and I really don't have anything better to do with my time, and if it gets me away from the folks it can't be all bad." Xander softly laughs at his last two superficial reasons for patrolling, but he also knows the truth behind his late night excursions.  
  
You need to prove to the world that you are worth something. To prove to your father that he is wrong about you. Xander didn't like that particular voice in his head it always seemed to tell him the truths in his soul that he didn't want to hear. And let us not forget Buffy. You know you love her, and you can't deny it. It would be easier if it was just a crush, but crushes don't feel like this. You're doing this to get closer to her.  
  
Xander stops at the sign welcoming visitors to the park and consciously turns his mind away from thoughts of his father and Buffy before continuing on his path into the park. His mind begin to remember a night spent in the park before him when he made his decision to patrol Sunnydale until Buffy's return.  
  
Flash back  
  
"Goodnight Will." Said Xander as he turned to head back to home.  
  
He had just spent an evening with his best friend Willow watching a non- vampire movie and was reveling in the fact that he didn't have to worry about a peril greater than the possibility of running out of popcorn. Now he was leaving his second home at Willow's house to return to a house that held no love or pleasant memories.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay to go out by yourself? This is Sunnydale." His best friend said with a look of concern on her face. She knew of the dangers of Sunnydale at night, and she didn't want her best friend out alone. She wished that Buffy wasn't in LA so she could make sure he got home okay.  
  
"Yeah. I'll be fine it seems that the Hellmouth has gotten less Hellmouthy now that the Master is gone. Don't worry about me I'll be fine." He flashed her a crooked grin and began to make his way home. Willow could only watch him walk away and hope that he wouldn't do anything stupid.  
  
'Stupid' is an entirely relative term. To Willow running into a fight blindly would be considered stupid, but Xander didn't have the time to stop and think and in looking back he would have done it again. The moment he heard the screaming followed by the telltale growl of a vampire he was sprinting toward the park and the sound of the struggle. Of course Xander realized that what he would find would not resemble a struggle and would probably be classified as a blood bath. Xander pulled a stake and cross out of his pocket as his heart began to pound as the realization that he could die within the next few minutes coupled with the shot of adrenaline coursing through his body. What Xander saw as he entered the playground within the park caused his blood to freeze and boil at the same time. Three vampires were surrounding a jungle gym holding a frightened teenage couple cowering in the center. The young girl was passed out inside with a large gash on her neck, and the boy was standing over her with his attention split between trying to revive his date, holding his bloodied arm against his side and trying to keep the vampires away. Needless to say he wasn't doing any of those things particularly well. Xander gave the couple about five more seconds before they died baring some sort of distraction. Luckily Xander was cooking up a large distraction for the toothy threesome that involved a bit of staking and dusting. Xander ran full tilt at the congregation of vampires and drove his stake into the back and heart of the first vampire. The sound of their comrade turning into the dust drew the attention of the other two vampires which was a relief the young man inside the metal cage of the jungle gym, but Xander was slightly less thrilled to be on the receiving end of the vampire's predatory gaze. Just great Xander all you wanted in your life is a little attention and now you've got it. Stupid Hellmouth be careful what you whish for moral lessons. So Xander decided to try to intimidate the vampires into leaving. He did his best Buffy imitation and tried his best cold heartless tone "Hey fang boys. Maybe you should turn tail and run before this ends very dirty and dusty for everyone involved." This didn't have the desired effect for Xander the two vampires only roared and leapt at Xander with the ferocity of a pack of wild dogs. While Xander was not a particularly good fighter his years of avoiding the blows of his drunken father had given him the skills that he used to stay alive during the first few seconds of the vampire onslaught. Those first few seconds were a blur for Xander as he was only able to avoid and accept the slashes and punches while using his cross and stake to keep the vampires from closing in and delivering a killing strike. As the fight wore on Xander began forming a strategy to alleviate the pressure of the fight and the only way to that was to kill a vampire. Biding his time Xander waited for the right moment when the vampire on his right made a lung for his legs in hopes of tripping him. Xander quickly punched out with his left hand while holding the cross and delivered a solid blow to the left vampire's face stunning him momentarily and spun to the left behind the stunned vampire bringing himself out of the lunging vampire's reach. The vamp in front of Xander only had a moment to berate himself for his stupidity before he felt the stake drive through his back and he burst into dust.  
  
Xander turned to the remaining vampire forming a plan to end the fight quickly. "I wonder what it's like to spend the rest of eternity in a dust buster?" He asked the vamp try to make him charge in blindly to close for a hand to hand struggle. Luckily for Xander the vamp was too blinded by fear and rage to realize that he was throwing his body on to the out stretched stake and erupted into a cloud of dust, which settled upon Xander in a thin layer. Xander walked slowly over to the couple leaning against the outside of the jungle gym shaking the dust from his hair, and he was happy to see that the girl was awake and that he hadn't been too late to save the couple.  
  
"You guys had better come with me those cuts won't stitch themselves. We need to get you two to the hospital." Xander began talking to the bewildered couple who seemed about to either scream or pass out from shock. Seeing that the two were about to lose it he decided to change tactics and drop his cool superhero attitude and try a little comforting. Turning to the frightened boy he flashed him a comforting smile while asking reassuringly, "so what's your name?"  
  
Xander could see the question enter the boy's eyes and begin to rattle around until the answer was found. "My names Tommy and my girlfriend's name is Sarah." With that information the fear began to recede from the boys face to be replaced by the slackness of shock.  
  
"You guys really shouldn't be out at night you can get into serious trouble." Xander realized that that was a stupid thing to say ask he saw understanding slowly dawn on Tommy about how closely he really had come to death.  
  
"I don't suppose you have a car do you?" He asked the couple hoping for a quick way to get to the hospital.  
  
Tommy only nodded while pointing to a blue 1999 mustang sitting in the parking lot and produced the keys to the car from his pocket. "Good. Follow me and we'll get you put back together." Xander then took the keys from the boy and stooped down and picked up the girl who seemed about to slip into unconsciousness at any time.  
  
Tommy was left leaning against the metal bars on the jungle gym staring in astonishment at the dark haired boy who had saved the life of his girl friend and himself. He couldn't stop from himself from wondering what could have happened if the boy hadn't stepped in to save him. He heard Xander tell Sarah that she was going to be okay, which finally pulled him out of his musing long enough to hurry over to the car while hold his injured arm against his side trying unsuccessfully to stem the flow of blood.  
  
After opening the door and getting in Tommy finally looked down at his arm and saw that the entire right side of his gray sweater was stained red with his own blood along with his pants. The sight of his own blood in such quantities was too much for him to take and he passed out. The next thing Tommy remembered was hearing the horn on his car being honked loudly and a group of doctors and nurses asking him what his name was and what had happened.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Xander thought of the couple he had saved along with the few others he had saved during his two weeks of being a replacement slayer, and the thought that he had made a difference in some peoples' lives brought a smile to his face. That smile was quickly lost when he remember lying to Willow about where he got the bruises on his face, but of course he didn't lie to her he only avoided the question until she dropped it. Of course it wasn't that out of the ordinary. He had been explaining bruises ever since he was five and his dad decided that hitting his mom wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. He had decided not to tell Willow or Giles about his patrols because they would only tell him that it was too dangerous and not his job.  
  
Xander took out his stake and calmly began to twirl it around between his fingers. He felt that his skills had improved since his first night, but he is not stupid. He knows that he is no match for a group of vamps like Buffy, but he felt that he could slay two or three if he had to.  
  
Xander's thoughts were interrupted by the shrill scream of a child coming from the park. It seems that Xander's heart decided at that moment to climb up into the driver's seat of the Xander shaped car. All thoughts and all plans flew out of his head to be replaced by the resounding beats of his heart as it kept tempo with his feet as they hit the ground propelling him toward a fight he knew he could not turn down. Xander burst through the bushes surrounding the playground and charged the first form he saw his heart screaming for the death of those without a pulse. Xander rushed the circle of vamps pushing his stake through the back and heart of the closest demon and kept pushing until the resistance before him burst into dust leaving him in the center of the circle. Inside the circle of fangs Xander found a woman with her back against a large oak tree holding off the pale snarling wall of death with a large log she must have picked up from under the tree. Behind the woman was a slight blonde girl who was crying. Xander felt a smile curl his lips as he couldn't help thinking that Buffy must have looked like that when she was a child. The smile faded from his mouth quickly as he finally counted the number of vamps and realized that he had stumbled upon a pack of ten hungry vampires.  
  
"Lady, are you okay?" Xander asked over his shoulder as he brought his cross to bear against the pack.  
  
"I think so." She replied, her voice quivering as Xander slowly backed up until he was standing next to her.  
  
"Here take this." Xander said as he handed the scared woman his only cross and then pulled out another stake from his pants pocket. "I want you to follow me out of this circle then take the girl and run home."  
  
Before Xander lunged at his first target a serene calm swept over him as his brain told him that he was about to die. Xander didn't like that voice and decided to listen to his heart instead, since his heart seemed to think that he was going to get out alive.  
  
The ferocity of Xander's charge surprised everyone involved. Stakes cut through the air with a silent whisper that spoke of death to any that were close enough to listen. Xander felt his instincts forgotten since his hyena possession surface as he listened to his heart. Giving into his instincts and anger Xander ducked the unseen blow heading for the back of his neck while entering under the blow positioning himself to the unprotected side of the eager vampire. Xander didn't have time to taunt his defeated foe or congratulate himself due to the abundance of other opponents who would be more than happy to taunt his head while they ripped it from his body. The only taunt was delivered with perfect timing at the end of the stake as it plunged into the vamp's black heart and the only congratulations came from the rewarding sound of a vampire meeting the dustier side of unlife.  
  
The battle ensued for the better part of ten minutes before Xander's head began to catch up with his heart again letting finally feel the burning in his arms and lungs along with the pain of the shallow cuts and gashes covering his body like a macabre road map. Xander was able to count the remaining vampires and felt a strange sense of as he only counted four vampires remaining meaning he had dusted seven vamps by himself. His pride in his accomplishment and counting abilities was swept out from along with his legs as the uncounted fifth vamp drove his shoulder into the back of Xander's legs causing him to fall onto his back awkwardly causing him to wrench his back painfully. Xander was on his feet in the blink of an eye realizing that he only had one stake left with no time to look for the other. His heart fell into his stomach as loneliness overpowered him as he admitted to himself that he was seconds from dying alone and in an excruciatingly painful way. Tension filled the air as the vamps prepared for the rush that would lead to what they felt was long over due and well deserved feed.  
  
Suddenly a dark figure stood before Xander placing himself between the bloodied boy and the salivating vampires. What happened next will always be a mystery to Xander because his body decided to betray him by passing out from blood loss. While struggling to maintain consciousness Xander heard sounds of fighting, which was interrupted every few seconds by the unmistakable sound of vampires being turned into dust until the fighting stopped after the fifth dusting. Xander then felt strong arms pull him onto the figure's shoulder and a calm soothing voice speak softly.  
  
"That was very brave boy but very stupid as well you have much to learn." He couldn't quite comprehend the meaning of the words but the voice was comforting. It was soft and mature with the hint of an eastern accent full of knowledge and wisdom, which was a soft comfort to him before the elevation change brought him into the dark comforting embrace of unconsciousness.  
  
End of Chapter 1  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The cool damp cloth resting on Xander's forehead transfers waves of calm into the battered boy's pounding head. The softness of the cotton cloth, the weight of the water held within, and the cool embrace it wrapped around Xander's head and mind is all that he wishes to feel. Xander's love for the simple cloth knows no bounds at the moment giving him something pleasant to focus on instead of the pain flowing along his many wounds like a morbid mass transit system running along his arms and across his chest.  
  
Xander had lost all sense of time when he passed out in the park, so he could not tell how long he lay on the soft pallet before he realized that he should be dead at the moment with his body lying in a bloody heap in the park. Xander knew from the pain in his chest he was not dead, and the soft cot under him lead him to believe that he was no longer in the park. He did not know what had saved him, but he knew that he owed whoever came to his rescue a large thank you on behalf of himself and the mousy red head who would never forgive him for dying in a park leaving her alone.  
  
Xander now had a purpose and a goal if only a short-term one. He slowly willed his eyes to open and adjust to the dim light that painfully flooded into his brown eyes. Xander first attempt to sit up met with little reward as he fell back onto the soft blanket feeling his body yelling at his mind for being stupid enough the try and move without their consent. After several tries Xander was finally able to bring himself upright allowing him to finally orient himself with his strange surroundings.  
  
As Xander inspected the room he awoke in he realized that strange was not the right word to describe where he found himself. Foreign seemed to be the theme chosen by the decorator. To be more precise Oriental was the motif of the room. Xander saw several ancient vases of varying sizes sitting around room and the room's collection of ancient weapons was more than a little frightening if not awe inspiring.  
  
Xander's attention fell upon one sword in particular that seemed to call his name. With only marginal trouble Xander was able to stand up and convince his body to take him over to the sword that held him in wonder. Xander had seen katanas in Kung-Fu movies but he had never seen one up close and the specimen before him possessed such a simplistic beauty that Xander had to touch it.  
  
Lifting the sword from its pegs on the wall the full weight of the weapon fell into Xander's hands. Not truly knowing why he held the blade with such reverence he slowly unsheathed the steel blade. The combination of power and grace found within the long gentle curve of the blade only served to complete the simplistic beauty of the weapon for Xander.  
  
"You are a long way away from using a sword boy." Xander jumped into the air in surprise as the quiet of the room was broken by the voice of a man standing in the room's doorway covered by a long shadow.  
  
Xander brought the sword to bear against the figure as his jump ended with him facing the voice's owner, but the work of cushioning the landing was too much for the body of the young man to handle and he ended up falling to one knee. The uncertainty of the stranger's identity or what side he was on forced Xander to regain his feet silencing a groan that threatened to escape his lips and put him at an even further disadvantage in the face off he hoped would not come. The man stepped out of the shadow and Xander was surprised at the appearance of the man before him.  
  
Standing in front of Xander was a small Asian man standing at about 5'4 and looking to be about 55 wearing a pair of loose khaki pants and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt that seemed about two sizes too large over a plain white tee shirt. The man's face held a genuine smile seemed, which could not be contained to just his mouth and a light of mischief danced within the man's kind brown eyes. Xander felt a sense of calm and a quiet power coming from the man, which put the boy's over worked mind at ease.  
  
"You are very foolish to be up and about so soon child." The old man's eyes help concern with a hint of mischief as he spoke to Xander, "you will need your strength if I'm going to teach you how to not get yourself killed when battling vampires. You are have potential, but you must learn how to fight before I can let you patrol."  
  
The man's words didn't sink to the Xander's head for a few seconds and when they did only three words were able to escape from his mouth before his voice was overcome by confusion. "What? How? Who?"  
  
The light in the old man's eyes began to dance again as a smile spread across his face causing small wrinkles to form around his mouth and eyes. His response was said with a small chuckle as he saw the look of confusion splayed across Xander's face.  
  
"To answer your first question, if that is what it was, I don't want you fighting vampires without the proper training and since you strike me as the type who will not stop if I told you it was dangerous I've decided to train you to fight."  
  
Xander began to speak in his own defense but luckily was interrupted before he could make a bigger fool out of himself. "To answer the second question I want you to come over to my home at eight o'clock in the morning from now on where I will give you training until I feel that you have progressed enough." Xander's jaw dropped to the floor in disbelief as his mind began picturing what it would be like to be able to defend himself. The man continued with his speech forcing Xander to stop his internal revelry and pay attention.  
  
"And to answer your third question my name is Charles Lee and I feel that you have great potential to become a true warrior. I will leave you to rest for a while longer and then I will drop you off at your home." With that the man turned and left leaving Xander with more questions than answers, but the questions would have to wait because as soon as he returned to his pallet on the floor he was fast asleep.  
  
* * *  
  
Two Months later  
  
Xander slowly begins the movements of the Kata that Master Lee had taught him, and a smile crosses his face as he remembers how easily he had mastered this simple dance. Xander's smile grows larger at the pride he feels from knowing that he has found something that he is good at.  
  
Xander begins to move his body in a more complex pattern as he feels the extra weights on his body constricting his movement. Xander is wearing a simple pair of Khaki pants and a white tank top, but he is also wearing ten pound weights strapped to each of his arms and legs along with a twenty pound vest over his simple tank top. Master Lee had told him that they would help his body adjust to the physical exertion faster.  
  
Master Lee had also started him on a work out schedule to get him in shape that started every morning with a series of stretches that he was forced to hold for five minutes at a time. The stretching became easier when Xander found an affinity for meditation, which was a pleasant surprise for the young man considering his need for action and dread of boredom. After stretches Master Lee then sends Xander out on a ten mile run around Sunnydale while wearing the extra weights, which would have been impossible for the teen without using his meditation techniques to pushes the pain out of the mind allowing him to focus on his running. After his run Xander then puts in time on the punching bags gaining muscle memory and experience. Xander then works on his balance and skill by performing the Katas shown to him by Master Lee. And finally finishing with training in numerous weapons. All of this is done under the watchful eye of Xander's new master, who Xander truly respected and liked for his knowledge and more importantly, for his kindness.  
  
"Concentrate on the movement Xander you must feel the flow and move your body with it." Came the firm reproach from Master Lee who was sitting at the small table, which along with two chairs is the only piece of furniture located in the spacious training room.  
  
Xander refocuses his mind and begins to move into a more complicated pattern steadily increasing the speed and difficulty. Xander's focus grows deeper and deeper as he reaches a barrier in the flow that his skill will not let him break. Xander can feel a power residing behind the wall that he begins to crave. Master Lee had taught him the most complex of Katas, but Xander needed more to break through the wall. He can feel the flow of his movements as a simple block becomes a combination of punches and kicks that seem to come from all angles culminating in a vicious jumping roundhouse kick that sent the dark haired warrior to his knees. Xander's frustration in the fact that he can not get past the wall before him feeds his body forcing it to work harder. Not quite knowing why Xander begins to break away from the pattern taught to him by his master trying to increase the power of the flow of his movements. Soon Xander's pattern is indiscernible, but it still holds a grace and beauty of movement that sings of power and skill. His movements begin to flow together so smoothly that no movement is wasted as the moves flow from one to another with speed and grace. As he lets his body move away from pattern taught to him by his master Xander can feel the wall he had come up against slowly begin to crumble as he feels a great power waiting behind the wall beginning to reach out toward the young man's heart.  
  
Master Lee slowly stands up from his chair and begins to watch the boy's movements with a rapt attention and pride that only a teacher can feel.  
  
Xander can feel the power reaching for his heart until he realizes that it is coming from his heart and soul. The power is familiar it is the same power he felt two months ago while fighting the vampires in the park. Xander exerts his will on the feeling in his heart and he consciously tries to change the flow of his movements as he feels the power building forcing his body to move faster, but the power will not let him change the flow. Xander tries to hold the power and tap into it but he can not. The power is too new, too powerful, and too raw, and he can not keep it under control. Xander feels the power beginning to overcome him and he fears that it will consume him, but he can not bring himself to let go of the high he is riding.  
  
Seeing Xander's break through Master Lee decides to stop his young pupil before he hurts himself knowing all too well the feeling and the danger of the power Xander has found within himself. Master Lee brings his hands together producing a resounding clap that snaps Xander out of his trance.  
  
Now that he has stopped Xander could feel the screams coming from his overworked body. Unstrapping the weights still on his body he lets them fall to the padded floor. Then a fear that he had found the power only to loose it took a hold of the exhausted teen until he consciously looked with in himself and found the power lying dormant within.  
  
Xander was startled out of his search by the sound of clapping coming from behind him. turning around he discovered the source to be a beaming Master Lee who had a knowing grin plastered on his face, but Xander could not understand why he was so happy, which only made his master's proclamation all the more confusing.  
  
"Congratulations boy you finally found it. Now the real training can begin." Master Lee could only grin wider as he saw Xander try to wrap his mind around the statement.  
  
"What do you mean the real training?" Xander's voice rose as his confusion caused him to react to his master's words with indignation, "What just happened and why is my body screaming like I've just a marathon?"  
  
Master Lee could only smile and say; "Come child I feel that I have some explaining to do."  
  
With that the old man turned and headed out the door with a confused and tired Xander in toe.  
  
* * *  
  
Inside Master Lee's living room the old man is sitting in his favorite chair situated across from an old couch with a dark coffee table separating the two pieces of furniture. If Xander had to describe his master's decorating style the word 'sparse' would fit perfectly. It almost seemed as if the old man never really moved in as if he was only waiting until he could move on. Of course whenever Xander would question his master about the sparse furnishings the old man would only laugh and tell him that he wasn't wrong before tell him that it was time to begin some form of training.  
  
The confused young man swallowed two Aleve trying to calm every nerve and muscle in his body that was screaming for relief as Xander before falling into the soft folds of the couch across from Master Lee letting the fabric conform and comfort his body.  
  
Master Lee watches all of this with a knowing smile feeling sympathy for his tired student and the pride of a father at his pupil's great accomplishment.  
  
"Son, do you know what you have done in these two months," asked Master Lee as he began to try and explain to the confused you man who had collapsed before him.  
  
"No," answered Xander trying to keep his mind focused on the answers he craved, "why don't you explain it to me?"  
  
"Okay I'll get right into it," answered the flustered old man, "now please listen carefully because what I am about to tell you is important."  
  
With that said Master Lee leans forward in his chair and looks Xander in the eyes holding his exhausted pupil's attention before moving into his explanation.  
  
"In ancient Japan a clan of warriors came into being who believed that the human heart and the emotions held within was the most greatest power in history. They spent their time trying to unlock the power held within making them the most powerful clan of warriors in all of Asia opening up their doors to all that wished to take the test. They formed a mercenary troop called the 'Warriors of the Heart' and would lend their services to a lord and they turned many battles to their favor single handedly. They won great renown and respect for their skill, but their reputation gained them the attention of a powerful demon lord who saw the Warriors as a future threat, and he created an army of demons to squash the Warriors. An awesome battle ensued culminating in the destruction of the warriors and the demon horde. Only one Warrior survived to see the end of the battle. The survivor decided that reforming the Warriors was too dangerous and too large of an undertaking to try, so he passed on the techniques perfected by his fallen comrades to his three sons who then passed on the techniques to their children. I am the last of the Warrior's line and I have no sons to pass on my knowledge. I was meditating one day about three months ago in San Francisco when I received a vision of Sunnydale and of a student that I knew I was to teach. I moved to Sunnydale and began my search for you." With his speech ended Master Lee sits back in his chair and waits for Xander's response.  
  
"So you're saying that you've been training me in some sort of ancient fighting technique that is powered by emotions," asked Xander, "and what is this test that you mentioned?"  
  
"The test is a safety precaution taken by the Warrior's to assure that all who mastered the trainer were worthy of the power of the heart," replied Master Lee. "Before a prospective Warrior entered the ranks he had to meditate under the influence of a hallucinogen that forced the initiate to confront his strongest fears and emotions. If the initiate did not control his emotions he would suffer one of two fates. He would either fall into a bestial madness letting his emotions and needs rule him, or he would suffer an emotional death shutting down entirely living only to eat and sleep with no drive or purpose."  
  
"So you want me to take this test, which could turn me into an animal or a vegetable," asked Xander incredulously standing up and beginning to pace before his teacher waving his hands wildly into the air. "Are you crazy?"  
  
"No I'm not crazy," answered the old man calmly keeping cool in the face of the irate boy. "Xander you must understand that you have more potential then anyone I have ever seen. You have learned techniques in months that have taken other men years. You are a natural and don't deny it."  
  
Hearing this Xander turns away from his master to try and come to grips with this new development. Hoping to get through to the boy Master Lee gets up from his chair and approaches his weary charge still pleading his case.  
  
"I saw you that night fighting the vampires I know what you felt. It was the same thing you felt not ten minutes ago. You felt the unrefined power inside you the raw and unrefined piece of power that fuels your body and soul. I know because it is the same power I felt my first time." With that said Master Lee grabs Xander by the shoulder turning him around and staring into his eyes. Seeing Xander's resolve fading Master Lee presses on taking a risk hoping to break through to the young man. "I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to feel that power again that you don't want to know what you can achieve. If you can convince yourself that it isn't worth it you can leave now, but you will come back because you won't be able to control this power and it will consume you."  
  
Xander had to admit that the old man was right. He could not go back now he could feel the power inside him and he could feel the promise it held, but he could also feel the danger within. Xander remembered the fear he felt when he realized that he couldn't stop and that he would gladly have gone on until his body collapsed or worse. Besides this way I can kick Dead Boy's ass if he starts looking at my neck funny.  
  
Smiling widely at the diminutive man before him Xander pulled out of his grasp feeling the man lifting his hands from his shoulder. He then clasping his teacher's right hand and says, "You're right I want to take this test, and I want you to know that I am willing to train even harder to be ready for this." Then Xander walks over to the couch and falls across it with a grateful sigh saying, "but not today. I'm going to sleep, unless you want me to dissolve into a puddle of sore and tired Xander messing up your chair."  
  
End of Chapter 2  
  
Chapter 3  
  
One Month Later  
  
The following month had been the greatest of Xander's short life. He had finally found something that he enjoyed and was good at. Xander's training changed the day after his break through. His stretching time was cut in half and his exercise and technique training was replaced by sparing with his master followed by meditation and ending with weapon's training.  
  
Though the sparing was definitely considered exercise for Xander both mentally and physically. Xander soon learned that Master Lee was not to be taken lightly as an opponent. While Xander had always respected his master for his wisdom and kindness he had never expected him to be as fast and strong as the diminutive man had proven to be. Everyday the same pattern held true in their sparing. Xander and Lee would begin to fight at a furious pace with Xander receiving lessons and pointers on his technique Master Lee, who never lost his cool during the sparing, with each lesson being driven into the young fighter's head by a trip to the training room's mat. After a time Xander would loose his temper completely and would start to fight using the power to fuel his moves. Master Lee was always amazed at the amount of power held within the relatively small boy, but Xander would eventually tire and stop the fight. After his loss of control Xander was always grateful for the time spent meditating afterward.  
  
The new mental and emotional exercises Master Lee had taught the aspiring Warrior had been consumed with a ravenous hunger that was a wonder for the proud master to watch; he compared it to watching his young charge consuming a Twinkie. Xander's first lesson was to begin the separation of the power within him. When Xander voiced his concern about weakening his power by separating it Master Lee could only chuckle remembering the same question he had asked his own father and the response given to him.  
  
"The power within you is the raw power of your emotions it is hard to control and will work against you because it has no feeling and no drive," Master Lee said using the same explanation his father had given him. "When you can separate the power of your emotions you will find that the power you receive will be even greater."  
  
This was not the only wisdom passed on to Xander in that time. As his training began to sink in deeper and deeper as the days progressed Master Lee would explain to Xander a part of what being a Warrior of the Heart would entail. Lee would tell Xander of the history of his new found clan of the skill and the honor cherished by the clan and the responsibility to maintain that history, but Lee had saved the worst and best part for when he was sure that Xander was ready to take the test.  
  
Xander could remember the recent conversation with his master only two days ago. It was right after Xander had finished working with twin daggers and feeling good about the events of the day. Xander had spared with Lee and had fought him to a stand still and did not loose his temper throughout the whole fight even though Lee had begun to taunt his opponent trying to test his control and resolve. Xander had also made a break through in his meditation allowing him to separate his emotions and draw upon them individually. It was after that that Master Lee had taken Xander inside and explained to him the last part of being a Warrior.  
  
* * *  
  
Flashback  
  
"So you're saying that I'm going to feel my emotions even more in everyday life," asked Xander slightly worried about the consequences of that gift. Xander was sitting on the couch across from Lee.  
  
"Yes. Your emotions will be stronger after the test but you will have the control and the willpower to keep them from causing a problem," answered Lee, "you will also have to remain in control because if you let your emotions loose your friends and loved ones may have an empathetic response."  
  
"Wait! Are you saying that if I loose control that my friends will feel my emotions" asked Xander, who did not want to let on how much the prospect of letting his friends see his feelings frightened him.  
  
Lee leaned forward in his chair and caught the eyes of the young man before him whom he had begun to look upon as a son before allaying Xander's fears. "Yes. That is correct, but it is not a curse with control you will be able to share with your loved ones your happiness and love. Every moment of happiness will be felt more and cherished more dearly."  
  
* * *  
  
End Flashback  
  
That was two days ago when Master Lee had told Xander that his training was complete. Lee had made sure to express to his surrogate son how proud he was of his great accomplishment and made sure to explain to him that he was ready for the test beyond a shadow of a doubt.  
  
Now Xander sits in the training room dressed in his customary training clothes consisting of loose fitting khaki pants and a tank top. Miniature urns filled with unlit incense surround him, and Master Lee is sitting at the table looking at Xander, who does not acknowledge his presence. Deep in meditation Xander is trying to find his fear inside of him after a few more minutes of searching his heart he finds his fear. It surprises Xander that his fear was so hard to find it seemed to him that it should be at the front. After finding the emotion buried deep in his hear he begins to let the feeling pass through his mind allaying his fear using his bravery and confidence to bury his fear even deeper.  
  
After this is done Xander looks up to give his master the confirmation that he is ready to begin the test. Master Lee nods in agreement before approaching Xander and the circle of urns. Lighting each urn Master Lee bows to the initiate before flashing him a grin and a wink as if to say 'I know you'll do fine'. Xander returns the smile gratefully before turning his attention inward and taking long drafts of the pungent smoke that will induce the visions and the test. The smoke wafts in front of Xander's eyes causing the room to blur and warp until his eyes shut and the world faded to black.  
  
End of Chapter Three  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Xander opened his eyes again to find himself inside his room lying on his bed. The sounds of fighting could be heard coming from downstairs. Xander just closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep hoping that his father would finally stop beating and yelling at his mother before passing out on the couch.  
  
The longer Xander lay in his bed trying to find sleep the louder the fighting became. He wished that he could go down there and stop his father, but he knew that it would not do any good. His father would only beat his mother three times as hard when he wasn't around to protect her. As the fighting grew louder and louder the more helpless Xander felt. As the feeling of helplessness grew inside of him Xander began to replay in his head every time his father beat him and that only made him feel more helpless. Every punch and kick was felt anew and resounded inside his head like a bass drum with the beat only broken by the sound and feel of a cigarette being put out on his body.  
  
Feeling his emotions spinning out of control Xander's chest began to tighten and his muscles clenched so tight that he couldn't move. It was then when Xander was feeling his most helpless that the sounds of the fighting stopped to be replaced by a loud pounding that grew closer and closer, but Xander barley registered the change. He found himself drowning in a maelstrom of his own emotions binding his body tighter than any rope or chain.  
  
It was when Xander felt the most helpless when his father, Alexander Harris, burst through the door looking too angry to think straight and too drunk to stop himself. He began to yell at his only son his words slurred beyond comprehension, but Xander could not respond he could only stare at the blood on his father's knuckles and could only hear the pounding of his own heart reverberating in his ears. Xander's lack of a response only fueled his father's anger.  
  
"Oh you too good to talk to your own dear old Dad," asked Alexander Harris waiting for his son's response. When he did not receive one Alexander Harris punched his son across the face sending Xander careening off the bed and onto the floor.  
  
"Your useless boy, the only thing your good for is beating and screwing up," Alexander's speech grew clear as he yelled at his son's inert form while raining blows upon Xander. "I'm surprised you even have any friends. I bet they think your useless too, because that's all you are and all your ever going to be."  
  
After pounding on his helpless son for what seemed to Xander's mind to be like hours the blows stopped suddenly. Xander looked up to see his friends looking down at him. Buffy, Willow, and Giles were standing in front of him and his father was nowhere to be found. Xander was never happier in his life to see his friends as relief washed over him calming his soul and freeing his body. Xander struggled to his feet and moved to envelop his friends in a large hug when something about the situation struck him as odd.  
  
Xander noticed to looks on his friend's faces seemed wrong. He expected his friends to be happy he was all right or to at least see some understanding, but the looks on their faces were none of those. His friend's eyes only held disgust and each of their mouths were curled up in a sneer. Xander could only stare at his friends hoping that maybe the looks he received were meant for his father. He turned to look behind him hoping to see his father standing behind him.  
  
Xander's heart fell, as he saw nothing behind him except for his bed and dirty clothes. Xander sank down onto his bed and hung his head unable to look his friends in the eyes afraid that the looks would still be there.  
  
Giles was the first person to break the silence clearing his throat before continuing, "Xander, how could you let that man do this? I knew that you are still just an immature boy, but I hoped that you would have been more useful than this."  
  
Xander could not believe his ears and looked up to see Giles give him one last look before turning away from him and walking out.  
  
Xander looked to his friends hoping that they would tell him that he had not just heard what he thought he had, but he only met the same looks as before.  
  
"Buffy what was." Xander began to speak but was cut off by the petite slayer. "Just don't speak, okay Xander because I just can't believe that you would just let this happen. If you can't even stop a man how do you expect to fight a vampire? I think it would be better if you just stopped trying to help before you get killed. At least Willow can help but you are just so. helpless." With that Buffy turned and left before throwing Xander one more disgusted look.  
  
Xander's heart broke as he watched his heart walk out of his room. Xander felt hollow inside when he realized that Buffy had not only walked out of his room but his life as well. Xander hung his head and let the despair wash over his body weighing him down. He felt familiar arms wrap around shoulders as his best friend since Kindergarten attempted to comfort him.  
  
"It okay Xand we'll still be friends. We just won't be hanging out as much." Willow tightened her grip on her friend as she went on trying to bring him comfort. "But I'll still help you with school and stuff. At least until we graduate because I'll be going off to college and you'll still be living here because you'll only hold me back." Xander looked up and made eye contact with his old friend not sure if he had heard his friend correctly.  
  
"What," Xander asked his long time friend incredulously. "You don't expect me to stay with you forever do you?" Willow answered with a flippant air as if the answer needed no explanation. "I mean I'm really only your friend out of gratitude for being my friend when we were little, but I can't be held back forever."  
  
Xander looked like he had been kicked in the stomach as Willow unwrapped her arms from around her friend stood up and walked out the door yelling for Buffy to wait for her.  
  
After his last friend had deserted him Xander fell into his emotions letting the feelings of despair and hopelessness consume him as his room fell away leaving Xander alone in a black void with a spotlight surrounding him. Out of the blackness another person emerged with his own spotlight, but Xander could not see his face. The figure was dressed entirely in black slowly approached Xander, but his face remained a mystery. When the figure was only five feet away the shadow around his face disappeared to reveal a mirror image of Xander.  
  
"Hello Xander I think its time for you to finally give up your pathetic life," said Dark Xander.  
  
"What do you mean give up my life, asked Xander, "who are you?"  
  
"I'm you, the you that you want to be. I'm the you with no feelings I'm the perfect fighter I don't let my emotions get in the way, and I'm here to take over your life before you screw it up even more. You can give it up peacefully or I can kill you and take your life"  
  
With that the Xander's dropped into a fighting stance mirroring each other exactly. Both Xander's faces a blank mask of determination.  
  
Trying to prepare for the fight for his life Xander looked within himself to find his center but could not find it, the power was gone. Maintaining his stoic exterior to keep his dark counterpart back Xander began to panic on the inside, but his heart had been broken and his emotions exhausted. The only thing Xander could do was embrace the cold nothingness and try to beat his opponent at his own game.  
  
The tension between the two began to grow as neither combatant took their eyes off of each other. The tension grew stronger between them until it seemed to be another person inside the empty arena before the two figures clashed together in the blink of an eye.  
  
The fight erupted in full force as both fighters began to fight with a cold callused style. The fight took on a rhythm each fighter going back and forth like two waves crashing against the shore, each man giving ground and then recovering it before going on the attack himself.  
  
As the fight wore on with no fighter gaining a clear advantage Xander realized that he was truly fighting himself. Both combatants possessed the same strengths and style. Every attack was blocked and countered while every counter was blocked and countered until the fight became a long string of counters and blocks.  
  
As the fight moved on both fight eyes lock and just as suddenly as the fight started it stopped as the two fighters reached a tacit agreement. The pair's eyes remained locked on each other both reflective mirrors holding no emotions only reflecting. The silence was broken by Dark Xander, who began to clap slowly and deliberately as if mocking the young man before him.  
  
"I must say you are pretty good, but I don't know why you insist on fighting," mocked Dark Xander. "You won't be able to protect them as well as I can. What will you do when your Buffy is in trouble?"  
  
With that scene took shape to Xander's right. It was a graveyard in Sunnydale and Buffy was fighting a large demon covered by a bone exoskeleton with large claws, drawn red eyes, and a gaping maw full of sharp teeth. As the scene unfolded Xander watched as Buffy attacked the large beast with a sword but could not penetrate the bone armor surrounding the behemoth. He watched as Buffy was stabbed in the shoulder by the demon's claw. Buffy cried out in pain as her sword fell from her dead arm before grabbing the creature's arm with her remaining arm. Xander could only look on in horror as the demon stabbed Buffy's other shoulder and lifted her up into the air bringing her neck toward his awful mouth. Xander's heart broke as he was forced to watch his love look into his eyes and ask him for help in a soft broken voice. Despair threatened to overwhelm Xander as the scene faded away leaving blackness in its wake.  
  
"And what will you do when you can't control yourself," asked Dark Xander, "will you become like dear old Dad?"  
  
Xander knew with awful certainty what he was going to see as a scene began to take shape to his left, but he could not bring himself to look away. As the scene took shape Xander watched an older drunken version of himself beat an older Willow who was crying and begging him to stop, but he didn't stop he kept raining down blows upon the helpless woman until she could not plead or resist any longer. Xander watched as his drunken self did not stop kicking his friend's lifeless form until the scene changed to reveal another graveyard scene. This time there was no fighting like the last vision only tears a group of people surrounded an unknown grave each laying flowers down before the stone marker before getting up and walking away. Xander knew what he was looking at, but he couldn't break his gaze away from the scene. So Xander watched in morbid fascination as the last figure placed a rose with the other flowers before getting up and walking away. What Xander saw chilled his blood as the grave marker of his best friend could be seen clearly before the scene faded away.  
  
Xander fell to his knees grabbing his head and began rocking back and forth trying to deal with what he just saw. Going over the two scenes again; he knew that something was wrong, but he could not come to terms with it. Xander could hear his dark counterpart laughing at him and mocking his weakness.  
  
Then suddenly Xander realized what was wrong with the scenes. He wasn't in any of them. Xander knew that he would never sit and watch while Buffy was in danger and he knew that he could never bring himself to strike his best friend.  
  
"No," Xander yelled at his tormentor, "those are all lies I love my friends and that makes me stronger. You will never be able to destroy that and that is why you will lose."  
  
Xander flung himself forward toward his opponent feeling the power coursing through his body as he found his center again. Throwing a flurry of punches at his opponent's face and chest Xander attacked with the ferocity of a cornered beast as his feeling of love for his friends and hatred for his opponent melded together making him stronger than ever before. Xander's instincts melded into his movements allowing Xander to block every counter attack before he saw them coming.  
  
Admits the onslaught Xander realized that he had finally found his opponent's weakness. Dark Xander's weakness is that he is Xander. Every move was done in a pattern that was becoming all too clear to Xander as his instincts and his thoughts became one allowing him to begin to see how the fight would play out in advance, and Xander's advantage would only grow stronger as the fight progressed. While Xander's emotions made him unpredictable as he changed the flow of his movements continuously keeping his carefully composed counterpart on the defensive. Xander watch as Dark Xander blocked and countered his punches and kicks until the moment to act flashed through his mind his mind.  
  
Xander acted quickly snapping out his right hand in a punch that was slower than his previous ones letting Dark Xander take the bait. The block was preformed with precision and the counter strike would have connected with the side of Xander's face possibly causing enough swelling to close the eye and giving Dark an advantage, but the advantage was all Xander's, who had known about the punch two moves ago. By the time the punch had finished its outward arc Dark realized that something was terribly wrong because the only thing he had connected with was open air.  
  
Xander had used Dark's own punch as an opening by ducking into a slide underneath the appendage while spinning around to end up behind his opponent standing up and ready to end the fight.  
  
Xander snapped a kick into the back of Dark's knee forcing him to loose his balance and end up on his knees and vulnerable. The side kick that followed connected flush with the back of Dark's head driving it forward and down to connect with the floor with enough force to break his nose and his jaw leaving Xander standing and ready to proceed if necessary. As Dark began to rise slowly to his feet Xander could feel his hatred for the man before him being reinforced by his love for his friends and the need to protect them from this cold bastard before him.  
  
A humorless smile curled across Dark's face as if he was sharing in a private joke as he said "You may have won that round, but you can't kill me and unless you do I'll come back stronger and victory will be mine. Along with your life and your pretty friends."  
  
How little the Dark Xander knew about the young man in front of him could be considered surprising seeing as how they are the same person, but the surprise was all his as Xander's eyes flashed with a dangerous light. A light that told of the power lying with the young man, a power that burning inside Xander with more intensity than anything he had experienced in his young life. Xander exerted his will upon the fire inside him as he sprang toward the man whose life he knew he had to end. The righteous fury inside of him was forced into his hands making them heavier and lighter at the same time like the power had physically taken form around Xander's hands like a pair of steel gauntlets.  
  
Xander didn't know how right he was as Darks smile disappeared to be replaced by a fear and shock as Xander's hands began to glow brightly as the he closed in for the kill.  
  
Dark could only offer a token defense against power emanating from his attacker. Dark felt and heard the shattering of his forearms as Xander's fists drove through his blocks. Pain coursed through Dark's body as every nerve took up the cry of pain, but somehow he was able to remain standing. Dark could only watch as the glow disappeared from Xander's hands as the warrior pushed all of his energy into his right leg preparing for a final strike causing his right leg to flare brilliantly, but Xander was too intent on his target to realize what he was doing. Dark stared in morbid fascination as Xander leapt into the air to deliver a roundhouse kick causing a streak of light to trail behind his leg like a celestial body. The last thought Dark had before Xander's foot connected with the side of his face was how beautiful the light was as it flashed through the air dispelling the darkness around it.  
  
The kick crashed into the side of Dark's face with enough power behind it to violently snap his head around breaking his neck and ending his life. With the battle concluded Xander released some of his control on his emotions and allowed himself to calm down and relax causing the glow to disappear. Xander walked over to inspect the lifeless body and confirmed the fact that it was dead.  
  
With the challenge faced and destroyed Xander could feel his consciousness slowly begin to turn its attention outward as the world around him faded to be slowly replaced by the familiar training room. Xander felt such a huge sense of relief and accomplishment welling up inside combining with his mental and physical exhaustion that he surprised himself and his waiting master when he started laughing hysterically as tears flowed down his face before lying back closing his eyes and going to sleep.  
  
End Chapter Four  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Xander awoke on the familiar couch in Master Lee's living room. The dimly lit room and sparse furnishings offered a quiet comfort to the swirl of emotions overpowering the young man's senses.  
  
Xander moved off the couch to take a seat on the floor. Taking in deep breath Xander blew out the air from his lungs using the action to clear his mind of all stray thoughts. Keeping the slow rhythm of his breath Xander drew in air and expelled it from inside him pushing his surrounding away with each exhale. All of his surrounding vanished to be replaced by an encompassing blackness. Xander was at home in the void. The same void where his final test took place, and where Xander could begin a journey through his heart and mind reveling in his heightened emotions and what felt like heightened senses.  
  
It was not a physical transformation that gave Xander his heightened senses he did not have the abilities of a demon or animal, but his perception had increased. His heightened emotional state put him in touch with his instincts and his feelings.  
  
Xander reveled in the feelings while slowly adjusting to the swirl and going through some mental exercises to control and harness his emotions. Satisfied with his new state of being Xander closed his inner eye while letting his outer eyes blink back into focus.  
  
The room was not as Xander had left it before his mental journey. Sitting on the coffee table was a serving tray holding a cup of tea and a tall glass of water, beside the beverages a laid a small stack of official looking documents.  
  
Master Lee had also entered the living room and was sitting in his chair waiting patiently for Xander to come to. A smile spread across the man's face causing the crows feet at the corners of his eyes to knit together giving him a kinder and gentler appearance. Master Lee reached out and grasped the beautifully ornate teacup taking a few small sips from the valuable antique while Xander moved back to take a seat on the couch.  
  
The smile never left the master's face as he spoke to his pupil. "You are now a Warrior of the Heart young Xander, but your training is not truly complete." Lee placed his cup back down on the tray with a steady hand before taking up the small stack of papers.  
  
"Over the years many techniques that were known by the ancient masters have slipped beyond our knowledge. We still have the ancient writings of those masters, but the ability to perform those techniques has fallen away," said Lee offering the stack of papers to Xander.  
  
As Xander looked over the documents Le began his explanation of the papers. "You should know that I'm not just a crazy old man. I'm a crazy old man who is owner of a billion-dollar computer company. I've paid for this house in full in your name and have set up two bank accounts for you. One will receive a monthly deposit to pay for the property taxes and general up keep of the house while you are in school. The other will be a trust fund to be used to pay for college and then some."  
  
Xander's eyes shot open in surprise as the realization of how large of a gift his master had given him set in. "This is too much. It not that I'm not grateful believe me I am, but why?" asked Xander, "I mean this is too large of a gift. I should be paying you for everything you've already done for me."  
  
Lee's eyes changed leaving behind the kind brown orbs to be replaced by sad eyes speaking of a great loss and regret as he answered Xander. "I have no children of my own Xander. My wife was killed in a car accident when we were young leaving me a widow. I could never bring myself to move on the feelings of loss were too much and my love too strong to be destroyed by death." Lee's eyes became tempered by affection as he looked deep into Xander's eyes. "But if I had a son I would want him to be just like you, and I will always look on you with the pride of a father toward his son."  
  
Lee walks over to the couch settling down next to Xander, who could not make eye contact with the man, and placing a hand on his shoulder. "I just want to make sure that you have a safe haven from the world when I leave. There has never been a teenage Warrior and I think that you have taken upon yourself a burden that will threaten to overwhelm you."  
  
With that Xander turned to look at his master in the eye exclaiming, "what do you mean leaving?" Xander stand up continuing his accusation, "you can't leave me. You said so yourself there are other things that I can learn how am I going to do that with out you. You can't abandon me now I'll never make it."  
  
Fear and betrayal fuel Xander as he yells at his master using wild hand gestures while pacing before the couch.  
  
Lee stands and grabs his former student by the shoulders and forcing eye contact with the upset young man. "You don't need me now. I can't teach you anything else. I apologize for the timing what with me leaving you now when you are in this emotional state, but I have to get back to my company. I've been taking care of business from here but I must get back."  
  
Lee's eyes hold the contact until Xander pulls his master into a strong hug. "I'm going to miss you Master, but I will also be strong for you," whispers Xander. "I will miss you too young one, and I know that you will be strong and make me proud," answers Master Lee.  
  
"Now that the hard part is out of the way I have a few more things to give you young one," says Lee as he walks into the training room with Xander in toe.  
  
Upon entering the training room Xander notices a large bookcase standing against the far wall next to the display of weapons that had not been there before. Two polished wooden cases are sitting on in the center of the exercise mat. One case is long and thin while the other is shorter and wider.  
  
Master Lee steps over the two cases and takes a seat on the floor. He settles himself and runs a hang on the oak cases running his fingers along the thin grooves before motioning for Xander to take a seat on the other side.  
  
"So Mr. 'Multi-Million Dollar Kung-Fu Master Man' what's in boxes?" asked Xander as he takes a seat.  
  
"These are my final gifts to you," says Master Lee motioning toward the cases before him and the books and scrolls residing in the bookcase behind him. "It is the responsibility of every master to give their pupil a spirit weapon, a weapon that complements their student's abilities and style. After much thought considering your progress and technique I could not decide on one weapon for you, so I'm giving you two."  
  
Master Lee picks up the wider case and hands it to Xander. Xander accepts the gift with a reverence that belays his excitement over receiving a gift. Xander slowly opens the case to reveal finely crafted twin daggers each sitting in matching black leather sheaths. Seven inches of finely crafted steel inlayed with pure silver are held by a dull silver guard to keep it from reflecting light and black leather wraps around the handle to increase the user's grip.  
  
"I tried to find a weapon that was most like a stake and that complemented your kinetic and flowing style," explained Lee," and they are the weapons most like the stakes you are used to wielding."  
  
Xander extracts a dagger from the case feeling the weight and balance as a smile lights up his face as the dagger sings a quiet song of death and beauty as it cuts through the air. Xander places the dagger back into the case. Placing the case aside with care he tries to express his gratitude to the old man but is interrupted with a wave of his hand and by the offering of the other case.  
  
Xander's excitement can not be contained as he grabs the case and sets the oak case down rubbing his hands together in anticipation. The old master can not contain his smile, as the young man's exuberance is contagious.  
  
Opening the case Xander's eyes fall upon a katana with the same style of hilt as the daggers with a dull silver guard and black leather handle. The blade is incased in a black sheath. Xander slowly reveals the blade and sees the blade of the Katana also matches the style of his dagger's as well with strong steel inlayed with silver. The quiet beauty of the weapon astounds the young man as he is filled with happiness and pride knowing that the weapons were made for him and only him.  
  
"How did you.Where did you.Why did you?" asks Xander as tears form in his eyes and spilled down his cheek. "And why am I crying?" asks Xander slightly confused at his display of emotions.  
  
"That is just a product of the test," answers the old man as he sands up and walks over to the new bookcase. "Your emotions are new and powerful you will be like this for a few weeks so I suggest that you avoid any emotionally taxing activities until you become accustomed to yourself."  
  
Master Lee stops in front of the bookcase and motions for Xander to pull himself together and join him. Xander looks like he is about to say something, but Lee cuts him off before he can start. "These will help you as well," says Lee pointing to the assortment of books and scrolls arranged on the case. "These are the writings of our most ancient masters. They will help you learn techniques that I can not teach you."  
  
"This book is also yours," Master Lee says as he shows Xander a black book with silver lettering. "All masters keep a journal to help the next generation. You can write your thoughts and techniques in here. Anything you feel is important can be put in here."  
  
Xander takes the book from Lee and replaces it in the case and pulls his master into a bear hug. "Thank you so much. I know you can't stay, but I will prove to you that I am worth all of this."  
  
Lee returns the hug emphatically before pulling away and looking the young man in the eyes. "You have nothing to prove to me you only need prove it to yourself," Lee says. "You are right though I can't stay and I have to catch a plane and fly to New York for a business meeting. So I have to go, just remember to avoid any emotional situations for a while."  
  
"Okay, but I start school tomorrow and I don't think that my teachers will accept that excuse," says Xander with a small chuckle.  
  
"Oh, well just do the best you can and remember that you need to remain in control or else you will start projecting your emotions out to anyone near you."  
  
After another hug and a tearful good bye Master Lee loads up his car and drives away from Sunnydale and away from his young pupil. Xander watches the car drive away and stands staring off into the distance for a few more minutes forcing his tears to stop and his mind to regain control before walking back into his new house.  
  
Xander walks out of his house a half an hour later locking the door behind him and carrying all of his paperwork with him to prepare for his night out with Willow.  
  
End Chapter Five 


	2. Chapter 6

Warrior of the Heart  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters they all belong to Joss.  
  
Summary: Xander finally finds out that he is good at something. Takes Place after season one after that anything goes.  
  
E-mail: RaistlinM1@aol.com  
  
Feedback: Hey why not.  
  
Author's note: This is my first fic ever so please help me out. Tell me if you like it or not just try and be kind.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
The Journal of Xander Harris  
  
Life. It would be the funniest joke in the world if it wasn't happening to you. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be powerful and special. In third grade my class had to write an essay on what we wanted to be when we grew up. Willow wanted to be a doctor, Jesse wanted to be an astronaut, Cordelia wanted to be an actress, but all I wanted to be was a hero. To be more specific I had an unhealthy fascination with Spider-man but that's beside the point. Eight years later I'm walking through the park I stop to help someone and meet a kung-fu master, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am and three months later have a power.  
  
I wonder if it's right to call it a power. I mean I can fight now that's a big good for the 'lets keep Xander from being killed by a demon' club but I don't have super strength or speed I only have what I've been taught and what I'm willing to work for. I guess you could call it an ego boost to know that I've earned what I have now, of course it would have been nice to do the whole 'get bit by radioactive bug get supper power' thing.  
  
I guess my real power comes from my newfound connection with my heart and emotions, of course even that doesn't strike me as being a true power. I guess you could call it a gift, but it's also a curse, I guess maybe it's both. Every day I feel a kind of happiness that fills my body and lifts my soul, but I also have to deal with the pain of the darker side of my heart. Every drop of loneliness and sadness threatens to drown me and swallow me up.  
  
I think I'm beginning to understand Deadboy now. I can feel the power inside me begging to be let out like a demon seeking control. Sometimes my anger and rage is so intense and consuming I want to just wrap myself in it and never let it go. I can't count how many times I've almost drowned in a sea of my own pain and suffering, and I just want to give it up and live without the feelings or the passion in return for some peace. I walk a thin line with two fates worse than death on either side. On one side I can give in to the need to let go and become an animal working only on instinct and need with no thought and no emotions more complex than happiness and sadness. On the other I can let the pain go along with everything else and become in essence a walking corpse with no drive and no reason to live like the Dark Xander from my test. Either way the Xander that I am now would be lost, and I just don't think I could live with myself if I let that happen.  
  
Xander Harris  
  
Evening on the Outskirts of a Sunnydale Cemetery  
  
It is a perfect summer evening no clouds mar the tapestry of the night as the full moon casts a soft glow over a quiet Sunnydale. Sunnydale was peaceful and calm with no great evil to break into the peaceful interlude even the unusually large number of cemeteries showed no signs of life or un- life for that matter. It is as if God himself realized the impending doom facing all high school students and decided to give them a gift of one perfect night to enjoy before they returned to the drudgery that is high school.  
  
Two friends stroll down the sidewalk next to one of the quiet cemeteries at a lazy pace enjoying their last night of freedom. Willow and Xander are enjoying a calm walk home breaking the silence of the night with bursts of laughter and loud bits of conversation, but the conversation was half hearted as each participant is preoccupied with their own thoughts.  
  
Willow had to remind herself to pay attention and not to stare and her beast friend as they talk, but her genuine smile can not be hidden due to the excitement she felt at seeing her best friend again. It seemed to her like Xander had become distant over the summer like he had more important things to do forgetting about his best friend. Willow's happiness is marred at her concern for her friend. Sure he's still my Xander, but whenever he was around he always seemed so tired and preoccupied, the young red head thought to herself, of course Xander's been preoccupied ever since she came to town.  
  
Willow's smile fades as she realizes how jealous she just sounded inside her head. Willow wants to stay true to her friend, but she wanted this summer to be a time for just her and Xander to hang out like old times. Instead Xander only saw her in the evenings and when he did he was always tired from a day of training, and he always left early to get some sleep and prepare for another day of training.  
  
Actually the only time I actually saw him for more than three hours at a time was when we buried the Master. Willow's smile returns again as she pictures that night in her head. Giles insisted that they wear the ceremonial robes, and Xander kept tell Giles that he didn't feel comfortable wearing a dress out in the open were anyone could see him and take incriminating photos. Giles could only role his eyes and clean his glasses as he tried to explain to the young man the differences between robes and dresses. Even then he was so tired, thinks Willow as she chuckles as she remembers that night.  
  
* * *  
  
Flash back  
  
A Sunnydale Cemetery  
  
Clouds race across the night sky propelled by a steady wind illuminated by the full moon. The passing clouds making the moon blink in the night sky briefly obscure the bright orb's luminance.  
  
A figure robed in black stands on an empty plot of land surrounded by books, candles, and religious symbols. The master's bleached bones lie off to the side with a macabre grin on its face as if sharing a private joke with death itself.  
  
"Hey G-man what's with the dress," called Xander as he approaches with Willow by his side.  
  
Giles jumps into the air spinning to face the smiling couple causing his robes to fly out to reveal his tweed clothes underneath. "Xander, you can now put sneaking up on me right under calling me G-man on the lists of things to stop doing," replies a shaken Giles, "this is not a dress it is a ceremonial robe, and I have two extras for you two to use during the ceremony."  
  
Xander and Willow catch the two robes thrown to them by the annoyed watcher. Xander leans down and whisper's in his friend's ear, "What was my time on that?"  
  
"I have forty seconds, this is a new record for you," answers Willow, "you annoyed Giles a full ten seconds faster."  
  
"I try my best," says Xander while stifling a yawn, "but I think I can do better. I have not yet begun to annoy." Xander finishes with another yawn before looking at his watch and cursing himself silently for staying out so late.  
  
This does not go unnoticed by Willow who tries to find out what is bothering her friend. "So what's with the Rip Van Winkle act," asks Willow through the black robe as she pulls it over her head, "it's not even midnight what's wrong with you?"  
  
"Nothing Wills I was just up late last night going through my old comics," answers Xander with a crooked smile, "I mean when Spidey calls who am I to refuse?" Xander holds the robe up to his body and gives it an apprehensive look.  
  
"Hey G-man," calls Xander, "can we do the other ceremony. You know the one that doesn't require me to wear a dress?"  
  
Giles takes off his glasses and grabs the bridge of his nose before answering. "I told you Xander they are not dresses they are ceremonial robes and there is only one ceremony."  
  
"Well why even do this whole ceremony," asks Xander raising his voice in irritation and moving his hands in a wide circle to encompass the supplies on the ground. "Why don't we do the Xander ceremony where we take a hammer to Mr. Dry-and-Brittle over there and then dump the pieces in, now follow me on this, the dump. That way nobody can find all the pieces, and if anyone does find anything we don't even have to look hard to find them, we can just follow the smell."  
  
"We perform the ceremony to make sure the Master's soul is not still on this plane of existence," answers Giles, who is flustered at the young man's sudden outburst. "It is important that the ceremony is done correctly and that means that you have to wear the robe."  
  
Xander concedes to Giles but still leans down to whisper in Willow's ear "I am just a little uncomfortable wearing a dress out in the open where anyone with a camera could just walk by here and walk away with physical evidence of all of this."  
  
"Don't worry about it," says Willow trying to sooth her friend, who lets out another yawn, "besides I think this is kind of cool."  
  
Xander grudgingly pulls the robe over his head and straightens the garment so that it lays comfortably before calling out, "okay G-man lets put bat boy's soul into Hell."  
  
Giles ignores Xander's statement and begins to instruct the teens on their parts in the ceremony. They then begins the ceremony with Giles reading from one of his books, as Willow and Xander consecrate the Master's remains with holy water and crosses. After a few minutes of chanting and blessing Giles pronounces the first stage of the ceremony complete.  
  
Xander lets out a small cry of victory, which turns into a yawn and stretch. Xander can only smile sheepishly as he gets a questioning look from both Giles and Willow. "You said stage one," asks Xander trying to change the subject, " what's phase two?"  
  
Giles bends down and pulls out two shovels from a duffel bag used to carry all of the components of the ceremony. "Burial," answers Giles throwing one shovel to the exhausted boy.  
  
The two take of their robes and begin driving the metal blade of the tool into the ground throwing large pieces of Earth over their shoulders. After five minutes of digging Giles is huffing like a train and Xander can feel his muscles begin to strain and cry out for release. As if I don't get enough exercise from Lee. Xander decides to try a meditation technique to get past his body's physical barriers.  
  
The cemetery slowly fades away as Xander focuses on the sound of his own shovel cutting into the soft ground. Xander's mind wraps itself around the noise finding a rhythm. The rhythm becomes his focus and his body's purpose becomes maintaining the rhythm.  
  
After five more minutes Giles looks at the work the two had done and claims success, but Xander continues to dig maintaining the rhythm with single- mindedness. Giles calls out for the teen to stop he still gets no response. Xander's concentration is finally broken when the confused watcher grabs him by the shoulder.  
  
"Um.good show Xander, I think that should be deep enough," says the watcher still confused by Xander's actions.  
  
Xander tries to speak but is cut off by another yawn and can only nods his head in understanding. The two workers climb out of the grave with Willow giving Giles a hand almost resulting in the red head taking a nosedive into the pit.  
  
When Giles finally gets up and out he finds Xander has his shovel sticking into dirt to allow him a sturdy object to lean on. Upon closer inspection Willow and Giles see that Xander is actually asleep, leaning against the shovel to remain upright. Giles gives Willow a questioning look, which the red head can only respond to with a shrug.  
  
The two only shake their heads and leave the boy to his awkward sleep as they finish the ceremony by consecrating the grave.  
  
After they are finished Willow quietly wakes up Xander from his slumber in time for him to help put away the supplies. The two friends pack everything up into Giles' duffel bag and head home together.  
  
"Great party G-man," Xander calls back over his shoulder, "next time my place."  
  
End Flashback  
  
* * *  
  
Willow catches herself staring at Xander and quickly turns her gaze away hoping that he didn't notice the intensity of her stare. Hoping to alleviate her self-conscious feelings Willow tries to get back into the conversation again.  
  
Xander, contrary to popular belief, was not stupid. If fact, while Willow was dealing with her own internal demons Xander himself dueling with his own demons. He has known for quite a long time of his best friend's affections and of her jealousy towards their new friend. He knows that Willow has a crush on him and he knows that she thinks that she is in love, but he has seen the look in her eye when she thinks he is not looking. He knows that its affection and he can see the fascination and the attraction, but he has known Willow since they wore footie-pajamas and what he sees is the love between friends. You know this whole love thing would be a whole lot easier if they would just give love and in love two different names, thinks the young man to himself as the conversation moves on without him knowing exactly what the topic is. How about 'fove' for regular love between friends and family, and then being in love can still be called love?  
  
Xander knows that he should be paying attention to the conversation, but his mind too preoccupied with his more important problems to put forth the effort. Besides it's not like we actually talk about anything. We never really talk about anything really important unless it has to do with stopping some sort of evil. We're like Sienfeld, but with demons. Xander doesn't know where that thought came from in the midst of his heavier topics, but it makes him smile and brings him out of his darker thoughts for a few seconds.  
  
He turns his smile toward his friend and sees her eyes sparkling with affection, which breaks his happy moment as his mind turns to serious matters once again. Xander can only plaster his smile on firmly to keep his friend from wondering what his problem is, which would bring about uncomfortable questions with dangerous answers, as he falls back into his thoughts. Why can't I face her and just tell her that she is my best friend and it wouldn't work, he asks himself as his steps grow heavier as he feels the weight of the situation. Because you're a coward, comes Xander's reply from his truth voice, you know that she will be crushed by it. She will run and lock herself in her room refusing to talk to you, face it buddy your friendship is on borrowed time, you'll be lucky if she can get over it by graduation. Of course if she decides to blame Buffy their friendship will suffer and then the whole group thing you have going on now will cease to exist.  
  
Xander can not quite explain to the world how much he hates that voice. His pace has slows to a crawl as despair makes his body grow heavier. Xander consciously pushes his emotions down knowing that if he does not stop himself now it will be ten times as difficult also afraid that if it gets too bad he will start projecting.  
  
Xander looks over at Willow and notices her look away quickly a slight blush creeping across her cheeks before she is able to turn back. Xander knows what just happened, but he knows that now is not the time for a gut wrenching heart to heart talk.  
  
"I can't wait for school to start," says Willow "We're going to be juniors that means Physics and Pre-Calculus all of the good stuff that they don't teach to the lower grades."  
  
Xander stops walking dead in his tracks and turns to stare at his long time friend with his mouth hanging open in disbelief. Willow stops and gives her friend a questioning look before she realizes her mistake.  
  
"Oh yeah, the whole excited about school thing," Willow says smiling sheepishly as her face lights up in embarrassment, "I can't help it if I like school more than most people."  
  
Xander's mouth closes and curls into a genuine smile before draping his arm across his friend's shoulder and giving her a slight squeeze. The humor is apparent in Xander's voice as he eases his friend's mind. "Hey Wills no sweat. Besides if you didn't love school you wouldn't be the Willow that we all know and love, and I would have no help with those subjects that you are so excited about."  
  
Willow's smile widens at this and she puts her arm around Xander's back as the two walk together in a familiar comfort. "So have you heard from Buffy at all this summer," asks Willow, who starts to kick herself for ruining the moment with her crush.  
  
Xander's arm slides off of Willows shoulder as he pulls away slightly to make eye contact with his friend before answering. "No, I haven't heard from her at all. How about you?"  
  
"I got a few post cards and a few calls but nothing in the last few weeks," replies Willow. Willow catches a slight response run across Xander's features, but it is gone before she can identify it. This confuses the red head when she can not figure out what her friend is thinking. Willow knows she should let it go, but she is more than slightly unnerved by her friend's response. She asks her next question against her better judgment and more than slightly afraid of what her friend's answer will be.  
  
"Did you miss her this summer?" Willow can not maintain eye contact as she anxiously waits for Xander's reply.  
  
"Who me," asked Xander feigning surprise, "I've totally gotten over Ms. Short-Blonde-and-Incredibly-Wonderful."  
  
Willow could not help but laugh at her friend's antics as his words contradict his actions. With that short burst of laughter Willow's cares lessened as if her worries were let go along with her happiness. As her laughter fades Willow lets out a heart felt sigh releasing the rest of her pent up worries and feelings. With all of her worries free and floating away on the night air Willow finds a feeling of peace.  
  
Xander hears his friends sigh and can almost taste the emotion in the sound. He turns to his friend and sees the smile crossing her face. Xander's smile is genuine as he recognizes the smile on his best friend's face. It is a smile of contentment; it is like the smile that his former master possessed. It is a smile of genuine happiness free of the oppression of worry and anxiety.  
  
Xander begins to reminisce thinking of the day that he asked his master why he always seemed so happy. Xander will always remember his master's response because it seemed so wonderful and so beautiful that it made the young man jealous of his teacher.  
  
Xander can hear the words being repeated in his head spoken in Master Lee's voice, "The world is a wonderful and magical place made more wonderful by the people who inhabit it. Every person makes up part of the wonder of the universe and true happiness stems from that. Happiness is free of anxiety and doubt; it is pure and all encompassing. When a person is truly happy they can almost feel how the universe works feeling every cosmic cog click with each other making life and happiness in of itself possible. Many who find this kind of happiness don't even know what they have and can never capture it on purpose. It just finds you and you feel the cosmic ping as everything falls into place and it fills your soul so completely that the body can not help but show it through a smile. It is a wonderful gift my young charge and something that all Warriors strive for. I just hope you can find it, but I fear that the way is full of pain and suffering. Think of it as a reward for staying the course and surviving to be an old man like myself."  
  
Willow's next sigh is one of contentment and then brings in a deep breath of night air. "Isn't this a wonderful night," asks Willow as the wonder of this particular night is made known to her, "It's like nothing bad can happen."  
  
The smile on Xander's face falls slightly as he responds his friend in a tone half joking and half serious, "I hope you know that you just jinxed us?"  
  
"Don't be silly Xander," answers Willow dismissively, "You and I both know that we haven't seen more than three vampires all summer."  
  
As if waiting for his cue a vampire appears from the foliage in the cemetery and vaults over the short stonework fence separating the sidewalk and the resting place of the dead. The vampire is wearing tuxedo pants and a white formal shirt, both of which are covered in dirt and grass. The vampires pale skin is off set by his long and stringy black hair and the ridges on his face and yellow eyes leave no mistake as to the being's identity as a creature of the night.  
  
The creature growls at the two teens and moves for Willow. Xander steps in front of the frightened girl and shakes of her arm as she tries to pull him back away from demon.  
  
Xander keeps his focus on the monster before him as he calls to his friend. "Willow, I want you to back away and stay behind me. Look for anymore of them; this one's just risen and his sire could be around looking for it's new childe."  
  
Willow was far beyond surprise at the tone in Xander's voice she went right on to shocked. It was not the voice of a regular high school student; it was the voice of a commander and a leader that demanded to be obeyed.  
  
The look on Xander's face belayed the edge underneath as he continued to smiled at the vampire, who continued to growl as his thirst to feed pushed away all other thoughts. "So is this were you growl and rush me in the hopes to overpower me," asked Xander with a chuckle, "because I really love that part."  
  
The vampire lets loose a feral roar and leaps toward the grinning young man bringing around his right hand in a wicked swipe at the young man's head. "I guess I was wrong you roared instead of growled," said Xander as he bent backwards feeling the air before being disturbed as the hand passed before his face. "And who said that vampires can't adlib?"  
  
The vampire roars again and brings his left hand down vertically hoping to crush the infuriating young man with one blow. Xander's leg muscles flex conforming to maintain balance as his left leg pushes his weight onto his right while Xander turns his torso to narrowly avoid another crushing blow. "You know this would be a lot easier for me if I had a stake," says Xander still smiling content to toy with his opponent.  
  
The vampire roars again but this time his shout is interrupted by a stake exploding through his chest. The vampire's body melts away into dust revealing Buffy standing there with a broken tree branch in her hand.  
  
Xander's breath catches in his chest as he sees the object of his affection standing before him in all of her slayer glory. Xander looks at her face and sees that something isn't quite right. He can't place it but she just does not seem like the Buffy he knows. Xander was planning on telling them about his training, but now he seems wary of dropping this news on her if she there's something wrong. Xander decides to hold off on his revelation until he knows the depth of the situation and waits for Willow, who had jumped Buffy right away and wrapped her in a strong hug, to finish before speaking.  
  
"Hey Buff," he exclaims with enthusiasm, "thanks for the save. I sure am glad that I've perfected my dodging and scurrying skills or I might not be as dashingly handsome anymore."  
  
Xander flashes the two girls his lopsided grin and looks like the normal teenage boy that the girls have known diffusing the situation and avoiding any difficult questions. Xander wraps Buffy up in a powerful hug unconsciously smelling the lithe girl's hair as he reveled in the feelings invoked by holding the slayer. Xander forces himself to let go and looks at Buffy's smiling face as tries to find out what it was he saw when he first saw her, but the answer evades him.  
  
"No problem Xand," says Buffy, "You guys really should know better then to go out at night without some vamp protection."  
  
Willow steps up and begins to explain about the events of the summer, but Xander is not paying attention. In fact Xander is turned away from the group trying to focus his emotions that seem to be warring inside him. On one hand his apprehension toward the slight changes he feels is putting on edge around his friends, but on the other hand Xander is so happy to see his friend home and completing the gang that he feels like he is about to cry for joy.  
  
Xander tries focusing on his heart, but he can not get past his confusion over Buffy. Get her out of your head. You can't start crying in front of the gang I think it may raise some strange questions, Xander berates himself mentally. Xander finally forces himself to come under control before turning around in time to catch the end of Willow's story of the master's burial.  
  
The three friends share a laugh, but Xander notices that Buffy laugh seems almost forced. The three friends turn home and continue to talk with Buffy sharing her experiences from LA and Willow telling Buffy about her Sunnydale escapades. Xander laughs and smiles through the walk to Willow's house, but he notices that Buffy would tense whenever Willow would mention the master or the night of the Hellmouth's opening.  
  
Buffy and Xander drop off Willow and they part ways each heading for their homes. Xander ends up at his home to find his father sleeping off the nights mistake on the couch and his mother in the bedroom asleep. Xander goes through his bed routine and lies down to catch some sleep before having to face a day of school and just hoping that he does not end up crying in the middle of school. Xander lies awake for an hour preparing himself before finally finding the dark comfort of sleep.  
  
* * *  
  
The Next Day  
  
Xander walks the halls of Sunnydale High School looking at his list of classes looking like he is about to walk into a life or death battle. In a way that is exactly what Xander is going to do.  
  
To the young man the sterile tile floors and poster-covered walls represent his own personal hell. Xander has always hated school ever since first grade and he had to take his first test. For Xander school is a place where a person goes to be told how far they will go in life, and ever since Xander can remember he has been told by his parents, teacher, and classmates that he will never go past mediocrity.  
  
This year is different for Xander. The young man is determined to prove to himself that he is capable of more than mediocrity. And if it takes a little wicked cool kung-fu training so be it.  
  
The warrior sees his two friends and immediately drops his fighting persona letting the regular happy Xander take over in its place. He hurries up behind them and drapes his arms over the girl's shoulders pulling them close.  
  
"Hey girls I was thinking that maybe we can go Bronzing it tonight," says Xander, "you know a sort of post mortem party and mourn the loss of our lives we had over the summer."  
  
"Bronzing sounds good to me," says Willow and then looks over at Buffy waiting for her response.  
  
"Bronzing and mourning wouldn't miss it," Buffy answers, "Speaking of lives what did you do all summer, Willow tells me you were like all nonexistent boy this summer?"  
  
"Oh I was around I was just always tired so I stayed in a lot," answers Xander before breaking into a smile, "I think I may have had mono."  
  
The three friends laugh and make plans to meet for lunch before heading toward their next classes. Xander feels better after talking to his friends and doesn't feel so apprehensive about having to deal with school. He walks toward his first class whistling a happy tune and with a slight spring in his step. Xander's day only went up from there, his classes went better then expected as his teachers seemed to be less witch like than the normal teacher he was used to. Lunch was wonderful, and Xander was even able to push his worries about Buffy away with only minimal difficulty, and to top it off he found a quarter facing heads up on the sidewalk outside his house on his walk home. Even his father's normally hurtful remarks about starting another failing year and school rolled off his back, as Xander felt like he could take on the world. Yep, today was a good day, and I was worried that this whole staying out of emotional situations would be tough.  
  
* * *  
  
The Bronze  
  
The Bronze was surprisingly full for a school night. It seemed like everyone had the same idea as Xander and decided to go out Bronzing. The emotions at the tables varied from the depressed to the preternaturally happy, but most people fell somewhere in between celebration the reunion of friends at the same time as mourning their freedom.  
  
At one table sit Buffy and Willow conversing over the music reverberating inside the teenage hangout. The girl's conversation is punctuated by the occasional laugh and drink from some sort of trendy coffee type by-product.  
  
Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of the third member of their evil fighting triumvirate who is dressed in loose navy cargo pants and a red and blue button up short sleeved shirt. It is the same type of clothes that Xander spent his summer training in and the clothes give him a sense of comfort and familiarity.  
  
"Hey ladies," Xander pulls back to take an exaggerated look at the two beauties seated before him. "May I just say you two lovely women of the night look absolutely stunning this fine evening."  
  
Xander bows slightly to the girls, which elicits a smile and a giggle, before taking a seat between the two girls. Xander joins the conversation talking about school and the classes they share and the teachers they like and the ones they would not mind seeing hit by a truck.  
  
Buffy falls silent as she spots Angel across the room staring at her. She excuses herself and walks over toward her vampiric stalker leaving Xander and Willow to watch her from a far.  
  
The look of defeat is apparent on Xander's face as he watches Buffy approach the Romeo to her Juliet. The look on Willow's face looks much the same as she watches Xander's face.  
  
"What do you think they're talking about," asks the quiet red head.  
  
"I don't know," answers Xander, "I bet they are planning their after summer slaying-make-out session."  
  
"Would that be so bad," asks Willow trying to reach her friend, " I mean if he makes her happy then we should be happy for her right?"  
  
Xander watches the couple across the room for a few more seconds noticing that they appear to be fighting. He tears his gaze away from the unfolding scene and looks at Willow his eyes speaking of great sorrow.  
  
"I guess that would be true if Angel could actually make her happy," answers Xander with a sad look on his face. "I watch those two and how they act around each other and I don't see happiness. All I can see is the impending disaster that lies in wait for them in the future. The two are enemies on the molecular level, and they're future can only hold pain and heartache for both of them. I wish I could help her, but Buffy would never forgive me if I didn't let her make her own decision on this no matter how hard it is to watch."  
  
The young man's shoulders slump in defeat as if the weight of the situation's inevitability is too much to bear. Xander forcibly pushes aside his feelings placing them with the rest of his problems he has had this week so that he can work through them during a later training session. Xander's posture comes back to normal, which is slightly slouched, and he forces his smile back on his face.  
  
Willow was left speechless at her friend's response. The change in her friend's demeanor was so quick that she asks herself if she didn't imagine it. It is a side of her friend that she has only seen once in a great while and just like now it would leave without a trace. Willow's heart bleeds for her friend and breaks over the knowledge that he was thinking of Buffy at the time.  
  
Willow's train of thought is broken by the return of the blonde slayer. Buffy looks angry and walks with an unknown purpose. Her intention is made known when she reaches the table and asks Xander to dance. Without waiting for a response she grabs the front of the young man's shirt pulling him out of his seat and on to the dance floor.  
  
The two make their way to the middle of the dance floor as a slow song begins to play. Xander is about to ask Buffy if she wants to wait for a different song, but his question is stopped when Buffy wraps her arms around his neck and begins to sway slowly to the rhythm of the music.  
  
Xander's head swims as Buffy begins to increase the sensuality of her movements and as the amount of contact between the two bodies increased and her hands start to caress his body. Happy confusion. It is the only way that Xander can describe what he is feeling now. He does not know why she is dancing with him but he is too afraid to ask for fear that the moment will dissolve away leaving only the memory like an amazing dream.  
  
Buffy leans in close to Xander's ear and whispers softly, "Xander? Did I ever thank you for saving my life?"  
  
Xander's heart skips a beat as his mind plays those words over in his head and he can only respond with a whispered, "No."  
  
Buffy runs her hand over his chest as she whispers again; "Don't you wish I would?"  
  
And with that she is gone like smoke in the wind leaving Xander alone in the middle of the dance floor. His happiness has faded leaving him only with confusion as everything comes together with a resounding crash. Everything makes sense: the fight, the dance, and her intentions wash over him in a wave of pain and sorrow.  
  
The people around Xander are struck by the aftershock as he begins to project his pain to those around him. Those around him stop dancing all together and look at each other not sure what is happening to them. Xander rushes toward the exit and the crowd parts before him, as more people are struck by their empathy with the hurting teen.  
  
Xander makes it out the door and begins to run not knowing where he is going and not caring either. The pain fuels him as his body tries to release some of the power rolling around inside of him so that it can deal with it. His mind only comprehends the wind on his face, the pounding of feet on the ground, and the beating of his heart.  
  
Unknown to Xander he has found himself running through a graveyard and is completely unaware of the amount of pain and sorrow he is releasing into the night air. It is like a giant 'Eat at Xander's' sign surrounded by neon lights pointing directly to his jugular.  
  
The young man weaves through the trees and hurdle the headstones working on an animalistic instinct found deep within his heart and soul. It is the same way a person knows that danger is imminent, the feeling a person has on the back of their neck and the pit of their stomach except Xander is tapped directly into this feeling reacting without thought and seeing without eyes.  
  
His lack of thought means that the young man is taken completely by surprise when his body comes to a grinding halt and his consciousness returns with the sudden intensity of an arctic wind.  
  
Xander's surprise at his own actions is secondary as he notices five vampires have surrounded him, and the looks on their faces imply that they are just as surprised by the sudden turn in events as Xander.  
  
Xander straightens up calmly as he reaches into his pant's front pockets. Xander had modified his pants slightly by cutting holes in his pockets so that he can access the harnesses wrapped around his legs, which hold two stakes tightly to his thighs.  
  
Xander is still putting out emotions like a light bulb, but his pain is being replaced by a rage born from pain. It does not roll and froth inside him like his anger normally would, this is different, it is still and calm like a pond in the dead of winter frozen on the outside giving no hint of what lies underneath.  
  
A calm before the storm is the only way Xander can describe what he is feeling. He speaks no warning to the vampires knowing that it is useless and because he needs this to happen. Xander unstraps the stakes from their harnesses pulling the pointed and jagged wood from his pockets. The vampires are beyond surprised as the young man before they proceeds to place his two stakes inside the waist band of his pants freeing up his hands before crossing his arms in front of his chest.  
  
Xander waits enjoying the calm of the situation and reveling in the sharp edges of his pain. The quiet of the moment is broken by a growl emitted from deep within the throat of the vampire directly behind the quiet teen alerting him of the demon's intent, but Xander does not move to react as the vampire springs toward him.  
  
At least Xander does not react right away. He calmly turns to face his assailant reaching for a stake with his right hand. Xander gracefully avoids the violent rush by calmly side stepping the vampire keeping the monster in front of him. Xander's right leg trips the vampire launching the beast forward with Xander's left hand adding distance and momentum to the fall, and Xander drives his stake into the still heart of his foe. The body flies toward another vampire with Xander hot on his trail. As the flying vampire approaches one of his brethren his body transforms into dust entering the other unfortunate vampire's eyes causing them to water temporarily blurring his vision and permanently sealing his fate.  
  
Xander dispenses death to the blinded vampire quickly and without pretense leaving only three vampires to contend with. Two vampires rush the young man from either side hoping to split his attention and score a wicked hit to put the odds in their favor, but the two's plan has an inherent flaw in it. By the time they are close enough to strike Xander has executed a forward role underneath the two attacks and comes out of the somersault in front of the lone vampire with his stake leading.  
  
The sound of the vampire changing into dust echoes through the night telling the quiet evening of another triumph and sounding a death toll for the fallen demon. The two remaining demon turn to the young man who still has not lost his hard edge, and who is still waiting for the ice to break and for his rage to be let out.  
  
Letting out roars of defiance and anger the two rush Xander who calmly slips his stake back into his pants and readies himself to receive the coming wave. Xander is fighting with the calmness and finality of his heart not moving with the same kinetic energy as he normally possesses. Xander moves minimally deciding to block the strikes launched at him instead of dodging and refraining from countering.  
  
All the while the dead eyes begin to grow with new life as the layer of icy pain laying over his anger and rage begins to thaw and melt away with each accepted blow. Xander's moves gain momentum as his blocks turn into small counter-attacks. With the suddenness of a bolt of lightning Xander's hands snap outward connecting with the vampire's deformed faces throwing the two demons backward two steps.  
  
Using his newfound room Xander reaches for a stake and snaps his hand out like a cobra letting the stake fly toward the dark heart of one of the vampires. The stake finds its mark leaving one stunned vampire and one burning mad warrior.  
  
With a cry full of anger and pain Xander launches himself at his last opponent with ferocity that far surpasses the vampire's earlier efforts. The vampire tries to defend himself but his supernatural speed can not stand up to the fury of blows being rained down upon the monster. Xander drives the demon back toward a large tree standing in the cemetery. The vampire continues to give ground before the onslaught until his back hits the tree breaking concentration and allowing Xander to land a number of blows the vampire's head stunning the beast.  
  
The vampire tries to swipe at Xander's face but he blocks the strike with his arm and brings his other arm around to viciously break the offending appendage. Xander follows the strike by driving his stake into the vampire's shoulder driving through the tendons and flesh before the stake is stopped by the tree behind the vampire.  
  
Xander lifts the vampire's other arm and breaks it as well before follow up again with a stake through the shoulder and into the tree behind the wailing demon. Xander steps back to look at the vampire, whose is stuck against the tree, and its arms are hanging lifelessly at its side.  
  
The monster begins to cry for mercy, but his pleas fall on deaf ears as Xander steps forward with the intent of releasing the rest of his rage upon the pathetic demon. Xander's eyes are focused on the chest of the beast, more specifically the area where the demon's evil heart lies dead an affront to the world. Xander steps forward and begins to rain blows down upon the demon's chest in a wide circle around the area over the heart. With each broken rib Xander's rage is lessened, and he slowly brings the circle of pain in tighter and tighter drawing closer and closer to his ultimate goal.  
  
After a few more laps around the contracting circle Xander's blows fall directly on his acquired target, but his blows do not slow and his intensity does not lessen as the blows continue to fall with a pounding rhythm. The vampire's cries for death do not reach Xander as he feels the spot he is pounding grow softer and softer under each hit.  
  
Xander's rage finally plays itself out leaving the young man winded and the vampire's torso a mangled mess of protruding bones and flowing blood. Xander finally grants the demon the release of death dropping the stake he used to the ground not wanting to look at the bloodied weapon. Xander makes it about five steps toward his home before he collapses onto his hands and knees and purges himself of all of his residual pain along with the contents of his stomach. The tears that follow are like a soothing balm to the young man's soul as he finds comfort and strength in the act of supposed weakness.  
  
Xander makes it home without incident and falls onto his bed fully clothed and dead tired, but before he falls into the comforting embrace of sleep he decides that his abilities will remain a secret for only him to know and for him alone to carry. He concludes that since his friends only know the goofy happy Xander that it will be easier for all involved if they go on thinking that. Sleep finally claims the young man and he falls into the dreamless sleep found by the exhausted.  
  
End Chapter 6. 


	3. Chapter 7

1 Warrior of the Heart  
  
2  
  
3 Author: JimboS  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all.  
  
Summary: Xander finally finds out that he is good at something. Takes Place after season one after that anything goes.  
  
E-mail: RaistlinM1@aol.com  
  
Feedback: Hey why not. In fact let me change that to "please, please, please I beg you please." Even if you don't like it please tell me why I need to know if I'm going to try and fix it. Grade me. Evaluate me. Just tell me anything as long as it's honest. I can take it really you can even e-mail me if it make you more comfortable.  
  
Author's note 1: This is my first fic ever so please help me out.  
  
Author's note 2: This chapter I tried to keep some continuity with the actual dialogue and other such things with the show. I found this to be too difficult because I felt like I was tied down. So I'm going to probably just be using events from season two from now on.  
  
Author's note 3: This chapter was written under extreme writer's block. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I decided to post it anyway so that I can move on with the story.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
4  
  
5 Chapter 7  
  
The Journal of Xander Harris  
  
What creates a human being? What shapes the impressionable child into the man whom enters the world. The answer is Family. I have had a large family, but I don't have many blood relations. I guess that makes me lucky because I got to choose my family that way I know they love me and I know that I love them.  
  
I've never had a brother or sister but in many ways Willow is my little sister. I guess we sort of adopted each other that first day we met. I saw her being picked on by Cordelia and her Cordettes, she wouldn't stand up for herself she was too shy and quiet, so I called Cordelia and her friends 'stupid-heads' and told them to leave Willow alone; they left after telling me I had cooties. We ate lunch together and she gave me half of her sandwich when she saw I didn't have a lunch. I know that it was childish, and I don't think our relationship has changed that much in all of these years; I still look out for her and protect her while she takes care of me, like a good brother and sister should.  
  
Now considering how horrible my father is I've been blessed to have such amazing father figures in my life. First would be my master Mr. Charles Lee. A father should be someone a child can look up to and try to emulate. In that case I think that Master Lee is the greatest father a son could ask for. I mean who wouldn't want to be a kung-fu master and the CEO of a multi-million dollar company. I think that after a while he started to look upon me as a son as well. I've never seen that look that he would give me after I mastered a new technique. It was a look that expressed love and caring but most of all it was pride. I guess for most people its not that important they see it everyday, and now I know how the other half live. I think that Master Lee needed me just as much as I needed him. The knowledge of the Warrior's was always passed down through the family making the training style based upon that relationship. I guess it was inevitable but that doesn't change how special it was and I just hope that I can become as good of a man as Lee is.  
  
If Lee was the man to give me the knowledge of the ancients then I guess Giles would be the one to dispense the wisdom of the world. Giles and I are in a love, annoy relationship, but I know that he would protect me with his life. I think that Giles and Master Lee are a lot alike they both don't have children of their own so the ones they care about get adopted. I believe that Giles looks on Willow Buffy and I as his children.  
  
Who is the person who has shaped me the most you ask. Well, that would be my father. He has given me a gift more precious than any metal or jewel; he has given me the gift of knowing exactly who I don't want to be when I grow old. I now know that no matter what I end up doing in my life if I am not like my father I will be a success. My father gave in to the pain and pressure of the world and he let it control him. I now have something to fight for when I feel myself slipping and I have a reason to be strong. So do I love my father? Yes, I do. I may not like him, but I do love him.  
  
I look at myself in wonder when I think about who I am because I am Xander Harris and nobody else can ever copy that.  
  
Xander Harris  
  
* * *  
  
Xander's Room  
  
To the untrained eye the room of a teenage boy looks like a strange temple dedicated to dirty clothes, food, and pop culture. Xander's room is no exception; in fact his room is the quintessential teenage boy's room. Dirty clothes are make up the congregation in this strange temple covering the floor leaving only small glimpses of the navy carpet below. Opened candy bar wrappers and empty bags of chips are strewn about like the remains from past sacrifices. Colorful posters depicting an assortment of musical icons, none of which are hung straight, cover the walls paying homage to the pop culture gods that all teenagers sacrifice their impressionable minds to in their quest for the intangible presence of coolness.  
  
An old guitar leans against the wall keeping a silent vigil over the proceedings. At one point in his life Xander decided that he wanted to learn how to play the guitar, so he saved his money and bought a used six string and a book on how to play. His idea was to be a self taught prodigy, so he would sit in his room for hours playing the cords over and over working on the changes until he could make the guitar sing. Eventually he lost interest in his endeavor instead of bringing him joy playing the guitar seemed to only bring out the pain lurking inside him giving it sound and substance making the feelings real and unavoidable. The guitar has not felt the gentle caress of its companion's touch for a number of years, but it still leans against the wall waiting patiently for the music to return.  
  
The centerpiece in this temple is the teen's bed, the sacred altar where the daily rituals take place. It is where large amounts of pizza, the food of the goods, is consumed late at night and where soft glow of the television falls giving its blessing and working its will upon the all that it surveys.  
  
On this quiet night Xander lies upon the altar asleep where he has fallen still in his clothes and still covered in a thin layer of the remains of his late night attackers. Yet he does not toss and turn seeking comfort in this uncomfortable situation; instead he lies still as a corpse the only evidence of life is the subtle rise and fall of his chest.  
  
Although the young man lies still and calm a fierce battle is raging inside his dreamscape. Xander is once again inside his mental arena and just like his earlier test he is once again fighting himself.  
  
This new Xander is a beast of a man. He is wearing the same clothes as Xander but his pants are torn off at the knee to accommodate his large leg muscles and the shirt is ripped in the front along with the sleeves to fit over his barrel chest and huge biceps. In place of normal fingernails five deadly talons are on the end of his hand. The course body hair covering his body only adds to the animalistic look of the young man, and Xander can not help but think of Saber-tooth from the X-men.  
  
The battle looks to be in full swing and Wild Xander's ferocity is extraordinary as he unleashes a torrent of vicious slashes using his wicked claws to his fullest advantage keeping the regular Xander on the defensive.  
  
Blood pours from the crisscross pattern of cuts that are forming on Xander's forearms as successful blocks are turned into wicked gashes by the beast's claws. As his defense is beginning to crumble around him Xander knows that he must break his opponent's rhythm if he is going to survive past the next few minutes.  
  
Wild Xander's claws are drenched in blood and with each strike large drops of the warm liquid pour down like rain. Xander is feeling overwhelmed as each strike puts him further off balance and closer to the fatal strike. A large drop of blood flies off of a claw arcing in the air to splatter upon Xander's neck. The warmth of his own blood running down his neck and down his open shirt to be caught the white tank top is unsettling for the young man, but it does give him his only chance of stopping the flurry of strikes coming at him.  
  
Seeing his chance Xander attacks with a straight punch as fast as he can aimed at his opponent's face. Xander was too far away for the punch to actually land; but that was not his intention.  
  
The blood pouring from his wounds covering his arms is the real weapon. The forward momentum of the attack sends a large amount of the crimson liquid flying toward its intended target splattering Wild Xander's face and more importantly his eyes.  
  
The beast man's attacks continue without the use of his eyes never letting his focus waiver never stopping to clear his vision. Only after a few more strikes does the wild man stop and wipe away the obstruction this gives Xander the time he needs to finally take stock of the situation.  
  
Rage. Deep down inside Xander knows he is fighting the rage that he let loose during his earlier fight. He let his rage control him and now he has to force it back, and his opponent has no other purpose than to destroy Xander. His focus is what makes him so dangerous he has no other thoughts to slow him down no fear and no hesitation, but his focus also blinds him from seeing the whole picture and making his attacks unplanned and disconnected.  
  
Only by constantly attacking putting his prey on the run can he gain an advantage. A simple plan forms in Xander's head as he takes in his opponent's strengths and weaknesses. Xander knows that his fury will be no match for his adversary's if he is forced to keep it under control, so he tries finding the closest match.  
  
The pain in his arms gives him the answer as he tries to find an emotion that he knows well, but hates with all his soul. Deep down Xander must find his fear and use it to keep himself alive.  
  
Fear. It is a universal emotion dealt with in a thousand different ways. Xander preferred way of dealing with his fear was to convince himself that it did not exist until it went away, but now he needs to face it and master it within the next few seconds before his blinded opponent can start again.  
  
Xander looks deep inside and sees his own death and sees what will happen if the beast takes over his physical shell. He sees him destroying everything that once made him angry. First would be his parents then the students at Sunnydale High who had teased him. He then saw his friends try and stop him only to be destroyed themselves by his own hands only feeding his anger at the world. He saw himself burn up his rage slowly as more and more people die until it was all gone, and he watched himself lie down in the ruins of the town he both loved and hated and just stop. Everything just stopped his body just ran out of fuel and gave up.  
  
This is where Xander finds his focus to match the razor sharp rage of his opponent. The desperation and the need to win strengthened the young man. Xander closes his eyes to revel in the feeling as it flows through his body like a second boost to the adrenaline already coursing through his blood, and into his mind giving him focus increasing his reflexes and his senses including a strange six sense for danger born from his need to survive.  
  
Xander's eyes shoot open as he feels his adversary launch himself toward him. The two fighters begin the beautiful ballet of death. The fighters look like two mighty waves coming together as Xander uses his new found focus to avoid the wild attacks while setting his feet for a counter attack. Xander ducks under an overextended attack and counters with a sharp left and right combination to the ribs followed quickly by two slaps to the face. Xander then backs off a few paces and smiles at the personification of his own rage standing before him with surprise written all over his face.  
  
Wild Xander slowly brings his hand up to caress his cheek and the bloody handprints left there not quite understanding what just happened. A punch, a kick, and elbow strike these are things that the man's bestial brain can comprehend the fact that he was mocked is completely foreign to him, but his prey's body language speaks loud and clear. The mocking grin, the slight slouch, and the relaxed muscles all speak of a total disregard of him as a threat or a predator.  
  
The howl that reverberates from inside Wild Xander's chest full of rage and demands the death of the one who caused it. The sound is so full of rage that it feels like a wave crashing over the young man's soul. The feeling of feeling his own rage coming at him from outside of his body is almost enough for him to miss the attack that followed. Luckily his sixth sense kicked in soon enough that he instinctually moved away from the attacks.  
  
Xander snapped out of his reverie in time to keep his plan going. Xander dodges the next flurry of blows contorting his body around attacks avoiding them by centimeters. The rustling of air around his face is truly unsettling as a side swipe passes in front of the young man's face as the beast of a man tries to rip the mocking grin off of the young man's face.  
  
Xander ducks under another strike and completes the same sequence of punches as before followed by two more slaps to the face. If Xander was expecting a stop in the fight though he was sadly mistaken as Wild Xander only pushed himself faster and further. Once again Xander is left on his figurative heels under the onslaught.  
  
Xander is walking a fine line; his fear is threatening to control him as he is taken closer to the limit of his power, but his mind is still working at a faster speed as he tries to finish his plan. He sees his opening come quickly and knows that it is now or never as he ducks under another slicing claw.  
  
The first punch is just like first in the series, but the next strike does not come as Wild Xander learns his lesson and brings both claws down to rip his prey in half. Of course this is just what Xander wanted, and Wild Xander's strike only passes through the air.  
  
Xander had known if he blinded his opponent with his own rage he would be able to take advantage of the laps. That was why when his first blow connected he was already spinning with the momentum of the blow coming out of the spin facing the unprotected back of his bestial counterpart.  
  
Xander knifes a flurry of punches into his adversary's kidneys before ducking under the predictable backhand from Wild Xander that followed as he turned to face the young man. As soon as he felt the claw slice over his head Xander launched himself into the air spinning opposite direction as his opponent along with his extended leg that would spell the end of the fight. Wild Xander turned directly into the strike adding to the momentum of the powerful blow and contributing to the power that sent him into unconsciousness.  
  
The large body arcs through the air and lands a few feet away, but Xander remains rigid in a fighting stance ready for the attack that does not come. After a few more seconds tick away Xander releases the breath that he was unconsciously holding and drops his stance grabbing his knees and taking in steadying breaths.  
  
Xander's jaw drops to the floor when he sees the blood pouring from his arms slow and finally stop followed by the wounds closing leaving no indication that they had ever been there in the first place. The young man does not get long to reflect on this as the arena he is standing in slowly begins to fade away, and he knows that he will not be able to stay in his dream world for long.  
  
* * *  
  
Streets of Sunnydale  
  
Xander woke up after his mental battle mentally exhausted but with his body full of energy, so he decided to take a walk in the hope that he will get his body as tired as his mind. He strapped his knives on to his thighs and took two stakes, which he stuffed into the waist of his pants and then covered them with his shirt. Xander crept out of his house careful not to rouse his father asleep on the couch.  
  
The full moon shines down upon the city of Sunnydale bathing the city in a soothing silver glow. Xander walks with his head down staring at his feet letting them lead him to an unknown destination. He turns his thoughts toward the events of the night.  
  
"To think all of this started with one simple dance," he says to the night air.  
  
Xander let out a small laugh hoping to convince himself that the situation was actually funny, but it sounded hollow and without mirth. He then releases a sigh hoping to release some of his confusion and depression like a steam engine releasing a burst of vapor.  
  
You're going to have to make a decision Xander, says his observant portion of his mind.  
  
"You're wrong," he answers aloud, "I don't have to make a decision because there is no decision to make."  
  
The decision of whether you are going to tell the gang about yourself. the voice answers. And if you don't tell them you'll have to avoid them, so they don't find out because if what happened in the Bronze happens again you won't need to worry about keeping a secret.  
  
Xander stops walking and leans against a flickering streetlight stuffing his hands in his pockets letting his fingers poke through the holes and caress the pommels of the knives hidden in their harnesses.  
  
"I can't tell them about me," he answers, "and there is no way I'm going to not be with my friends especially when they need me." The last part of his sentence sounds more like an oath than a phrase.  
  
Well then you're answer is simple; just tell them that you can now fight and that you have a small problem with controlling your gift.  
  
"You know for my brain you sure have a hard time listening," says Xander as he pushes off of the streetlight and starts following his feet again. "I just said that I can't tell them about all of this."  
  
Maybe you could enlighten your super-ego as to why telling your friends the truth is a physical impossibility, asks the voice in his head with a touch of annoyance.  
  
"I just can't okay!" exclaims Xander, who freezes when he realizes that he just screamed at himself, but he continues walking after a few seconds. "I'm going crazy not only am I talking to myself now I'm yelling at myself."  
  
Xander expected the voice to go away after his outburst, but he was sorely mistaken. First off you aren't crazy because I'm not crazy, so you can't be crazy; now why is it that you can't tell your friends about it. says the voice. One would think that the group would be happy to get another heavy hitter in the group.  
  
Another sigh escapes Xander's lips as he tries to come up with a good reason, but he fails miserably. "I don't know I can't explain it," Xander mumbles in defeat as he turns right at a corner and continues following his feet.  
  
I think you do know, says his inner voice, you know because I know. You're just too scared to admit it out loud. You are scared of what your friends will think if you tell them that you are different. You know that she already has a boyfriend who can't give her a normal life and now you can't either. You're afraid that they will treat you differently if they know the truth and your afraid that they will be afraid of you. Any of this ringing a bell?  
  
"It might be", answers the young man, "but I also don't want to be a liability. I don't want them to look at me like I could snap at any time and then have them treat me with kid gloves. I just want to be Xander Harris, friend and funny guy. I don't want to be Xander Harris, sidekick. I don't want to be playing Robin in this scenario; I'm good enough to be Batman, but we already have one of those."  
  
So what is the dark knight going to do, asks his super-ego its inner voice practically dripping sarcasm. Are you going to live a double life? That means that you can't patrol with her and still protect her.  
  
Xander looks up and sees that he is outside Master Lee's former house, which is now his. "You're wrong," a grin slowly appears on Xander's face as he answers. "I'm just going to have to work harder and that means I'm going to have to get better."  
  
Of course the flaw in Xander's plan is made known to him again by his inner voice. That means that your inner demons are going to get stronger as well, and your control will have to get even better.  
  
Xander can not put into words how much he hates that voice.  
  
* * *  
  
Sunnydale High School  
  
The sun shines down upon the dale that it gives its name dispelling the shadow of the night and replacing the soft glow of the moon. Sunnydale High School is teeming with life as students move about outside the school unwilling to enter the wide double doors and face the challenges that wait inside the sterile halls.  
  
Xander is at the top of the stairs in the front of the school leaning against the railing and soaking in the sun and trying to expand his mind trying to be aware of everything around him trying to expand the strength of his intuition. With the amount of evil that creeps around at night Xander is hoping to tap into his sixth sense like in the dream, so he can not be surprised on patrol. Xander takes in a deep breath tasting the sunshine and life around him and lets out a deep breath in a sigh of contentment.  
  
Xander spent the rest of last night inside his new home training and reading from the journals of past masters. After going through some mental exercises he worked his body for about three hours practicing his techniques armed and unarmed. He then spent the rest of his time in meditation using a technique described in one of the master's journals. It was a rejuvenation technique where the participant falls into a deep sleep like state and draws strength from the outside world. The technique worked and the young warrior awoke from his trance feeling alive and filled with energy.  
  
That is the state that Willow finds the young man as he calmly leans against the hand railing idly fingering the hem of his shirt. Willow is surprised that he is at school so early, but she just assumes it has to do with what happened last night. The quiet redhead makes he way toward her friend treading carefully up behind him in the hopes of catching him unaware.  
  
"Hey Willow," Xander calls over him shoulder without turning around.  
  
Willow stops in her tracks and looks around her in the search for a mirror or some sort of reflective object. If there was a mirror in front of her she would have seen the smile on Xander's face stretched from ear to ear when he heard her gasp of surprise.  
  
"Will, are you giving me the silent treatment for a reason or what," asked Xander, "I don't remember doing anything that would warrant the wrath of my best friend, so I don't know what I should be apologizing for."  
  
"No, I'm not giving you the silent treatment, answers Willow, "but how did you know I was behind you?"  
  
Xander sits fully on the railing pulls his legs into the air and spins on his axis to face his friend with a wide smile on his face. "I heard your foot steps when you were trying to sneak up on me," answered the young man, "guys don't were shoes with heals and you are the only girl I know who actually sneaks up on me instead of sneaks away from me."  
  
Willow's original smile returns when Xander drapes his arm over her shoulder and starts walking into the building. She can not help but snuggle in closer as they walk, but she stops herself when she feels Xander's body stiffen slightly at the extra contact. Mentally she panics hoping that she had not over stepped her bounds as friend. She is torn between wanting him to ignore it keeping his arm where it is and hoping that he will take his arm away look at her and finally talk to her about them as a couple. Xander settles for a combination of the two by removing his arm and ignoring the situation.  
  
The two friends walk in silence through the sparsely populated halls when Willow suddenly remembers what she was going to talk to Xander about earlier. She pulls him off to the side toward her locker and Xander follows without question. Willow spins the lock entering her combination and opening the metal door before turning back to her friend who is waiting patiently for her to grab her things.  
  
"I forgot to ask you about last night," says the red head, "Where did you go after the dance? I didn't know where you went; I tried to call you but when you didn't answer I got worried that you ran into trouble"  
  
Xander runs his hand through his hair and lets out a forceful sigh as he remembers the events of the previous night. He looks away from his friend not wanting to make eye contact before he offers a response.  
  
"I just had to get out of there Will," he says apologetically as he turned to look her, "I could feel everyone staring at me and I just got a little claustrophobic. When I got home I decided that sleep was the cure, so I disconnected my phone so I wouldn't be disturbed. I'm sorry you were worried, but I just needed to be alone for a while."  
  
If Willow had known what really had happened that night she may not have had the same look on her face, but she didn't so she offered her friend an understanding smile and squeezed his arm in reassurance.  
  
"It's okay Xand; I understand," Willow says keeping her hand on the young man's arm. "But the real question is what has gotten into Buffy. I think we need to talk to Giles about this. I think Giles is monitoring the halls today before school I think it would be a good idea to see him before Buffy gets here."  
  
"Okay, that sounds like good idea," says Xander nodding. The two friends leave, after Willow grabs a book from her locker, in search of the librarian.  
  
The two friends find Giles standing in the student lounge watching over the halls with a bored look on his face. The faculty now has to take turns monitoring the halls before school; just another one of Principal Snyder's new policies. Willow and Xander approach the watcher and Willow gives him a small wave as they draw closer.  
  
"Giles we have to talk," says Willow not waiting for the proper exchange of greetings.  
  
Giles nods his head and motions for the two friends to follow toward a small nook for some privacy. The conversation moves toward the couches and Xander follows slowly behind the two not anxious to have the conversation.  
  
The Watcher and the teenage girl start talking about Buffy and what has happened in the past day, but Xander is hardly paying attention to the details just listening idly.  
  
"Maybe she's possessed?"  
  
"By what?"  
  
"I don't know. Some possessing thing. You're the watcher you figure it out."  
  
"I don't think we are dealing with a possession."  
  
Xander finally spoke up when he felt the conversation had come to a useful point.  
  
"I agree with Giles on this one," the young man said from his seat on the cheap piece of furniture. "She is scared and confused, so she is acting strange because she doesn't know what to do."  
  
Giles nods in agreement with a mild look of surprise on his face that the revelation came from Xander of all people, but Xander is not finished.  
  
"For one thing she died," Xander says enumerating on his fingers as he stands up and faces his friends. "Although it was only for a few seconds it could have been permanent, and she has to face the fact that she has a life expectancy of a field mouse. On top of that she won; she beat the master with relative ease after he killed her. I think she has learned that it really doesn't matter how good you are training will only increase her time until the end. Some stupid fledgling with dirt still on his burial suit could kill her at anytime. All of this she will deal with, but she can't see past the chosen one thing. If she can die at anytime then that means that we can die too, and so she is pushing us away because she thinks that death is following her around and that the longer we stay with her the more likely the fact that we will die."  
  
Xander then sits back down on the table after his long speech and turns away from his audience. The speech hit a nerve with the young man when he realizes that he will have to deal with the same problems if he too takes up the cause.  
  
Giles just stands as still as a statue taking in what was just said he takes off his glasses and wipes the nonexistent particles of dust from the curved lenses. Willow falls onto the couch not looking to see if there actually is a chair for her to land in. She falls into the couch as if the gravity of the situation is too much for her to bear forcing her to find support.  
  
It is this melancholy scene that Buffy finds as she enters the cafeteria looking for her watcher. The oppressive silence of the room would normally made the Slayer nervous but today she does not pay it any mind.  
  
"Giles," calls Buffy from the doorway of the cafeteria. The watcher turns to see his emotionally distraught slayer approach him fast. Before he can greet her and attempt a conversation she blurts out the reason for her morning visit, "The Master is gone!"  
  
Three jaws drop at the news. Giles wipes his glasses again, Willow stands up and tries to talk but can only make unintelligible grunts and garbles, and Xander just buries his head in his hands.  
  
Giles is the first to recover from the shock to question Buffy, "are you sure about this?"  
  
"Yeah I stopped by and there was a big hole in the ground with no master inside."  
  
Willow finally overcomes her shock to ask the question on everyone's mind, "Giles, what would somebody want with the bones of the Master?"  
  
Giles turns to address Willow, "I'm not sure," answers the watcher. "They must be trying to resurrect the Master, but I've never heard of such a ceremony actually working."  
  
At hearing this Buffy grabs Giles tweed clad shoulder and spins him around forcing him to meet her gaze. "Are you saying that you knew that they could be trying this," asks Buffy clearly upset at what she perceives to be a betrayal.  
  
Giles is flustered as he stares in to the murderous blue-green orbs of the Slayer. Buffy's eyes hold no pity as Giles writhe before her gaze. Words fail the man as he grasps at words that pass through his head trying to find the right combination to explain his actions.  
  
"Well.yes," replies the watcher. Lucky for the watcher Willow is there to pull his fat from the fire, "Well, Buffy, Giles did bury him and we did the ceremony and."  
  
Of course when Buffy turned her glare toward the redhead she was less then thrilled with her need to defend the man. "Look, this is Slayer stuff, okay," Buffy's eyes glare into her best friend. "Could we have just a little less from the civilians, please?"  
  
Willow involuntarily takes a step back as she is overwhelmed by her friend's actions. Xander has patiently watched the scene play out without saying anything, but watching one of his best friends being attacked by his other friend is more than he is willing to stand.  
  
"Hey," the Warrior exclaims standing up and getting nose to nose with the Slayer. "Just back off okay. We are a part of this too remember? We are in this because we want to be and because we need to be and because we care. We care about our families, our friends, and we care about you. Just let us help."  
  
Xander's body stiffens when the words pouring from his mouth finally catches up with his brain, and the look of surprise on his face exactly mirrors the one on Buffy's. The two just stand there staring at each other neither looking away and neither actually comprehending what is before them.  
  
The scene becomes heavy with anticipation as Willow and Giles wait to see what will happen. If Buffy will hug the young man or punch him across the room. The scene does not change only the background of filing students give any evidence of the passage of time.  
  
Xander is a mess inside his emotions fighting each other for supremacy with love and hate leading the charge. Xander knows that he should be upset with the petite blonde standing before him. The dance and her attack of his friends do not lend themselves to understanding, but his head is being fought tooth and nail by his heart and the caring he has for her. The longer he stares at her the more he sees her. The worry lines crossing her brow and the reflection of unshed tears pooling in front of her blue-green eyes pull at the young man's heart, and he knows that the mighty Slayer is scared. Watching her standing there in all of her vulnerable glory all Xander can think of is to hold and protect the girl with all of his might, but he stands fast unwilling to break the moment.  
  
Buffy stands watching the young man before her wondering 'why'. 'Why did he have to be so sweet to her?', 'Why did he have to say that he cared?', and most of all she wonders 'Why does he have to look at me like that?'. Buffy sees the softness of the teenager's chocolate eyes and the kind smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. Buffy sees these things and she knows what they mean, but she can not face this now. Buffy can only see what his face would look like in death. She sees his eyes turned cold and lifeless and his mouth open letting out a silent cry for all eternity, and she knows that if she lets him stay with her that sooner or later she will not be able to stop it.  
  
The two continue to stare until Giles sees Snyder approaching from down the hall and breaks the moment by clearing his throat snapping the duo out of their statuesque poses. "Now is not the time," says Giles nodding his head toward the Snyder. "I think we should continue this in the library after school."  
  
The teenagers nod their heads and disperse toward their classes to knowing that today will be an exercise in willpower as they are forced to study and pay attention with the world hanging in the balance.  
  
* * *  
  
Library After School  
  
For the three teens now spread throughout the library looking through dusty tomes the whole day has been a blur of worry and classes. The guilt of carry such a huge secret has weighed them down as they watch the students of Sunnydale obliviously go about their lives.  
  
However the satisfaction of doing something constructive is short lived for one Xander Harris. The thin layer of dust laying upon the books flies into the air with each turn of the page irritating his and makes reading the faded script within even more of a challenge.  
  
With each turn of the page Xander mumbles some more, "I hate Latin, I hate Sumerian, and I hate old English. Why can't they just upgrade to English 2.0?"  
  
The others do not hear the disgruntled rambling of the young man and continue with their own search. The quiet of the room is broken by the scrape of a chair's legs against the wooden floor when Giles stands quickly drawing everyone's attention to him.  
  
"Alright, alright, I-I-I've got something," says the watcher with uncertainty. "It's Latin, so bear with me. Uh, to revive the vampire they need his bones, which they have, and, um, the blood. This is very unclear, of the closest person... uh, someone connected to the vampire."  
  
"That would be me," announced Buffy from her perch on the library table. When she sees the skeptical look on the faces of her friends she elaborates, "We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness."  
  
"Giles, do we have any idea of where or when this ceremony needs to take place," asks Xander, who is sitting on the steps leading to the stacks. "If we can find out where it is going to."  
  
Xander's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of breaking glass as a rock crashes through the pane with a loud crash. Xander is up in less than a second and reaching into his self-tailored pockets to grab his hidden daggers. Buffy catches the rock and inspects it to find a note attached by an expensive looking bracelet.  
  
"This is Cordelia's," she says as she unclasps the fine piece of jewelry. She unfolds the note and reads it aloud, "come to the Bronze tonight or we make her a meal."  
  
"What are we going to do," asks Willow.  
  
Buffy lets out a sigh as if to show her boredom with the situation before saying, "I go to the Bronze and save the day." The Slayer then turns toward the door to make her exit, but she is stopped by Xander's voice.  
  
"This is a great plan," says the young man with sarcasm dripping from every word. "Well master strategist maybe you should tell us about phase two of your plan before you go ahead with phase one."  
  
Buffy turns to look at Xander, who is casually leaning against the side of the stairs waiting for Buffy's answer. "Phase two," asks Buffy clearly annoyed at Xander's remarks.  
  
"Oh come on Buffy, you have to remember phase two," says Xander staring at the blonde expectantly. "Well phase one is obviously the 'Buffy walks right into a trap and is sucked dryer than an over cooked turkey, but I would like to know what phase two is because you won't be around to implement it."  
  
Buffy looks like she has just been slapped in the face and in actuality an actual slap may not have hurt as much as the young man's word did. Buffy's eyes turn cold and angry, and she looks like she is about to kill Xander but instead she quietly speaks, "Phase two is where you never come near me again, and I don't put you in the hospital."  
  
Buffy storms out of the library throwing open the doors so violently that they almost fly off their hinges. Xander stands silently staring at the doors that continue to swing open and close alternating his view from the varnished wood to the retreating form of the petite Slayer.  
  
Giles and Willow can only stare at each other not knowing how to respond to what has just transpired before them. When they do turn their gazes toward Xander they find him with his entire body clenched and shaking slightly. Sweat beads upon his brow and he appears to be whispering to himself.  
  
"My anger is my fuel, my pain gives me strength, I am their master they serve me." This is Xander's mantra and he repeats it over and over as he feels his emotions wash over him, and although he tries to bring them under control they overwhelm him.  
  
He feels the pain of loss as if there is a whole in his heart where Buffy normally stays, but she has walked out on him literally and figuratively. Every muscle in Xander's body is clenched as his anger flows through his body giving his body strength, but he has no release because of the emotion that is confusing the hell out of him. Love. Even through every facet of his anger and hurt he still can not help but love the girl. He can not bring himself to let his pain obliterate it, and he can not allow his anger to consume it. All he truly knows is that he can not let her go.  
  
Giles and Willow can feel his emotions swirling around him, and they can almost see the flames of Xander's rage lapping at his sides and can feel the hollowness inside of him. Xander stiffly walks toward the double doors and snaps out his right fist connecting with the oak causing it to swing open violently allowing his to pass before swinging back again.  
  
The act of violence causes Willow and Giles to jump in surprise not expecting such an action from Xander. Willow approaches the varnished door and runs her hand over the area where her friend's fist connected feeling the dent left behind. Giles can only shake his head and return to his book hoping to find an answer but not really remembering the question.  
  
Xander stiffly walks down the halls of Sunnydale High School without paying attention to where he is going. He is blinded by the fires of his own fury, and it is taking all of his will power to keep it from consuming him. He can feel every muscle clenched tightly his legs are corded into bands of steel as he continues his journey through the halls.  
  
Xander walks outside of the school and looks around as he feels a gentle wind sweep across his gently cooling his fevered face. His eyes spot a large tree standing outside of the school, and he begins to walk toward it.  
  
Xander reaches the tree and collapses to his knees before it. The young man sets his back against the tree and sits down in the lotus position. Xander feels his anger and his pain inside of him both seeking to control him. He can feel the flames of his rage trying to burn away his compassion and conscience while his pain is threatening to swallow his heart.  
  
Xander closes his eyes and begins to breathe in and out slowly before turning his thoughts toward his senses. He listens to the wind gently rustle the leaves above his head, smells the aromas of the night air carried on the wind, and feels the rough bark against his back. Xander embraces the peaceful complexities of nature calming his mind and allowing him to find his lost focus.  
  
Xander turns his consciousness inward to find the peace within himself to match the peace without. Xander can feel the pain in his heart contained within bringing with it a numbness to his heart that is more painful then any cut or bruise.  
  
Xander slowly opens up the barriers surrounding the whole in his heart allowing the pain to wash out like a river breaking free from a damn. Xander accepts the pain letting it flow through his body sweeping away his other pains and weaknesses in the rushing rapids before he begins to push it all toward his center again. Xander forces the pain to flow toward the flames of his rage letting the two forces fight against each other the flames burning away the hollow pain and the pain smothering the flames of his rage.  
  
The two forces swirl and collide until Xander's rage finally burns away all of his pain not leaving any of it behind, but the flames are now much smaller and Xander exerts his will upon it easily shaping the flames and focusing the fire. The flames converge to create a column of fire that fuels and warms the young man's body.  
  
Xander lets out another breath and pushes out all of his residual weakness feeling the peace inside of him and reveling in it. Xander is snapped out of his meditation when a scream pierces the calm night comes form inside the school filling his heart with dread.  
  
Xander explodes into movement leaping to his feet and sprinting toward the school moving as fast as his legs can carry him. The hallway is a blur the brightly colored posters nothing more but short streaks on the white walls. Xander turns a corner putting the large library doors in sight. Another scream comes from behind the doors, but Xander does not hear it over the pounding of his pulse in his ears.  
  
With a few feet away from his goal Xander reaches for his daggers bringing them out of their harnesses and then lowers his shoulder to brace for the impact as he bursts through doors.  
  
All eyes turn toward the doors and Xander once he is inside, and he finds a scene straight from a nightmare. Giles is standing with his back against a wall surrounded by nine vampires holding them at bay with only a small cross. Willow is unconscious draped over the shoulder of another vampire who looks to be making a getaway with his prone prize. Xander's eyes burn with rage and his mouth curls into a snarl as his anger reaches new heights as he sees the horrible monster putting his evil claws on his friend.  
  
Xander takes in the situation quickly while everyone is stilled stunned by his sudden appearance. Giles sees the young man and shouts for him to run and save himself but a violent backhand silences him. Giles is knocked off his feet and the cross is sent flying across the room.  
  
Xander sees the watcher fall, and he does not listen to his warning. His left-hand snaps forward throwing his dagger toward the vampire holding Willow. The blade sinks into the vampire's thigh causing him to scream and grab at the dagger dropping willow to the ground.  
  
Xander charges the group of vampires throwing his other dagger into a vampire's throat and picking up a chair without missing a step. Xander swings the chair connecting solidly with the chin of the closest vampire. The chair shatters into several pieces, and drops to his knees snapping his right leg breaking the kneecap of a vampire dropping him to the ground.  
  
Xander grabs two stakes created from the broken chair planting his fists on the floor allowing him to sweep out the legs from under a vampire to his left. Xander rolls onto the prone form of the fallen vampire leaving behind a stake sticking out of the vampire's chest piercing his heart.  
  
Xander comes out of his roll in front of the vampire with his dagger still stuck in his throat. Xander grabs the hilt of the dagger removing it while depositing his other stake into the vampire's heart.  
  
Xander sees a vampire charging him from his left hoping to catch the young warrior on the ground and at a disadvantage. The vampire only swings through empty air as Xander throws his feet over his head performing a compact back handspring and lands on his feet in front of the off balance vampire. Xander Kicks his foot into the air and brings it back down on the back of the vampire driving his dead into the hard wood floor.  
  
Xander takes another look around and sees the vampire that was holding Willow has removed the dagger and has grabbed his friend again and that another vampire has grabbed Giles as well. The remaining six uninjured vampires are flanking the two burdened vampires. Xander bends down and grabs two more pieces of the broken chair with his left hand as he throws his retrieved dagger with his right sending it into the other thigh of the vampire holding Willow.  
  
He quickly stakes the vampire lying down at his feet and charges the group of vampires unleashing his rage letting it give him strength. Xander steps on the vampire with the broken kneecap, who has collapsed onto the ground trying to realign his crooked leg, and uses him as a launch point surprising the group of vampires.  
  
Xander takes flight swinging his leg out to connect with the face of a vampire blocking his path to his friends. The vampire is knocked sideways colliding with one of his comrades allowing Xander focus his attacks on one side of his flank.  
  
Xander strikes with his left stake in an underhand attack dusting another impediment to his goal. Xander pivots on his right foot sending his left out in a wide arc to connect with another fanged jaw. Is about to follow up with a stake when his knees are taken out by a chop block from the two vampires he had knocked away before.  
  
Xander's stake goes wide and drives through the monster's shoulder as the young warrior is sent crashing to the earth. The air rushes out of Xander's lungs with a grunt as his chest collides with the wooden floor, and Xander can hear the laughter coming from the two vampires that took him down.  
  
The vampire holding the unconscious Willow passes her to another vampire and picks up the two daggers that had previously resided inside of his thigh muscles. He points to the vampire still clutching his broken knee and says to his remaining brethren, "dust him and take the humans to the anointed one for the ceremony. I will catch up to you guys after I take my revenge upon this little bastard."  
  
The wounded vampire moves to his feet quickly in surprise but falls back to the floor as his leg gives out underneath him. The vampire slides away from his brethren begging for mercy, but one of the four vampires picks up a stake and plunges it into the heart of their companion silencing his pleas. The four vampires leave carrying Willow and Giles. Xander gasps for air trying to regain his lost breath when two black leather boots enter his field of vision and he hears the metallic song of his two daggers being slid across one another.  
  
"Well," says the vampire licking his lips in anticipation, "I guess you should be happy. These two toys you've left me will be put to good use spilling more blood than you can imagine. I think I'll start with yours."  
  
The leach bring the twin daggers up ready to drive them into the back of the young warrior when Xander raises up at the waist and lets out a desperate cry. He drives his remaining stake into the vampire's boot breaking through the tough leather to pierce the vampire's foot snapping the tiny bones under the powerful blow. Xander then grabs the vampire art the ankle and heaves dropping the vampire onto the floor.  
  
Xander and the vampire snap to their feet at the same time and fall into their fighting stances. Xander takes up a defensive stance his eye traveling from his own twin daggers held in his enemy's grip down to his stake lying on the floor. The vampire holds the daggers in front of him in a purely offensive stance.  
  
Xander's rage is gone replaced by the dread of desperation; he tries to move past the vampire to rescue his friend, but his every move is met by the flash of a dagger. Xander can feel the time slipping away and launches an attack hoping to bring the vampire down quickly.  
  
He leads with a right hook, but he quickly stops the punch and ducks under the dagger he knew would be coming. He tries to follow up with an uppercut, but the vampire has pulled away letting the uppercut fly short of its mark. The next two dagger attacks cut through the air and narrowly miss cutting through Xander as well. Xander counters with a kick to the demon's chest driving him back a few steps.  
  
With his newfound space Xander stoops down to pick up his fallen stake. Xander takes up his fighting stance again and tries to find the strength to match the speed of his opponent.  
  
Xander thinks of his best friend and pictures what the demons will do to her. This time instead of despair Xander uses the mental imagery to feed his rage fanning the flames of his hatred for the beast standing before him.  
  
Xander finds his second wind and charges the demon again leading with the stake. Xander falls forward into a roll passing under the expected dagger strike. Xander pivots in a crouch sending his leg out to sweep away his opponent's footing, but the vampire proved to have better reflexes than expected and jumped over Xander's foot.  
  
Xander quickly stops his momentum and pushes his off with his feet sideways planting his hands and cartwheeling to the right kicking the vampire in the face in the process.  
  
Xander turns to face his adversary quickly and launches himself toward him again, but the vampire turns as well and stabs at Xander stomach. Xander sees the attack but knows that he can not stop himself in time so instead he contorts his body and drives the dagger into his side.  
  
The vampire smiles brightly opening his mouth to reveal two rows of knifelike teeth. The vampire drops his other dagger and brings his hand up to pull Xander's head to the side exposing his vulnerable neck. When the vampire brings his mouth down to sink his teeth into his prey he feels Xander shift underneath his grip and drive his stake into his chest and into his dead heart.  
  
Xander falls to the ground as the vampire disperses into dust releasing his grip and taking away his support. Xander rolls over and clutches his hand to his side feeling his warm blood pouring from his wound and onto his hand.  
  
Xander grits his teeth and crawls across the floor toward a table. When he reaches it he slowly pulls himself up to a standing position leaning against the table for support Xander takes off his shirt and pulls off his undershirt hearing the sickening suction of his soaked shirt pull away from his bleeding wound.  
  
Xander bunches up his undershirt and pushes it against his wound putting pressure on the gash. Xander slowly moves to Giles office where he finds the first aid kit. Xander uses the kit to bandage his wound putting pressure on the wound to stem the flow of blood. Xander then puts away the kit and retrieves his shirt and daggers, which he cleans on his undershirt before throwing it away in the trash. Xander puts on his shirt and is about to walk out the door in pursuit when he realizes that he has no idea where they have taken Willow or Giles.  
  
Xander walks over to the table full of books and finds Giles books. Next to the books is a note pad with several phrases written on it. "Looks like Giles was translating something," says Xander to himself as he looks over the notes. Xander reads through it trying to find out some sort of clue when he finally figures it out and shouts, "Not closest! Nearest! They want the people who were with him when he died."  
  
Xander reads some more but can not find out where the ceremony will be. Xander feels the despair again, but his rage consumes it as he again sees Willow in his head no longer full of life staring at him with cold dead eyes.  
  
Xander lashes out pushing over the table and knocking over chairs and books. When his rage plays itself out Xander collapses against the table and holds his head with his hand not sure what do and feeling the despair return again.  
  
Xander hears the library doors open from his seat behind the over-turned table. Xander holds himself still straining his senses to discern the identity of the intruder. Xander hears the lights click of boots on the hard wood floor and more importantly hears the steady breathing of the intruder.  
  
Xander takes heart knowing that his possible adversary was not a vampire or other demon and stands up cautiously with his right hand in his pocket fingering the pommel of his dagger prepared just in case the new player is on the other team.  
  
Xander's hand relaxes when he sees Buffy standing in front of him in shock as she takes in the carnage, more than half of which Xander did himself after the fight. Xander clears his throat quietly to get Buffy's attention. The young girl snaps around startled by the gentle noise. Buffy's face washes with relief at the appearance of her friend; the earlier fight forgotten the memory overridden by her relief.  
  
"Xander," exclaims Buffy rushing over to him, "What happened here. Where is Willow and Giles?"  
  
Xander looks away from Buffy, before he answers, "they were taken by the anointed one's minions to complete the ceremony."  
  
Xander is angry and disappointed in himself knowing that he could have saved his friends if he had only been a few seconds faster. Buffy misunderstands his action thinking that he is angry with her for not being there during the attack.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry I ran off, but I'm going to set this right and that means getting my friends back."  
  
Xander turns and looks at the Slayer asking with his eyes the question that comes from his lips, "how?"  
  
Buffy smiles dangerously; her eyes lit by an inner flame. "Come with me," she says walking over to the library door, "you be good cop and I'll be bad cop."  
  
Buffy turns back around her and begins to run through the halls her golden tresses trailing behind her beckoning for Xander to follow. Xander can only shake his head let out a sigh and follow.  
  
* * *  
  
Outside the Bad Guy's Warehouse  
  
The commercial section of Sunnydale exists in two different worlds in the light of day the place is full of the hustle and bustle of commerce. The town's closeness to Los Angeles and its low property taxes makes the town a perfect place for large companies to keep their nonperishable goods in storage until they are needed elsewhere or a perfect location for a factory to cut down on transportation costs. However when night falls the bustling land of capitalism changes as the supposed abandoned factories come alive with death when the creatures of the night awaken to hunt those foolish enough to be outside past daylight.  
  
Angel, Buffy, and Xander enter the world of darkness without fear as they search for the warehouse described by the decoy vampire left at the Bronze. Xander thinks about the events in the Bronze while his two companions search ahead of him.  
  
* * *  
  
Flashback  
  
Xander and Angel watch Buffy question the vampire with a morbid fascination as Buffy interrogates her. Their attention held firm as Buffy uses her cross to make the information extraction as painful as possible.  
  
Angel is the first to look away as the demon inside of him causes his revulsion upon witnessing the torture of one of his own kind. Xander had a hard time watching as well, but his reaction is brought on by Buffy herself and watching her handle the vampire with such malice.  
  
Angel tries to keep his mind off of the sights and sounds of the torture and turns his mind to other thoughts when a strange smell enters his perception. Angel flares his nostrils and takes in a long drag of air savoring the smells with his mind trying to find the smell's source.  
  
Angel turns to Xander suddenly and reaches a hand out to the young man prodding the wound hidden under the bandage and the folds of his large shirt. Xander pulls in a hissing breath to keep his mouth closed trying to not cry out in surprise and pain. Xander places his hand over the dagger wound in defense as he turns his body away from Angel's probing hand.  
  
Xander fixes the vampire with an angry stare and looks over to Buffy to make sure she was still immersed in her own activities before whispering to the vampire angrily. "Hey watch it Deadboy. Two hundred years and you haven't learned the concept of persona; space? And my parents think I'm stupid."  
  
Angel matches the young man's look with one of his own. "Why didn't you tell us that you are hurt," asks Angel, his voice clearly stating his annoyance with the young man standing in front of him. "I can smell your blood, and I'm guessing from the strength that it is pretty bad. You should tell Buffy."  
  
Xander begins to shake his head before Angel can finish his thought. "I can't tell Buffy. Don't you see? She needs this to make herself feel in control. She doesn't need me making her feel guilty. As far as she knows nobody has been hurt because of her, and I aim to keep it that way."  
  
Buffy finishes her questioning by staking the weakened vampire and walks over to the two men to tell them where their friends are being held. As they walk away Xander mouthed to Angel behind Buffy's back, "not a word."  
  
* * *  
  
Xander is brought back to the present by Angel announcing that he has found the place. Xander and Angel follow Buffy inside the doors moving as quietly as possible to sneak into the compound unnoticed.  
  
The three watch the beginning of the ceremony as the lead vampire begins to make a long-winded speech about their great fallen master waving a knife in the air for added effect.  
  
"We have to save them before they start the ceremony," says Angel looking to Buffy for a plan, "We need a distraction."  
  
Buffy pulls out a stake and the familiar fire dances in her eyes and she says, "right, leave that to me."  
  
"What are you going to do," asks Xander, who more than slightly happy to see the spark returned to his friend's eyes.  
  
Buffy only smiles and responds, "I'm going to kill them. That ought to distract them."  
  
With that Buffy begins to creep over the vampires careful to not make a sound. Xander leans over to Angel and whispers to him, "when Buffy starts you get the others to safety. I'm counting on you."  
  
With that Xander also begins to creep away, but Angel grabs his arm stopping him. "What are you doing," he asks in a hoarse whisper, "your hurt and they'll kill you."  
  
Xander only smiles and shrugs of the hand saying, "I'm not trying to kill them. Trust me I have a plan."  
  
With that Xander is off again circumventing the ceremony and sneaking through the only other exit from the large storeroom. Xander finds himself in a smaller room that leads to the outside. Large boxes cover the floor and give Xander ample cover when he takes up position behind one.  
  
Xander quietly breaks a stake off of the box he is hiding behind and waits for the beginning of the fight. Xander does not have to wait long to hear the distinct sound of a vampire turning into dust. Xander looks at his watch and prepares himself to act. As if on cue the lead vampire rushes through the doorway herding the anointed one to safety. Xander waits for them to pass by his hiding spot before he reveals himself by driving his makeshift stake through the vampire's heart.  
  
Xander lets go of his stake upon contact with the leach's heart leaving it to fall to the earth amidst the shower of fine dust. When the anointed one turns around he sees Xander already holding his dagger and ready to end the supernatural child's life.  
  
The small demon backs away holding his hands up in front of him in a pitiful defense. Xander takes in a few short breaths to steady himself trying not to picture the innocent face and only think about the evil underneath. Like a lightning strike Xander's left and right hand snap out in succession. The anointed one has to time to react and can only witness the after math of the strikes when he sees two dagger hilts sticking out of his chest.  
  
The miniscule demon falls to the dusty cement floor disturbing the thin layer of dirt before his body disintegrates into a fine dust leaving behind two steel and silver daggers sitting in the ashes.  
  
Xander retrieves his daggers and returns them once again to their harnesses before walking back to join his friends in the main storeroom. Xander watches Buffy finish off the last one with ease, and quickly moves to help Angel free his captured friends.  
  
After everyone is conscious and strong enough to stand the group surrounds the skeletal remains of the master. Xander reaches down and hefts a large sledgehammer testing its wait in his hands. He turns to Buffy and offers it to her saying, "I think it's time we ended this nightmare. Finish it."  
  
Buffy takes the sledgehammer and begins to pound the bones of the master into pieces and does not stop until the table is cleared of all remains. Angel stands behind Buffy waiting patiently for her to finish and is ready to catch her when she drops the hammer and turns into his embrace.  
  
Xander watches for a few excruciating seconds before he looks away and begins to walk away lending support to Willow and Cordelia after their traumatic experience. Giles and Jenny lean on each other, both thankful that the other survived the ordeal in one piece.  
  
Buffy pulls out of Angel's embrace but not his touch as they too walk outside Angel's arm draped over Buffy's shoulder. "Hey," calls out Buffy getting the attention of the people ahead of her. "What about the Anointed One and his little babysitter? They ran off when the fight started."  
  
Xander grins slightly and calls back to her, "I saw the way they high- tailed it out of here. I don't think we'll be seeing them any more; I bet they left town."  
  
"Yeah," supplied Willow, "they probably moved on to someplace safer shaking off the dust from their feet. You know like Jesus told his apostles to do when they traveled, and you know because they turn to dust when they die."  
  
On the outside Xander only smiled like everyone else at Willow's attempt at humor and the subsequent awkward explanation, but on the inside he was rolling around on the ground laughing.  
  
End of Chapter 7 


	4. Chapter 8a

1 Warrior of the Heart  
  
2  
  
3 Author: JimboS  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all.  
  
Summary: Xander finally finds out that he is good at something. Takes Place after season one after that anything goes.  
  
E-mail: RaistlinM1@aol.com  
  
Feedback: Hey why not. In fact let me change that to "please, please, please I beg you please." Even if you don't like it please tell me why I need to know if I'm going to try and fix it. Grade me. Evaluate me. Just tell me anything as long as it's honest. I can take it really you can even e-mail me if it make you more comfortable.  
  
Author's note 1: This is a shorter chapter than I normally put out, but I got into a flow and I was pretty proud of it. Of course half way through my flow I accidentally deleted part of it. I think I did a pretty good job of rewriting it, but I can tell that somethings got lost in the rewrite.  
  
Author's note 2: I had to skip quite a bit of time from one chapter to another because I wanted to get more plot involved and because writing a chapter for every episode is too much for me. I hope you like it.  
  
4 Enjoy!  
  
5 Chapter 8  
  
6  
  
7 The Journal of Xander Harris  
  
What makes humanity so special? Is it because we all are human? I guess that makes sense; human beings have the need to feel special, so we tell ourselves that we are the chosen ones of a greater power and proclaim ourselves lord and master over all that we survey. I don't believe a word of it. I find it hard to believe that the human race is special strictly based on the recommendation of humanity itself.  
  
What really puts man above anything else living upon the planet? I think humanity's real strength lies in its ability to risk death to achieve its goals and, in man's sheer stubbornness in the face of adversity.  
  
How does that place man above anything else? A mother bear will defend her cub against any predator regardless of size or numbers; how is that any different than what a human being will do? It is really quite simple in that a human being understands his own mortality and can look into the future, so a man knows what is at stake at all times. A soldier going into battle knows that a stray bullet could claim his life at any moment leaving his daughter without her father to walk her down the aisle, and he still marches into battle with that knowledge. If you wanted to be poetic I guess you could say that a man's fragility is what gives him his strength.  
  
What if it's true? What about the superheroes that children look up to as they read their comic books and watch television? Is Superman with all of his strength and power really a super-man? I don't think so. When you give up your human frailties you give up a portion of your humanity as well.  
  
So what does that make me? Do my abilities make me sub-human or do they make me super-human? I face the night just like any normal man knowing that I'm gambling with my life just waiting for the house to finally win the big hand. But I also face the creatures of the night with more power than a normal person my odds are not as overwhelming. Yet if feeling fear and emotions and facing them is the true source of power maybe I really am super human.  
  
I guess I think about this because I always ask myself the same question when I look at myself in the mirror, "Do I still have my humanity?" I don't know why the question bothers me, but I still lie awake at night wondering what I have become. Am I a hero or a monster? Has my humanity been sacrificed on an altar of power?  
  
Sometimes I get scared that I will lose everything in my quest to have it all. Can I really live two lives without destroying both of them? Will I lose my friends when they learn that I've lied or will I lose my life when I'm not quick enough or not smart enough?  
  
It is when all of the questions surround me washing over me like a tsunami that I remember why I made the choice. I remember the faces of the people that I save, and I watch the lives of my friends as they pass through time. I watch these people receive the gift of life and I ask myself the one question that calms my heart and comforts my soul, "Does it really matter?"  
  
Xander Harris  
  
* * *  
  
It has been close to three months since the encounter with the anointed one and it is once again a sunny day in the dale as Xander Harris walks toward Sunnydale High School to begin another day inside the confines of the California educational system. The thin cloud cover speckles the young man's path with shadows offering a brief respite from the heat of the sun.  
  
Xander does not notice the changes in scenery as he passes from shadow to shadow on his way to school. Instead his head is firmly pointed downward shutting out the world as he looks at his life and wonders at the events that have turned his already askew life all the way upside down.  
  
First a new master vampire named Spiked rolled onto the scene filling the power vacuum left behind by the death of the anointed one. At first everyone thought that the vampire would not be much more of a threat compare to the Master himself, but in reality Spike has increased the amount of vampire activity drawing in strong non-fledglings from across California making the young man's patrols more dangerous.  
  
Secondly after a strange Halloween night in which everyone became the thing they dressed up as Xander, who dressed up as a soldier in the United States military, received a large mental archive of military knowledge including weaponry and tactics. It took some meditation, but Xander was finally able to bring the vast amount of knowledge out from his subconscious allowing him to draw from it on patrol.  
  
And if having an entire lifetime of memories suddenly dumped into his brain was not enough to deal with on top of school, training, and patrol his life became more convoluted than ever as his best friend in the world is now being pursued by a senior musician named Oz. Which would have been fine if Willow would only accept and be happy, but she has only seemed mildly interested as she still holds on to her crush for him. On top of that Cordelia Chase, who is the charter member of the 'Xander Harris is a loser club', has joined the gang making his life less than pleasant.  
  
With the last problem taking center stage in Xander's mind the young man decides that Buffy's birthday party tomorrow is the perfect excuse for Xander to get Willow to go out with Oz. The young man suddenly stops dead in his tracks as he enters a larger than normal shadow and looks up to find the clean edifice of knowledge also known as Sunnydale High blocking the warming rays of sunshine and realizes that he has no idea how he is going to tell his best friend that it is okay to move on.  
  
As luck would have it Xander spots Buffy making her way toward the library, and she does not look entirely calm. Xander quick times it after Buffy hoping to catch up with her before she reaches the library and he loses his chance to talk with her until she finishes her slayer watcher time.  
  
"Hey Buff," says Xander as he falls into step beside her, "do you got a minute or are you we having apocalypse time?"  
  
Buffy smiles half-heartedly before she responds, "No, no end of the world right now, just a little wigged about a strange dream I had."  
  
Xander nods his head seriously, but his smile remains firmly in place, "are we talking walking into class in your underwear strange? Or prophetic something big is about to happen strange?"  
  
Buffy lets out a frustrated sigh, "I don't know; I mean there was plenty of underwear type strangeness, but some of it felt so real, and Drusilla was in it alive and staking, well sort of alive."  
  
"Well I think you should get along with the watcher time," Xander says making a shooing motion with his hands.  
  
Buffy smiles her thanks and heads off toward the library leaving Xander behind alone once again with his thoughts. Okay Xander think hard on this. Willow is probably around here I could go and talk to her right now and get this over with. In fact I should do it right now. Okay I'm doing it now. Why aren't my feet moving?  
  
Xander just stood there not moving until he felt a hand touch his shoulder and a familiar voice say, "hey Xand, what." Willow never got to finish her thought because with the sudden contact from the object of his thoughts the young man leapt into the air spinning around to face his friends with a wild look in his eyes speaking of his need for flight instead of fight.  
  
"Xander what's wrong," asks the red head concerned by her friend's behavior.  
  
"Wrong," croaks Xander still disoriented at seeing his friend. "Nothing's wrong Wills. You just gave me a mild heart attack, and for future reference sneaking up on people isn't such a good idea when you live on a hellmouth."  
  
"Oh, yeah, sorry I sort of forgot," responded the red head, who had the decency to not smile too big at her friend's reaction. "You just looked like you were thinking really hard and I was wondering what you were thinking about."  
  
Xander couldn't help thinking to himself, Okay Xandman that was probably the best lead in you are going to get, so I think now would be an opportune time to tell the truth.  
  
"Oh, I was thinking about Buffy's surprise party. I was wondering if you were taking a date," says Xander hoping that Willow does not get the wrong idea about the question.  
  
But luck is not with Xander at the moment, as Willow's eyes grow wide in anticipation and she can only shake her head in response. Oh great Xander, you had to say the wrong thing. Xander tries to correct his mistake, but he can not come up with the right words, and he begins to feel like a fool causing him to realize where he is. Suddenly the quiet halls of Sunnydale High are too open and public for Xander's taste and he can feel the eyes of a thousand students fixed on to the back of his neck.  
  
Xander takes a look around and checks his watch. "Willow we have some time before classes start do you want to get out of the hall," asks the young man pointedly, "because I think the rest of this talk may require some place more private."  
  
Willow looks around as well trying to find a suitable place while trying to figure out why Xander is acting so strange. After a quick look around Willow's eyes fall upon a darkened classroom, "sure I think that Mrs. White's classroom is open until second period. We can go in there."  
  
Xander pulls his friend into the darkened room flipping on the light switch causing the florescent bulbs to begin their soft hum as they bath the room in their artificial white light. Xander closes the door and leads his friend over to the teacher's desk where he takes a seat upon the polished wooden surface letting out a sigh of relief feeling alone and secluded once again away from the imagined prying eyes.  
  
Xander's feeling of security is short lived when he feels Willow sit down next to him and grab his left hand in the two of hers. The gesture, which was meant to comfort her distraught friend only serves to shatter his calm once again, as Xander finds that not only is he not alone but also reminds him as to why he sought privacy in the first place.  
  
"Xander what's wrong," asks Willow, whose head plunges downward, as she is suddenly unsure of the topic of discussion. "What do you need to tell me? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Of course you dragged me into a deserted room away from everyone else, so I'm guessing that it isn't entirely good, but I'm not sure if you did that to save yourself from embarrassment or me, which means that somebody is going to get embarrassed."  
  
Willow's rambles are well known to her friends. The young girl achieves a state of consciousness in which her words pass through her mouth in a direct flow in which all other thoughts given to the coherence or order of the words. Normally it is brought upon by great stress and is almost impossible to stop when in mid-flow, but when Willow pauses to breathe she looks up and is stunned into silence.  
  
Xander has a knowing smile spread across his face as he enjoys the familiar ramblings of his best friend, but it is his eyes not his mouth that cause the red head's speechlessness. It is said that the eyes are windows to the soul and Xander's eyes no exception as the chocolate orbs are near bursting trying hold all of the conflicting emotion held within.  
  
His eyes seem to twinkle with an inner light as the babble reminds the young man of all of the times he had heard the sounds that are decidedly Willow. Every time the young girl lectured him when he did something stupid, every time he listened to her try and lie to him only to be exposed by the uncontainable flow of words that poured forth, and every time he watched her confront something that she was scared of.  
  
All of this filled Xander with an all-encompassing joy that could only deepen the sadness as he sees how wonderful of a person the young girl before him really is and how badly he is going to hurt her when he tells her to be wonderful for someone else. Xander can make no predictions about them still being friends deep down he knows that he will probably never be s close to his friend any more, but he can not go one slowly breaking her heart just so that he can keep his friend.  
  
The combination of emotions is truly disarming as the unshed tears pooling before his eyes distorts the light of happiness that dances across the cold hardness achieved from the knowledge that the young man is finally going to face the inevitable. Willow is still speechless, but her eyes scream for the answer to what has made the person before her look so different than the boy she has known and yet look more real than she can ever recall.  
  
Willow's body language begs for the answer, but a small voice inside of her head call for her to run, to run as far away as possible and pretend that none of this has happened. The voice tells her that this will not end well, but neither Xander nor she can run away, she is trapped until the end, the bomb has been armed, and the explosion is inevitable. There are no wires to cut and no codes to enter there is no escape, and the two can do nothing but wait and hope that they both survive.  
  
"I guess I should start by apologizing for being an idiot," says Xander who abandons his perch on the desk to pace before the red head. "Wait I guess I should start by saying that I know that you have liked me for a while now. And now I can apologize to you for being too stupid to see it sooner and for being too scared to tell you sooner. I was too scared that if I told you, you would never want to see me again and I would lose the best thing that ever happened to me. But I can't be who you need me to be. I can't be the type of person you deserve. That's why I think that you should give Oz a chance. I think that he can be who you need him to be."  
  
Xander finally finishes and takes in a steadying breath. He is too afraid to look at his friend afraid to see the hurt he has caused in her eyes, but he can not stop himself from looking. After a few more beats of his heart to make sure that it had not stopped he finally is able to look at his friend.  
  
Through out the speech Willow had not taken her eyes off of the young man as her heart began to split in two, but it wasn't until she saw the look in the young man's eyes that her heart truly broke in half. When Xander turned around the look of defeat in his eyes and the slump of his shoulder was just too much for Willow to bear.  
  
Xander almost flinched when he saw his friend's eyes begin to water, but his surprise was complete when Willow flung herself toward him and wrapped her arms around him tightly burying her face into his chest. The soft cotton shirt rubbed against her cheek drying her eyes and offering a quiet comfort, and Willow realized in that moment that she had long since gotten over her crush she just never realized it. The idea of having someone to love and someone to be with was just too alluring to let go, so she held on to her infatuation because having a prospective love was better than having no love at all.  
  
"This isn't how I expected you to react at all," Xander says with a small chuckle still not sure what just happened. "I sort of anticipated the crying, but the rest of this is completely foreign to me. Not that I'm complaining, but shouldn't you be scratching my eyes out or throwing darts at a picture of me in effigy?"  
  
Willow could not help laughing letting the cotton shirt absorb the joy along with her sadness until the laughter overpowered the tears. Willow is finally able to let go of her crush leaving her soul lighter and her love for her friend even stronger. Willow pulls away from the embrace keeping her hands on Xander's arms and looks into his eyes seeing a mix of amusement and confusion.  
  
"I want you to know that I still love you," Willow hurries onward seeing the fear cross her friend's face. "In fact I think I may love you even more now, but I don't think I've been in love with you for a while. I want you to know that I will always be your friend no matter what happens, and that you don't have to become someone else to earn someone's love you are the greatest guy I know just the way you are."  
  
The look of fear that crossed Xander's is replaced entirely by happiness, and once again Willow is struck by the genuineness of her friend's face. She begins to wonder what Xander has been hiding behind his many masks, but her thoughts are interrupted by Xander, who pulls her into a fierce hug letting his happiness flow from him not caring about control only caring about feeling as his joy surrounds the two like a cocoon.  
  
The first bell rings signaling the beginning of classes, but the moment will not be broken, as neither one moves to leave and go to class. The moment is too sweet to let go. The world can begin again later with its prophecies and parties; right now the only thing that matters is the moment, their friendship, and their happiness.  
  
End of Chapter 8 


	5. Chapter 8b

Warrior of the Heart  
  
Author: JimboS  
  
E-mail: [1]RaistlinM1@aol.com  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the characters portrayed in this story they are the property of people much richer than I am.  
  
Dedication: To MJ. You are one of the coolest people I know. Thank you so much for your support.  
  
Author's note: I decided to make this chapter 8b for two reasons. One, this way I don't have to write a journal entry, and I posted the previous chapter quickly because I wanted to get people's reactions to the part. I didn't get much reaction which can be taken in many ways (most of them negative).  
  
Author's note(the return): I would like to thank everyone who has given me feed back on this. I am not good at keeping stuff so I don't have everyone who has said something. I'm sorry about this, but I will give you a resounding: `you guys rock!'  
  
Chapter 8b  
  
If a casual observer were to look at a certain abandoned warehouse in the industrial section of Sunnydale they would probably have said that the building had not been lived in by anyone for a long time, but they would only be half-right. For while the building actually has been inhabited for some time to call any of the current occupants alive would be a grave mistake.  
  
The inside of the building was adorned with red roses and ribbons, which stood out in stark contrast with the desolate interior. The building's main room could only be described as Spartan at best, and was dominated by a long decorative wooden table surrounded by matching chairs, three large wooden boxes laid upon the decorated table along with several other wrapped presents.  
  
Drusilla gently glides across the room with no rhyme or reason like she is being carried on a swirling wind sweeping through the great hall absorbing the strange mix of death and celebration. She wafts among the other vampires, who are moving about busily preparing for the up coming party, until she finally comes to a stop before the end of the table that holds the unassuming wooden boxes.  
  
Spike sitting in a stolen hospital wheel chair quietly rolls up behind the deranged vampire watching from a distance not wanting to intrude upon her silent musing. Spike has not known how to act around Drusilla after the events in the church during the restoration spell. The spell was designed to sacrifice Angel's strength in return for Drusilla's recovery, but it had only been partially successful giving Drusilla her strength back, but the spell was interrupted before its completion rejuvenating her body but leaving her mind to remain in its perpetual state of madness.  
  
It is good having Drusilla strong again, but her recovery had come at a high price. Spike was badly injured in the fight that followed as the slayer fought to save her love's life. Spike was left help less and lifeless from the waist down, and he is now confined to his wheel chair and at the mercy of the strong yet unpredictable Drusilla.  
  
Drusilla remains unaffected by the new presence at her back as she runs her hands through the air above the wooden boxes feeling an intangible presence pressing against her delicate fingertips. Spike told her they were to be a surprise, but the evil emanating from the containers is too tempting to leave alone. She has felt much evil in her time but the contents of the box call to her so strong making the voices in her head sing.  
  
Spike's lackey Dalton approaches the two carrying another wooden box. The scholarly vampire clears his throat softly not sure if drawing the crippled vampire's attention is a wise action. Dalton waits for a few imagined beats of his dead heart before clearing his throat more forcefully.  
  
"What do you want," asks Spike not deeming the vampire worth the effort to actually turn his chair around to look at him.  
  
"Another package arrived for you," says Dalton with a slight quiver in his voice. Dalton unconsciously tenses his body preparing for the worst not sure if Spike is in a good mood or a bad mood.  
  
Dalton breaths a sigh of relief when Spike only waves his hand dismissively and says, "put it on the table with the other presents."  
  
Spike watches as Dalton approaches the table and could not help a smile when he saw his Dru's face light up with delight at the arrival of another present. Spike sends his chair rolling toward the newly arrived present with quick smooth motions of his arms, but the strangeness of his mobility brings forth the question that has been on his mind ever since his accident.  
  
"Are you dead set on this pet," asks Spike, "we could go celebrate in style, maybe Vienna?"  
  
Drusilla draws her lips together in a pout and her eyes grow larger and soft pleadingly as she responds, "but Spike the invitations are sent."  
  
"I know sweet, but I think we should get out of here nothing ever goes off like it should," says Spike in a soft tone as he continues to try and convince the deranged vampire. "It's just that Sunnydale's cursed for us what with the Slayer and Angel always interfering and that damn boy hunting us. Why don't you and me blow this place we can go someplace not so sunny."  
  
Drusilla crouches down in front of the chair and gently runs her fingers across Spike's face caressing the vampire softly before moving it down across his chest. "Now Spike," she said soothingly, "you know my gatherings are always perfect." Drusilla leaning forward to bring her mouth next to Spike's ear finishing her thought with a whisper, "I've got such fun games planned."  
  
Drusilla turns her head to lick at Spike's cheek earning her a smile from the crippled vampire. Spike knows that he can not say `no' to her and another week would not be too bad as long as Drusilla remains happy.  
  
"Can I open one," asks Drusilla motioning toward the boxes with her head. Her voice sounds so sweet and innocent, and Spike can not help but give in.  
  
"Just a peak love," says Spike grinning at her actions, "you know they're for the party."  
  
Drusilla face lights up with excitement as she turns back to the boxes once again reveling in the feeling of evil emanating from the boxes. The voices in her head once again begin to sing their song growing louder with each step taken toward to the plain wooden boxes. Her fingers caress the latch holding down the top of the wooden box before undoing the latch and opening the box to find the present inside.  
  
Inside the box lays a large disembodied leg dressed in leather and chain mail and exuding an aura of pure evil. The leg's flesh is a bright blue color giving the appendage the look of a clear noonday sky, and Drusilla smiles at the peaceful images of a life long lost that the leg conjures up in her mind's eye. The smile only grows bigger when the image is perverted by the vileness coming from the leg as dark clouds roll across her mind covering the clear sky blocking the sun and plunging the day into night.  
  
"This will be the best party ever," whispers Drusilla to herself, "it will have to be because it is going to be the last."  
  
* * *  
  
The night had been dead and not in an exciting staking undead monsters sort of way. Every hot spot where Xander normally found two or even three vampires was now deserted occupied only by the urban wild life of rats and stray dogs and cats.  
  
Xander walks along the alley way leading toward the Bronze whistling a happy tune with his hands shoved deep into his altered pockets absent mindedly touching the daggers strapped to his thighs while kicking the loose rocks strewn about the gravel pathway. With nothing better to do Xander can not help but try and figure out exactly how much his life has changed not only in the past few months but also just in the past few hours.  
  
The rest of the school day had been good for Xander. Willow and he had been able to talk for a while, but there was still a bit of tension between the two of them. It was just too much for them to handle all at once. Suddenly they went from undying love and devotion to finding out and then straight on to the decision to see other people without stopping. Even though the next few classes were awkward beyond reason they both knew that their friendship was strong enough to withstand the trial.  
  
Classes were more than slightly easy that day, in fact classes had not been a problem all year with his new found meditation techniques allowing him to organize his thoughts and memories better. In fact for the first time in years Xander has an A average for his classes.  
  
The day had gotten more than slightly strange when Cordelia asked him to be her date for Buffy's party. After much stammering and tripping over his tongue the young man finally agreed to accompany the beauty queen. Of course Xander got the feeling that Cordelia was hoping for more than just a friendly `I'm not going with anyone you're not going with any one lets go together' sort of date, but he decided to go anyway not wanting to hurt Cordelia's feelings.  
  
At lunch Xander watch Willow ask Oz to the party and he had to laugh when he saw his friend babble for a good ten minutes before coming to her point. Xander was more than surprised that Oz didn't interrupt her before finally saying yes. Instead he just sat there staring at her with a hint of a smile curling up the side of her face reveling in the sounds of Willow's voice.  
  
The day went so well that at the end of the day Xander decided not to tempt fate by staying out, so he rushed to his new house to get ready for the night's patrol. Of course the problem with rushing to be anywhere is that if you are not late you end up doing a lot of waiting, which is exactly what Xander did for a good two hours after school. Luckily Lee left Xander a TV when he left the house along with several other necessities.  
  
In fact Xander loved his house when he got it, but some how it didn't feel like home to him leaving the young man to travel from one house to another training in one and sleeping in another. It wasn't until Xander did one thing that truly made the house his in his mind.  
  
Xander took a shower. Now normal logic may bock at this leap but in Xander's mind it made perfect sense. If a person can get naked in a place and feel comfortable then that place is truly home, and since Xander had no choice but to shower after training or else stink all the way through school he decided to make the house his home.  
  
After that Xander slowly began to move his stuff into his new home setting up his room in the master bedroom. This also gave Xander the feeling of home since he made an almost perfect recreation of his room at the Harris household just on a slightly bigger and more spacious scale.  
  
The only difference was the new bed, which in Xander's humble opinion was the most amazing piece of furniture known to man or demon. In fact it was the bed that made Xander late starting on his patrol. He was only going to take a quick rest, but when he opened his eyes again he was already close to an hour late, so he grabbed his daggers and his patrol jacket and shot out the door to start his patrol.  
  
Xander shakes his head slightly dispelling the thoughts from his brain. He takes a look around the alley and leans against the brick wall of the alley. Xander turns the collar of his dirty dark green jacket up and burrows down into it closing his eyes and growing very still, and his breathing becomes slow and deep. Two teenagers walk down the alley and make a large circle around his calm form not wanting to wake up what appears to them to be a homeless man taking a nap in an alleyway. Xander smiles and chuckles slightly after they pass, for although he did not open his eyes he knew exactly who the two were and what they were feeling.  
  
Xander has learned more than a few useful techniques both mental and physical from the journals of past masters that have become indispensable in his patrols through Sunnydale. The two most helpful involve the two directions of his emotional projection ability, which surprised Xander to find out because he always figured that the ability was a one-way street.  
  
On the out going side of it Xander has learned how to control the projection to emit any chosen emotion regardless of how he feels. The only draw back is that it is not a refined tool and can not be limited to certain people in a crowd but aside from the everyday human mugger the projections of fear and helplessness bring in the evil creatures of the night like bees to honey.  
  
The more important skill is on the intake of emotions from the outside world. By clearing the mind and wiping clean his emotions Xander was able to experience the smaller waves of emotions emitted by all human and otherworldly beings. After practice Xander was able to pick out important emotions from people around him, and by combining it with his sense for self-preservation Xander has cultivated a `spider-sense' to rival Buffy's own ability.  
  
At the moment Xander is clearing his mind and heart to expand his area of influence trying to find any source of evil or emptiness, but all he can feel is the happiness and the sexuality practically bursting from the Bronze and the mob of teenagers within. Xander turns his attention to the hotbed of teenage hormones and begins a search inside looking for the taint of darkness in the bright light of happiness.  
  
Mentally Xander passes through the bronze passing through the throng on the dance floor they only appear as balls of energy and look like fireflies dancing in the night sky. The sheer amount of sexuality and lust emanating from the teenagers is unnerving and intoxicating at the same time. Xander stops short when he feels the faint tinge of evil coming from the bar. Xander's consciousness moves closer toward the bar trying to identify the evil and is only mildly surprised to find the unmistakable signs of two vampires sitting at the bar.  
  
The emotional footprint of a vampire is a strange thing. The energy given off by a vampire can only be described as hollow when it is compared to the full and complex emotions possessed by humanity. The perversion of the human vessel by the inhabiting demon is unmistakable to those who know how to look. The loss of the soul steals the facility for the being to produce emotions beyond the norm given off by most malevolent demons, but the memories of the vessel remain leaving a ghost of what once was behind. The thin veneer of humanity is only a shell to cover the empty darkness that pours from the possessing demon.  
  
Xander suddenly opens his eyes as his consciousness rushes back into his awaiting form. Xander pushes himself off of the alley wall and resumes his walk toward the Bronze. When Xander gets close to the entrance he snakes his arms out of his patrol jacket and folds it over his right arm shedding his patrol persona in favor of his normal clothes underneath.  
  
"No use trying to blend in if you look like a bum," he says quietly to himself as he passes through the doors to the bronze. "Boy am I glad I left the sword at home. I'm sure I would fit in really well with that strapped on my back."  
  
Xander begins to move through the crowd that surrounds him slowly making his way to the bar and the two figures dressed in black and leaning over the bar talking in hushed tones. Xander moves to sit next to the two, orders a soda, and strains to hear the two talk over the music and conversation buzzing around him while trying not to look like he is straining to hear.  
  
"You sure are lucky you aren't working for the psycho queen man," said the first vampire wearing a black leather jacket, which gave him a striking resemblance to Fonzie from `Happy Days'. "Today she had us decorating for a party. I'm talking flowers, streamers, and banners. I signed on for some death and destruction not for better homes and gardens."  
  
"Your right about that, but you still have Spike around and I bet he has something planned for this party to take care of the slayer," says the other vampire in hope of finding out the master vampire's new plan. As a free agent it pays to know what the other players are planning.  
  
"Of course he does," answers Fonzie, "But you and I both know the guy's track record for killing the slayer. I mean if the order of Turaka can't kill her how will the Judge? I mean all the guy has right now are a bunch of boxes that he calls the judge, and I don't see how he expects a bunch of dead demon parts to `judge' anybody."  
  
The other vampire's eyes bulge in their sockets and his eyebrows rush up his forehead in surprise. "Did you say the Judge," asks the vampire raising his voice in excitement.  
  
"Yeah the Judge," answers Fonzie looking around to see if his friend's outburst drew any unwanted attention. Xander quickly looks away and takes a drink of his soda to hide his face all the while concentrating on the conversation not wanting to miss a word.  
  
Fonzie doesn't see anyone watching and looks back at his friend, "at least that's what I heard Spike call the guy, Why do you know something about him?"  
  
"Do I know him," asks the other vampire in disbelief his voice once again rising in excitement, but he once again regains control bringing his voice back down. "This guy is like the demon Holy Grail. I mean we are talking the extermination of humanity here. If Spike can get all of the boxes together not only does the slayer not have a chance in hell all of humanity will be going there with her."  
  
Xander gasps into his glass of soda not liking the sound of this Judge guy one bit. His eyes dart from the conversing vampires to the Bronze's exit contemplating whether to stay and get more info or tell Giles as soon as possible, but a new choice presents itself to Xander as the vampire stands up and tells his friend. "If this is the real deal I've got to see it for myself, and you have got to take me there."  
  
Xander watches the two vampires stand up and start walking toward the exit. Xander waits for ten-seconds before paying for his drink and following the two into the dank alley outside the Bronze. Xander stops at the door and checks the alley for his two escaping targets while shrugging into his jacket.  
  
Xander watches the two vampires walk down the alley casually engaging in conversation as if they are going to go to a party and not to go behold something capable of destroying the human race. Xander follows the pair as quietly as possible waiting for the right time to strike. He reaches into one of the many pockets sown into the inside of his jacket and pulls out a stake and then slides it into his right jacket sleeve. Xander doubles his pace hoping to moke his move before they reach the street, but the vampires seem to have too big of a lead.  
  
With his window of opportunity slipping away Xander decides on gambling on loosing the element of surprise. "Hey buddy can you help me out," he calls trying to appear casual while carrying a stake in his right sleeve and with his left hand in his pocket fingering the pommel of his concealed dagger.  
  
The two vampires turn around not quiet sure what to think of the young man standing before them. The demons look at each other both asking the other the same question with their eyes, `who is this guy, normal people in Sunnydale know not to talk to dark strangers in gloomy alley.'  
  
Xander watches the exchange and realizes his mistake but continues to play his part in the hopes of an easy stake. Xander moves forward closing the gap between himself and his prey. "Yeah, I'm from out of town and I can't find the corner of Coltrain and Davis. Can you give me a hand?"  
  
The two vampires once again turn to look at each other but taking your eyes off of a predator is never smart if you wish to stay alive. With three quick strides Xander moves with striking distance of the first vampire while swinging his right arm forward causing the stake to slide down his sleeve and into his awaiting hand. The stake pushes through the vampire's chest tearing through the dead skin and muscle and crushing the ribs protecting the dead heart.  
  
His left-hand moves in a flash of silver lightning striking the other vampire in the face with the cross guard making his knees buckle and his eyes cross. Xander quickly steps to the side of the vampire he labeled as Fonzie grabbing him by the collar of his leather jacket and begins to shake the awareness back into the vampire.  
  
The clouds over Fonzie's eyes slowly dissipate, and he waists no time in transforming into his vampire face and emitting a growl. Xander's only response is to smile and sweep the demon's feet out from under him and using his grip on the vampire's leather jacket to drive his head down onto the hard gravel alley floor.  
  
Xander brings the blade of the dagger up against Fonzie's throat and watches the skin touching the blade begin to smoke and burn. "Hey Fonzie, I bet you're thinking right now `why is the dagger burning me?' that or `oh my God the pain, it burns, please have mercy on me.'" Xander takes the dagger away from the demon's neck but keeps the blade in plain site of the helpless vampire.  
  
"Well to answer one of your questions the dagger was blessed by a kind priest," says Xander twisting his wrist giving the vampire a good look at every facet of the deadly tool. "You see I had a little problem a while back with a kleptomaniac vampire who tried to kill me with my own dagger. Can you imagine that, I mean the nerve of some people? Of course a vampire isn't exactly a person, which makes me feel a little better about what I have to do."  
  
Fonzie watches the blade of the dagger flash briefly reflecting the light of the moon like the blade is winking at him before the dagger leaves his field of vision heading toward the vampire's neck. The searing pain of the blessed metal is excruciating as Xander uses the flat of the blade increasing the area of contact. The young man keeps the blade there for several seconds using his knee to keep the vampire down and his hand to muffle the screams of torture being ripped from the defenseless vampire.  
  
Xander takes the dagger away from the demon's neck and once again holds it in front of Fonzie's face before starting with his next line of questioning. "Okay Fonzie I want to know where Spike is at and I think we can all assume that I want you to tell me. Now I can take my time and slowly burn every inch of your body with divine fury. Or you can tell me and I can go about my merry way. It's your call."  
  
The vampire struggles under Xander's grip. But he can not gain any leverage from the ground and with Xander holding the knife so close. "Should I take your struggles as a no," asks the young man, "because if it is I think we can get down to business, just out of curiosity do you like your eyes?" Xander brings the tip of the dagger to within an inch of the vampire's right eye causing the vampire's eyes to bulge and his struggling to stop entirely.  
  
"Good, I think we are finally coming to an understanding Fonzie, aye."  
  
* * *  
  
Xander is walking around the outside of abandoned factory once used by the anointed one during his plot to revive the master looking it up and down with the practiced eye of a soldier not sure if he can trust the word of the vampire from the alley. Of course the vampire was so afraid of the burning dagger pressed against his dead flesh that he could not have been able to make up a lie. Xander almost felt bad about killing the demon afterwards; it is one thing to destroy a beast in the heat of battle but the systematic destruction of a helpless opponent leaves a bad taste in the young man's mouth.  
  
Xander stops at a side entrance and presses his ear against the door listening for a sign of life close by. Xander can not feel the presence of any vampires but it never hurts to be too careful especially when walking into a lair full of blood sucking demons.  
  
Xander tries to open the door and is not surprised to find the door locked. Xander kneels down in front of the door placing the lock at eye level and reaches inside one of the pockets of his coat to find his lock picking tools. "You know as much as I like this jacket I think a utility belt would be much more stylish," he muses to himself as he works his tools inside the lock trying to catch the tumbler.  
  
Xander's eyes squint and he bites his lower lip in concentration as he patiently works on the lock waiting for the metal to reveal its secrets and allow him entry. After several minutes tick by Xander's efforts are rewarded by the sound of the bolt sliding back into the door unbarring the way inside. With a steady hand Xander slowly pushes open the door trying to avoid the telltale squeak of the rusty hinges.  
  
Xander pushes the door open wide enough for him to slip through and finds himself in the room where he dealt death to the anointed one. The boxes cargo still remain offering Xander reassuring cover as he quietly sneaks toward the doorway ahead of him and the main room beyond.  
  
Xander reaches the doorway and presses his back against the adjacent wall beside the door crouching down before peeking over the side of the doorway. The decorating of the main room is almost finished and ribbon and flowers covers the walls and furniture concealing the evil that dwells underneath. Xander spots the table and the precious wooden boxes that the dearly departed Fonzie had described. Xander only counts four of the six boxes required to bring forth the Judge and breathes a sigh of relief that he is not too late.  
  
Xander counts five vampires moving about putting the final touches on the decorations. He hears them lamenting their situation left decorating for the party while the others are out hunting. Xander looks for any sign of Spike or Drusilla and comes up empty but does spot a closed door off the side and assumes that the two master vampires decided to stay in for the night.  
  
Xander pulls away from the door not wanting to push his luck and get spotted. "Okay Xander," says the young man to himself still leaning against the wall looking up at the ceiling as if the answers lay somewhere in the tile above. "You can either go run and tell the gang about this and risk the bad guys putting together the evil demon capable of destroying humanity, or you can come up with a borderline suicidal plan by entering a vampire layer and getting one of those boxes."  
  
Xander looks around the room and takes in the boxes surrounding him trying to figure out his best course of action. Xander continues to run the options through his head when he spots something in the corner that makes his eyes dance with mischief and danger and quietly moves across the room as quickly as possible saying to himself, "suicidal it is."  
  
Xander moves over to the far corner of the room and stops in front of a pile of gas cans once used to fuel the factory's machines but abandoned along with everything else inside the room. The cans are in several stages of emptiness, or fullness depending on your perspective, and covered by an old white tarp half soaked in fuel spilled from an overturned can. Xander quickly grabs the tarp and several of the fullest cans and retreats from the side room back outside.  
  
Xander makes several trips into the room grabbing more gas cans and a number of broken pieces of the crates from inside piling all of his booty outside the main door of the factory. Xander works fast once all of the materials are present placing the wood along the door of the factory before dousing it in gas along with the door and the walls before throwing the remaining containers in the pile as well. Xander also completely soaks the tarp cutting it into a few long thin strips and twisting them together to make a long thick piece of gasoline soaked cloth capable of holding more fuel then a single strip. Xander runs the saturated rope from the center of the pile of wood outward creating a crude fuse.  
  
When the crude firebomb is finally set Xander moves to the end of the fuse and inspects his work hoping it will work according to plan. Once he is satisfied his handiwork will do the trick Xander reaches into his jacket and comes away with a book of matches. Xander removes a matchstick and strikes the head creating the spark needed to produce the flame and with a smile touches off the fuse.  
  
Xander watches the flame practically leap to the soaked cloth igniting the gasoline in a flash, which causes the young man to pull back quickly to avoid the heat of the fire. The fire travels along the fuse quickly burning strong enough to convince Xander that the pyre will ignite strong enough to serve his purpose. With that Xander runs toward the side door to get ready for the next phase of the plan.  
  
Upon reaching the side room Xander slides along the wall quickly making his way to the doorway leading to the main hall and the prize within. Xander crouches with his back against the wall straining to hear what transpires in the hall behind him.  
  
Xander slowly draws his daggers from their sheaths reveling in the whisper of metal sliding across leather. He places the flat side of the daggers against his forehead letting the cool metal draw the heat from his skin while he draws from strength from the daggers in return. Feeling the hard unyielding metal against his skin gives him the reassurance that he is strong as steel and not alone.  
  
Xander counts to ten to himself before slipping into the room quickly ducking behind a large machine to the right of the doorway. Xander studies the rest of the room quickly looking for the fastest way to the table before all hell breaks loose in roughly one more minute. Xander looks for anymore cover but finds the room close to bare compared to the clutter in the room he just vacated.  
  
Xander mentally marks the room's demonic occupants hoping that they all are doing something extremely important and can't tear their gaze away from it. Xander takes a brief look skyward hoping that someone has decided to look out for him at least for the next few seconds before throwing himself into the open.  
  
With the first step away from the safety and cover offered by the decrepit machine Xander feels a strange sensation as his mind and body feed off of the rush provided by the mix of excitement and adrenaline coursing through his veins. It is if the first step takes him, not to a different world, but to a different state of the world where the laws of time and space bend and warp to his will.  
  
The distance to the table appears to shrink and the world around seems to slow while Xander moves the same. With a only few feet from the table Xander watches a female vampire on the cat walk to his right turn around slowly and spot him raising the alarm for all to hear.  
  
The sound of the shout snaps Xander back to reality, and he realizes just how fast he is travelling toward the wooden. He also realizes that there is no way he is going to be able to stop in time to avoid ramming into the solid wooden table. Thinking fast he spots a gap between chairs and leaves his feet sliding on his back under the table and through the crowd of legs underneath letting the friction with the floor slow him down.  
  
Before he can come to a complete stop Xander plants his feet letting his momentum carry his body forward to meet his planted legs while bringing his torso up to add upward momentum. His leg muscles bunch and cord with the sudden strain as his body slides up unto his legs bringing him up smoothly into a standing position.  
  
Xander turns around to face the table and the wooden boxes resting on it putting the trapped front door behind him. Xander spares a glance at the daggers still clutched in his hands and sighs before sliding them back into their concealed sheaths knowing that he will have to sacrifice the extra power if he is going to be able to carry one of the large containers out.  
  
Xander grabs the box closest to him looking around wildly trying to place the enemies surrounding him when he is startled by a voice from his left, "well, well, well if it isn't the little slayer want to be." Xander quickly turn to face the source of the voice to find Spike sitting calmly in his wheel chair.  
  
Xander shrugs and smiles while continuing the count in his head saying, "you know me Spike; I've always wanted to play the hero."  
  
"Well I guess you should have worn the tights," says Spike looking around to take stock of the surrounding vampires, "because I think you may need them." With a wave of his hand he sends the other vampires forward to converge on the young man.  
  
As the count down gets smaller and smaller and the vampires get closer Xander's smile does not fade as he looks down to take stock of his out fit. "I don't know Spike. I kind of like this look; I mean it's no wheel chair, but there is one really great thing about it."  
  
Xander's smile grows even bigger as Spike raises an eyebrow in question. "Well... it's flame retardant." With that Xander throws himself over the top of the table landing on the other side in time to use the heavy oak table as a barrier against the sudden explosion behind him.  
  
When Xander stands up he finds the door is in pieces and the pile of wood has been scattered into flaming pieces and the wall itself in flames. Xander rolls over the table again grabbing the wooden box again before flashing another smile toward Spike, "see sometimes it comes in handy."  
  
Xander takes off toward the door using the flames as a guard against the extremely flammable vampires. Xander wraps his arms around the box as he gets closer to the door feeling the flames heat his face and hands. Xander throws the box through the door allowing him to gain more speed. He hears Spike yelling something at his minions, but Xander does not give himself the time to comprehend it as he pushes himself to move faster.  
  
When he gets with a few feet from the flaming mouth of freedom Xander pulls his jacket up over his neck and hair before diving through the small gap over the bonfire and under the flaming archway. Xander finishes his dive with a froward role putting out the flames clinging to his clothes tenaciously.  
  
Xander stands up and dust himself off giving himself a cursory check to make sure nothing is broken or burned and is happy to find himself in better shape than he expected. Xander spots the wooden box and can not help but wonder how such a plain looking box could require so much trouble. Of course when he thinks about what the box hold and the implications it holds he knows that he actually got away easy.  
  
The weight of that thought prompts Xander to move quickly picking up the container and retreating into the night leaving the flames of the developing inferno to drive away the darkness.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander's house is never quiet. The hum of the refrigerator, the blowing of the air conditioner, and the almost constant buzzing from the TV all swirl together with the sounds of the outside world to create a constant reminder of life and the wonders it possesses for those who stop and listen. The sounds of the house are a comfort to the young man blending to create a rich orchestra that plays the music of safety and comfort while keeping the rhythm the young man's hectic life constant.  
  
Tonight is different, normally after a night of slaying Xander lies in his bed with the lights off and lets the subtle lullaby of the night sooth him to sleep, but tonight is definitely different.  
  
Instead of sitting in the cool embrace of sleep Xander is wide away sitting in his kitchen. He can not hear the evening's opus because his mind is too confused to hear it and his soul is too disturbed to feel it. Because sitting on the table in front of him lies a piece of the judge resting in quiet evil and darkness.  
  
The box silently mocks the young man from its perch symbolizing the struggle ahead. Xander never considered the consequences of his late night raid on the abandoned factory never considered what he would do with the prize once he won it. He can feel the evil pouring from the appendage inside, and he knows that the creatures of the night will not let him rest until they possess it once again.  
  
Xander knows he needs help, but that is where the problem lies. The only people he can turn to are his friends, but to ask for their help means telling them how he came into possession of the piece of evil.  
  
Xander sits in his kitchen just staring at the box part of him willing it to explode and save him the trouble while the other part silently berates him for causing the problem in the first place.  
  
You had to keep it from them didn't you? You had to have something for yourself; you had to have your secret gift. If you had just told them from the start none of this would be a problem. But now you're going to have to tell them that not only have you been lying to them, you have to tell them that you have been keeping a gift from them that could have helped them immensely.  
  
Xander shakes his head vehemently in the hopes of derailing the train of thought going through his head. I never lied to them. They never asked.  
  
Oh yeah like they are going to accept that.  
  
Hey, they couldn't have handled what I am okay! They need to keep their perceptions and ideas without them everything would be upside down, and I have been helping they just didn't have to know I was doing it; and you know it. You're my mind for crying out loud. Why can't you be on my side?  
  
I am on your side, but you do realize that they are not going to accept any of that as a reason. You're going to have to do some serious groveling. That is if you tell them. You could just leave it on Giles' door step with a note or something.  
  
Oh, so now you've moved from logic to devil's advocate? You and I both know that I have to tell them. What am I saying `you and I'? We are `you and I'. Have I mentioned I really hate inner monologues? They're too confusing, so consider this one over.  
  
Xander continues to stare at the plain wooden box too tired to think, too troubled to move, and too scared to sleep afraid of what and who he will have to face in the morning. But sleep does come to him stealing the young man's worries and cares carrying them with it as it passes while giving him the strength to face the day.  
  
And strength he will need.  
  
End of chapter 8b  
  
References  
  
1. mailto:RaistlinM1@aol.com 


	6. Chapter 9

Warrior of the Heart  
  
1 Author: JimboS  
  
2 E-mail: RaistlinM1@AOL.com  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. They belong to a person who is much more creative than me.  
  
Feedback: Yes please!  
  
Dedication: MJ, once again thank you for being cool like that.  
  
3  
  
4 Chapter 9  
  
5 The Journal of Xander Harris  
  
What is knowledge? It is one of the most respected and sought after traits out there, but what is it really? How much of the greatness of knowledge is based in the truth and how much is in the perception of truth? Do people want to know the truth no matter the consequences or do they only want the truth when it makes them happy?  
  
I wonder how many people would be happier to know about the evil that slithers across this planet hiding just below the surface for all to see if they only look for it. I think that one out of a thousand would rather live their life in blissful ignorance more than happy to trade in the truth for their hours of undisturbed sleep.  
  
I think that is what I miss the most about my old life. Not the free time to be a teen, nor the ability to plan for the future without feeling like a fool for assuming you'll make it that far. No the thing I miss the most is being able to have my head hit the pillow and fall into the peaceful void of sleep within ten minutes of contact. After I learned to truth I would just lay in my bed and make pray that I would make to my bed again. I would let the hours slowly slip away while contemplating my final moments with a morbid fascination wondering how it will happen playing the different scenarios through my head swirling them around my brain like a fine wine.  
  
I don't sleep much anymore. I find it is much easier to meditate for a few hours instead of spending that time wondering weather I'm going to end up either eviscerated or decapitated. Of course it was with the help of that meditation that I finally figured it out. It doesn't matter how I die; all that matters is I meet my end with out regret.  
  
It took me a while to figure that out. I had to figure out that the world doesn't owe me anything. I spent so much of my time lamenting my fate and blaming fate that I overlooked the fact that life is a gift given without payment. To waste that gift is a crime against the cosmic wonder that allows this relatively small ball of space matter to sustain our existence.  
  
Once a person has accepted the inevitability of their fate death can hold no power over them. When you understand that your life is no more precious than any other, when you believe that life does not owe you anything, and when you know that you have lived your life to the best of your ability death looks less scary and life sparkles just a little bit more.  
  
But demons are different they do not see the wonder of life they only look for the beauty of death; they are a part of the dance of the world. A demon does not enjoy life they enjoy the slaughter and the perversion of life. They don't just desire destruction they need it. It is a part of their being it dominates their entire existence. It is only natural that they meet their final end in the same manor.  
  
But what about a human being? How can I sit in judgement over another soul and proclaim myself more worthy of life? There are many kinds of evil out there and who is to say that humans are better than demon? But will I be able to do it, will I be able to take the life away from another human being, will I be able to make the killing strike when the time comes? I don't know the answer to that, and I hope that I never will.  
  
Xander Harris  
  
* * *  
  
Xander looks like a man defeated as he approaches the backdoor of the Sunnydale High School library. His shoulders are slumped forward like he is carrying the weight of the world on his back instead of a simple backpack and his gait is slow and deliberate as if each step is heavier than the next. He reaches the door and juggles the large wooden box under his arm as he reaches out to try the library's back door hoping that Giles thought to unlock it in case the library's inhabitants ever had to make a hasty retreat. Luck is with Xander on this early morning because the knob turns easily giving the young man entrance.  
  
Xander ambles through the maze of bookcases to the front of the library and quickly places the box containing the judge along with his backpack on the table in the center of what he affectionately calls 'the war room'.  
  
As soon as Xander removes his hands from the box the weight on his soul is lifted. He focuses on the unassuming box for a few seconds feeling the darkness and hate radiating from inside. The waves of evil pass through the room and resonate with everything around it affecting the entire room.  
  
Xander stretches hearing the rewarding sound of his vertebrae pop and realign. "That is the last time I fall asleep at the table," he says while placing his hands on his lower back to gain some extra leverage. With his body bending backward Xander's eyes fall upon the circular clock hanging above the main entrance.  
  
"Five thirty and Giles isn't here," he muses to himself, "and here I thought he lived here too afraid to leave his precious books."  
  
Xander sits down at the large table and once again stares at the wooden container resting before him. He gets the strange feeling of déjà vu and remembers doing this exact same thing last night in his kitchen. Unfortunately the scene reminds him of the topic of discussion as well.  
  
"This is good that I came here early because it will give me time to prepare how to tell them about me," declares the young man loudly trying to convince himself that he has made the right decision.  
  
And maybe you should prepare yourself for having no friends," says an annoying voice in his head.  
  
"Hey, don't start that again," says Xander verbally chastising himself. "We decided that they should know the whole story. Sure they are going to be furious and are probably not going to want to talk to me for at least a week."  
  
Xander gets up and begins to pace around the library gaining momentum as his tirade grows in intensity. "They are probably going to not even want to see me for a few days, which is going to definitely be of the bad. Because if what I'm feeling from that simple arm inside that box is any indication of the sort of all encompassing evil that this judge guy is they are going to need all the help they can get."  
  
Xander stops in his tracks in front of the main doors as his monologue comes to its conclusion and the words begin to sink into his brain. Xander spots his reflection in the widow in the door and can not help but tell his reflection, "I thought you were the one who was supposed to try and convince me to not tell them."  
  
Xander receives no response from the annoying voice in his head but continues with his monologue undeterred. "Okay Xander now is the time for you to make the decision. On the one hand you can tell your friends your secret and risk alienating yourself from the group during a crucial time of crisis." Xander starts pacing once again raising his right hand into the air to feel the weight of his argument.  
  
Xander raises his other hand and looks at it for a second before continuing. "On the other hand I can keep my secret and keep the group together and working like usual. And judging from our track record the 'usual' seems to work pretty well. Although if I keep this from all of them now the whole thing will snowball, and the fallout will only be bigger when the truth finally decides to make its long awaited appearance."  
  
Xander continues to look at his hands feeling his arguments and weighing them against each other. Xander breaks his gaze by closing his eyes mentally trying to calm himself to try and find the right answer, but he can not find his center because of the massive amounts of interference filling the room. His eyes snap open, and his stare falls upon the wooden box and the relic of evil that lies within. "I guess the third hand decides it doesn't it? They are going to need me and trust me if we have to go up against this thing."  
  
With his mind made up Xander walks to the container sitting on the table and spares a look at the clock. "I've got a while to figure this out. I need to get this to Giles without him knowing it's me, but I can't just leave it here with a note on it saying 'Judge arm keep safe' now can I?"  
  
Xander chuckle at the ridiculousness of the idea and sat to think of what his options were, but his mind would not let the thought go. "Wait a minute this could work if I can just get them working on figuring out how to keep the judge piece safe somehow. Then they won't have time to worry about how they got it, or at the least it will remain a secondary concern compared to the death of humanity."  
  
Xander moved to the book return counter and checked the shelves underneath for a piece of paper and a pen. A smile crosses the young man's face when the pieces of the plan begin to fall together in his mind. Xander flattens the paper out on the book return desk and idly bites on the end of the pen searching for the perfect way to get Giles motivated.  
  
Xander's face brightens momentarily when the idea strikes him; his head falls down and he begins to scribble a hasty not on the paper. Xander looks over the note and nods his head in satisfaction at his own handiwork. Xander then folds the paper in half and writes 'Giles' on the outside before he stands the note up against the box.  
  
Xander checks the clock again, picks up his backpack, and walks to the back door. He sits down on the floor and leans against the wall and silently curses his own efficiency because it will be a long wait before Giles shows up to fulfill his responsibilities as school librarian leaving himself with the job of guard duty until Giles comes.  
  
After about ten minutes of waiting Xander feels his eyes grow heavy with sleep. He shakes his head vehemently to get rid of the sleep but his eyes only become heavy once again after a few more minutes. Realizing the futility of the situation Xander decides that his only chance of remaining even slightly aware of his surroundings is to begin a rejuvenation meditation.  
  
Xander pulls inside of himself and searches his soul for his center. After a few seconds of meandering through his soul Xander discovers his center and the peace of the universe envelops him like a thick blanket giving him warmth and security. Xander pushes the warmth through his veins and feels his body feed off of the gorgeous energy. Xander then reaches out with his mind beyond himself and tries to rejuvenate his soul but all he can feel is the evil emanating from the judge's dismembered arm. Xander consciousness instinctively shies away from the energy that surrounds him and Xander begins to panic at the feeling of being surrounded by such a perverted source of energy.  
  
Like a caged animal Xander's consciousness begins to wildly rally against the energy looking for an escape. With a large force of will Xander brings his more bestial instincts under control and looks at the situation calmly. Xander slowly pushes through the walls that are resonating with the evil invading the room and finds himself outside and once again feels the calm ordered chaos of the earth surround him. The feeling of tapping into the powers of the world has no equal that the young man knows of.  
  
The sensation of being apart of the world, of being connected to everything around you, is the most comforting and empowering feeling in the world. The strength of the earth fills him as he connects with the forces of nature. Xander swims in the ancient power of creation lifting his spirits and rejuvenating his mind and soul as well.  
  
Xander pulls back into his body reluctantly but not wanting to leave the relic unguarded for too long. Rejuvenated from his excursion into the flow of the universe Xander spends the next couple of hours mentally studying the piece of the Judge looking for strengths and weaknesses committing to details to memory hoping to find the secret for defeating the dangerous demon. Xander feels a presence enter the library and is relieved to feel the tightly bound ball of emotions that is Giles emotional fingerprint.  
  
God the guy even feels British; we really need to get the guy to loosen up, thinks Xander before he once again resumes control of his limbs and slips out of the back door leaving Giles with a deadly surprise.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander is sitting in front of the high school in the shade of one of the schools abundant trees half-heartedly looking through his history book, but history can not compare to the complexity of the world around him. The sun burns brightly warming the earth energizing the plants and causing the wind to blow disturbing the grass and sweeping through the trees causing the leaves to rattle and the boughs to gently sway. The students begin to congregate around the school, their auras flashing with a myriad of hormone driven emotions.  
  
He notices a group of football players decked out in new letter jackets throwing a football around and watches their auras flare with pride when the girls giggle and fawn over them, and he studies the congregation of girls glow with admiration tinged with desire. Xander revels in his insights taking his time to study everything and one around him until he feels two very familiar auras approaching.  
  
At least they seemed familiar. Willow's aura normally has a distinct soft glow, which belies the beautifully complex swirls of colored lights that speaks of the amazing girl hidden beneath the shy sweater clad exterior. If Willow's aura is quiet, Buffy's soul-print is almost blinding giving off a simple white blast of light. It took Xander a week before he was able to stand looking directly at it and another week of trying before he was able to look past the brilliance to see Buffy's inner pattern. It consisted of a slow swirl of light and shadow with the light continually driving away the dark and the shadow constantly swallowing the light. The two sides would blend together on the edges to resemble a bleeding Ying-yang representing the joy and pain she finds in being the slayer. Xander could not help but find the slow dance of light and shadow strangely beautiful and hypnotic as the presence of the dark made the light seem all the more brilliant.  
  
However at the moment the auras of his two best friends is heavy with worry and anxiety threatening to cover Willow's beautiful colors and dulling Buffy's dazzling light. Xander stood up and patted off the dust and grass clinging to his pants before walking over to his friends trying to get there quickly but without tipping them off that he knows something.  
  
Xander can't help the smile that crosses his face when he sees the look of happiness cross both Buffy and Willow's face when they spot him coming their way. "Hey guys what's up," says Xander with a crooked grin curling up one side of his mouth.  
  
The half smile on Buffy's face quickly vanishes and Buffy becomes all business. "Meeting called in the library," she says, "there was some sort of trouble last night while I was out patrolling and Giles wants us to meet him so we can figure out what happened."  
  
"I don't know I mean I had a busy morning planned of staring at the pep squad practice their jumps, but for you I guess I can bump that to after lunch if I push back my hour of fanaticizing of being adopted by Little Debbie," says Xander.  
  
Buffy's grimace is no match for Xander's charm and her smile returns again. "Well I would hate to ruin your busy schedule," says Buffy. Willow and She flank the young man both wrapping and arm around his back while he puts his arms over their shoulders.  
  
The three friends move off in amicable closeness talking about the day ahead and the prospects of another problem from the Hellmouth. None of them notice Cordelia Chase watching the exchange with a strange look in her eye; those that did not know the princess of Sunnydale would even call it jealousy.  
  
* * *  
  
"So G-man, what's the Hellmouth got in store for us today," calls Xander as soon as he burst through the library's double doors with Buffy and Willow close behind.  
  
The three find Giles sitting at the main table with a stack of books around him and one lying open between him and the box holding a part of the Judge. Giles turns to give Xander a deadly stare and tells him, "Xander I have told you a number of times to not call me that."  
  
Xander sits down along with Willow and Buffy; his smile simply widens and he replies, "sure thing, in fact I've been meaning to try out some new ones. How about 'the big G-heese', or maybe 'Ruppie', 'Rubert', I've got it: 'Giles Giles, the watcher so nice they named him twice'? Stop me when we get to one you like."  
  
"Oh, no that will be quite enough," says Giles thoroughly defeated, "on second though I think I prefer my previous moniker."  
  
"Oh, okay, but you promise to tell me the minute you want a new nickname," says Xander grabbing a book from the stack and opening it. "So what are we researching on this fine Sunnydale morning?"  
  
"Well we were going to have a rather research light day until I received this little bombshell this morning," says Giles while giving the box in front of him a pat. "Last night an abandoned factory was burned down in the Sunnydale industrial sector. Now my first instinct was to dismiss it as vampire clan warfare, but I received a note from Angel claiming to have captured a piece of the mythical Judge last night."  
  
"Mythical Judge? Are we talking about Wapner or Ito," asks Xander just to see if he can get the librarian to clean his glasses, which is a sure sign of the watcher's frustration.  
  
"Actually it is the mythical Judge that can destroy all of humanity if he is reassembled," says Giles and the proceeds to remove his glasses and clean them. After wiping the glasses with his handkerchief he puts them back one and finds himself greeted by three confused faces.  
  
Giles raises his finger and stops Willow from asking her question before she can even start. "Now as I was saying before I was interrupted," say Giles giving Xander an annoyed look. "The judge is a demon whose soul purpose on this Earth is to destroy humanity all together. From my preliminary research and what I can remember from my watcher training the Judge strips everything he touches of its humanity, and he can not be destroyed by any weapon created by the hand of man. It took an army of five hundred led by the slayer to stop him before, but his body could not be killed. So the six survivors cleaved the Judge into six pieces and separated hiding the pieces across the globe. If the judge were to be reassembled we would not be able to stop him alone and countless innocents will die."  
  
Giles finishes his speech and looks around to gauge the responses of the others. He is surprised to see Xander raising his hand like a third grader patiently waiting for the librarian to call on him. Giles only watches the young man curiously not sure why the young man is waiting to interject instead of just interrupting, which leaves the librarian wary but against his better judgment he nods to the young man indicating that he can talk.  
  
Xander responds to the acknowledgement by standing up and clearing his throat calling for the attention of the group, while at the same time giving himself enough time to contemplate his current course of action, before proceeding. "Okay I think we need to come up with a plan and unless Giles already has one I think I've got just the thing." Xander pauses to look at Giles, whose face is a mixture of amusement and curiosity. Giles simply nods again and motions with his hands for Xander to proceed.  
  
"Okay I think we can all agree that this bit'o'Judge that we have here is in a word: bad," says Xander as he begins to pace in front of the group pausing every now and again to make eye contact to emphasize a point. "Well I'm pretty sure that this thing is sending out some major evil vibes, kind of like the Hellmouth itself. Now Drusilla, who we know is a little past crazy, can probably feel this thing from a mile away. Therefore I suggest that we have at least two people watching this thing at all times."  
  
"We are going to need excuses to get us out of class," says the young man pointing at Giles, "that is where you come in Giles. My personal favorite is the classic 'big research project' excuse. I also think that you call Ms. Calendar in on this one because if we can't stop this thing with a weapon maybe we can magic this thing gone."  
  
If Xander had not already moving on to his next point he would have burst out laughing at the look of surprise on Giles' face. "Buffy," the slayer, who had previously been staring blankly at Xander in pure shock, shook her head and started paying attention to the young man's instructions. "I think you should go see Angel and get him over here; we need all of the big hitters we can find, and I think that if we can get him here as long as we keep the blinds closed he should be fine. After that I think it would be best if you went to class. Snyder is already looking for a chance to put any of us through the wringer and the last thing we need is for the weasel coming down on us. Oh, and happy birthday."  
  
Xander gives Buffy a quick grin before he turns his attention to Willow, who is watching him eagerly waiting for him to tell her what she can do. Xander smiles at the look of innocence in her face before continuing. "Willow, I need you to go with Giles to see Ms. Calendar. You can use the computer lab do some research to help supplement the stuff we have in the library, and with Ms. Calendar there to help you should be able to work twice as fast."  
  
Xander stops pacing and turns to look at his friends with his feet shoulder width and his ands clasped behind his back, only to find them staring at him their mind not quite processing what just happened. Xander just smiles a half grin and asks, "Or does somebody have a better plan?"  
  
To his surprise Xander is met with only silence from the people seated before him. After a few seconds of waiting Xander just shrugs and sits back down, picks up the book he opened previously, and begins reading through it calmly. The three gawkers come out of their stupor almost simultaneously and look at each other and then back to Xander incredulously.  
  
Giles finally regains enough of his faculties to clear his throat gaining Xander attention away from his book. "What is this the wrong book," Xander asks, "Don't tell me you already read this one."  
  
Giles pulls off his glasses and wipes them with his handkerchief gathering his thoughts before continuing. "No Xander, actually it is about your plan," he says emphasizing the word plan. "I was wondering how you managed to come up with such an in depth plan."  
  
Xander smiles at the question and his eyes sparkle with mischief as he replies, "Giles do you remember 'soldier boy' from Halloween this year?" Giles nods his head, and his eyes briefly twitch behind his spectacles displaying his hidden guilt over the fact that someone from his past caused the whole thing. Xander nods and his smile grows even wider as he continues, "well I guess it wouldn't be too far off the mark to say that I do too."  
  
* * *  
  
The library is still and calm, the oppressive silence broken by the sound of old pages being turned at an almost constant interval. Xander and Giles are sitting at the table pouring over the tomes searching for a clue as to the destruction of the Judge, while Angel is checking the assortment of weapons stashed in the cage. Xander and Giles have been researching almost non-stop since the morning, but every source that actually has any information only has the same information.  
  
Xander feels Giles staring at him once again as he reads through the book once again searching for any new information. The watcher had been looking at him strangely all day since he learned about his retention of the soldier memories from Halloween. It had taken about ten minutes before Giles was satisfied with Xander's answers about his newly revealed talent with Xander going through a verbal minefield trying to satisfy the watcher's curiosity while at the same time not give too much away.  
  
After that Xander would catch the librarian watching him throughout the day. Every now and again while researching the hairs on Xander's neck would stand up and when he would look up he would see Giles' head quickly snap back down causing Xander to wonder if maybe Giles suspects something.  
  
Xander breaks the silence in the room by slamming closed the book lying in front of him causing everyone in the room to jump slightly earning him a perplexed look from Giles. "I'm sorry," says the young man blowing out a resigned sigh. "This is beyond frustrating, I keep ready the same thing over and over again; it's like every book is the same only with a different cover, which goes against everything my TV sitcom parents ever taught me."  
  
Giles studies the young man for a few minutes trying to find any hint of the soldier memories wondering if stress could trigger the memories, but he decides that it would be best for everyone if Xander went and released some of his pent up energy. In fact the librarian is amazed that the normally uncontrollable young man has lasted all day, all day reading he mentally added, without causing any trouble.  
  
"Xander why don't you help Angel check the weapons while I continue with the research," says the librarian not noticing the brief look of alarm cross Xander's features or the look of anticipation fall on Angel's.  
  
Xander begins to object but thinks better of it when Giles fixes him with the a glare that says in no uncertain terms that he will tolerate no debate on the subject. Swallowing the word before they can leave his mouth cause Giles to start lecturing Xander slowly walks over to the weapons cage. He passes Angel without acknowledging the cursed vampire's presence just calmly picking up the closest broad sword and a whetstone.  
  
Xander sits down and begins to run the stone over the blade in a smooth and methodical fashion. Xander does not look up from his task not wanting to make eye contact with Angel and then having to answer the vampire's questions. At first Xander was happy when Angel did deny recovering the piece of the Judge, but he now realizes that it would have almost been better if he had.  
  
Xander had planned out the entire situation writing a mental script to follow as the scene played out in his head. Angel was supposed to drop the bomb and reveal that he had not been the one to recover the Judge's arm, which would cause Giles to have a conniption over the identity of the slayer vigilante. Xander would then sweep in and point out that the question of the identity of the helper paled in comparison with the problem at hand.  
  
The whole scene worked so well in the young man's head, after a brief period of research to discover if the arm was authentic the research would begin again and Xander would be free and clear, but Angel had to screw everything up. Xander knew something was wrong when Angel kept staring at him trying to make eye contact throughout the entire day, which Xander avoided like the plague.  
  
Now, thanks to his own impatience and lack of control, Xander has been forced into the confrontation he knew was coming. He continues to sharpen the blade without taking his eyes off of his work when he feels Angel take a seat next to him and begins to sharpen a sword of his own; Angel clears his throat purposefully trying to start a conversation.  
  
Xander looks up at the vampire without stopping his work and checks to make sure Giles is not paying attention before whispering in an annoyed voice, "What?" Angel's hands falter and the stone slides of the side of sword. He is surprised at the young man's response not expecting to be met by annoyance of all things. He could have handled anger, guilt, or even apprehension from the boy in front of him, but annoyance was definitely unexpected.  
  
Angel recovers quickly enough to whisper back in an equally annoyed tone, "You know what, don't give me the attitude because I know it was you who stole the Judge and I know how you did it."  
  
Angel resumes to sharpen the sword and his tone changes to one of amusement as he leans in close as if to share in a secret. "Really Xander, playing with fire? I thought you knew better than that." Just when Xander thinks that the conversation could not become any more surreal he see the strangest sight; Angel actually smiles and says, "I would have loved to see the looks on their faces when that fire hit."  
  
"Um, yeah, it was pretty funny," says Xander unsure of how to handle the situation. "Can we just back it up here for a second? Last time I checked we aren't friends, we aren't buddies, in fact I think that allies may be too strong of a word for us. So why the act? Why not blow my cover or at least tell Giles that you didn't steal the Judge?"  
  
Angel pauses and just looks at the young man before smiling again like he knows something amusing, which cause Xander to get the mental picture of the normally dour vampire's face cracking and breaking from the sudden stress caused by foreign act of smiling. Angel looks away to check on Giles and finds the librarian oblivious to all things not printed on paper. The smile on Angel's face quickly fades and is replaced by the normal tight lipped frown before he leans in close and whispers, "Xander, I know about your patrolling at nights."  
  
Angel smiles again when he sees the warrior's jaw drop while at the same time his eyebrows race up his forehead. "I've got my sources in this town and recently they have been telling me about this kid who has been patrolling the areas around Sunnydale setting traps for eager vampires. I thought it was safe to assume it was you out there after the incident with the anointed one. I heard about the fire last night and I heard what was taken. I almost didn't believe it. I had the feeling that you were going to give me the credit for this one, and I was all set to come in here and make a scene."  
  
"Why didn't you," interrupts Xander while turning the sword over to work on the other side; he is still not sure how to handle the sudden rush of information.  
  
Angel looks down at the sword in his hand and turns it over in his hand to check the edge. Satisfied with his work the he turns and places the sword on the rack grabs another and begins to sharpen that one as well with long and direct strokes methodically sharpening the blades edge. Angel does not look up from his work as he responds to the young man seated in front of him.  
  
"Actually it was you who convinced me not to," says Angel looking up to make eye contact with Xander. He continues quickly not allowing Xander to interrupt and ask for an explanation. "I remembered the night they tried to bring back the Master. I remembered how you stood there with a dagger wound in your side held up by your pride and your need to see your friends returned safely. I respect the fact that you were willing to sacrifice for the people you love."  
  
Angel pauses and lets out an unneeded breath while his jaw tenses and his eyes unfocus like he is watching something a hundred feet away. "I guess I just figured that you need to handle this your own way for your own good and for the good of the group, and I owe you one for making her nights safer," he states once again back in the present.  
  
Xander does not have to ask who she was. He knows that they both have a certain blonde slayer on the brain, and while the vampire's actions are a mystery to him Xander knows that they will always have that passion in common. It is in this moment that vampire come to an understanding; they are not friends, buddies, or comrades, but they both feel like they can call each other allies.  
  
The moment is broken by the shrill cry of the school bell declaring the day over and signaling the escape of the students from their classrooms, as the mob of teenagers pours out into the halls and eventually to the outside world. Xander and Angel quickly return the weapons back to the cage just in case some student decides to actually use the library.  
  
After about three minutes of chaos outside the library doors a disheveled slayer makes her entrance. Her hair is a mess falling across her face and her clothes are rumpled and wrinkled. Xander tries to keep from laughing but can not keep the wide grin from stretching across his face.  
  
Buffy catches his look and sends him a glare that would normally have made his smile disappear instantaneously, but with her current resemblance to an angry pile of dirty clothes it only makes Xander smile wider. "I think we need to look into the possibility that the entire student body has been possessed by hyenas," says Buffy while straightening her clothes and hair. "Although no pork products have gone missing, so I guess we can rule that out, but the next guy who bumps into me while racing to the parking lot is getting a slaying he wouldn't believe."  
  
Buffy smiles sweetly at Angel before walking up to Giles and interrupting him from his reading. "Okay Giles, I've come to pick up our little bundle of evil for tonight," declares Buffy while grabbing the box. "I don't know when I will be able to stop by your apartment to figure out what to do with this thing. My mom wants to have a little Buffy birthday dinner, so I have to pretend to be the good daughter for a while but I will stop by when I'm done putting in my time."  
  
Giles places his hands on the box keeping Buffy from picking it up. "Buffy I don't think it is a good idea for you to guard the Judge tonight. If this think is putting off the amount of evil I think it is anyone in possession of it will be acting as a beacon for the entire Sunnydale demonic community, and I don't want to put your mother in danger. I will keep it safe along with Angel until we can figure out how to either destroy it or hide it beyond Spike and Drusilla's grasp."  
  
Buffy makes to protest but Giles gives her the same 'no arguments' look he gave Xander earlier and she falls into silence. Buffy goes to grab a book to help research feeling the extreme need to help after being cooped up in a classroom all day feeling useless knowing that the world was hanging in the balance while she learned quadratics. However she is shooed away quickly by the watcher who tells her in no uncertain terms to go home, relax, and enjoy her birthday.  
  
Buffy finally retreats from the protective watcher feeling happy to have a break but at the same time she can not stop the slayer side of her from worrying about leaving her friends alone to face what she knows will be a dangerous situation. Buffy passes through the library's large double doors and starts on her trek home made longer by her worry and concerns. She finally makes it home to spend some greatly missed normal time with her mother.  
  
Back at the library about two minutes after Buffy's departure Willow and Cordelia walk in. Cordelia immediately approaches Xander, who is in the back placing the books that have already been searched back on the shelves in their places throughout the shelves, and wraps her arm inside his and gives him her sweetest most charming smile possible.  
  
"So are we still going to Buffy's party together," she asks trying to keep her tone as unexcited as possible. Xander looks down and stares at Cordelia's hand holding on to the crook of his elbow not quite sure what it is doing there. What Xander does not know is that Cordelia has developed a crush on the young warrior over the past few months.  
  
Ever since Cordelia decided to help out the gang in their after school activities Xander has saved her life on numerous occasions. Everything ranging from saving her from a lab fire caused by two students who tried to use her to finish a zombie companion for their undead creation to protecting her from a Taraka assassin has caused Cordelia to see Xander in a new light. The problem is that Xander has not responded to any of her subtle and not so subtle hints, which has only cause Sunnydale's spoiled princess, who is used to getting everything she wants, to want him all the more.  
  
"Actually Cordelia there has been a slight change of plan and we may not even have the party," answers Xander deftly removing his arm from her grasp to continue re-shelving the books. "You should be happy this will save you the risk of pulling a muscle doing all of that pouring and stirring that comes from preparing the chips and dips."  
  
Xander bends down to put the last book away and starts walking backwards toward the front of the library so he can continue to talk to Cordelia. "Unless Giles has suddenly been struck with the crazies I think the party will be a no go. I mean who in their right mind would hold a party whil…" Xander is interrupted in mid sentence when he hears from behind him.  
  
"No, Willow the party will proceed as planned, you do not have to break your date."  
  
Xander stops in mid backward stride right before the stairs leading to the lower level and quickly turns around to confirm whom he had just heard talking. Giles is sitting at the table with Angel and Willow standing in front of him.  
  
"That couldn't have been Giles I just heard," the young man declares loudly taking the steps to the front lower level in one bound to stand next to Willow in front of the table that Giles is seated at. "In fact that couldn't have been Giles, because the Giles I know would not decide to throw a party while guarding a demon homing device. It would go against every stuffy bone in his body."  
  
"Actually I think that we can keep the artifact safe with a blocking spell that Ms. Calendar found. I would also be remiss if I did not point out that this is Buffy's only seventeenth birthday and it is our duty as her friends to make sure that she has a happy and memorable one."  
  
"I guess your right," concedes Xander, "but it is the memorable part I am concerned about. So we keep the same plan and meet at the Bronze a little before nine then?" Xander reaches over and pats the wooden box containing the Judge and asks, "Who is going to be bringing the guest of honor? Because I think Angel would probably be our best bet if he doesn't think his demon would be affected by the amount of evil this thing produces."  
  
Angel reaches out and picks up the box hefting it in his hand to feel the weight in his arms and on his soul and declares, "I can handle it, and I think Xander is right I'm the best choice for carrying this thing. I'll meet you at the bronze tonight and I hope to have some good news about this thing."  
  
Giles simply nods in agreement and takes that as his cue to begin his research again. Angel turns and nods to Xander quickly reminding both of their earlier conversation and the understanding reached. Angel then takes off toward the back door with the judge when Willow calls out, "What about the sun? Aren't you going to you know, 'go poof' if you step out there."  
  
Angel gives the read head a happy smile and points toward the front of the school. The sun is going down over there and there is a man-hole covering to the right of the door that should be in shadow by now. I will be fine."  
  
Angel turns quickly and slips out of the back door carrying with him an object that could destroy humanity. Xander and Willow both shudder slightly at the shared thought before turning back to go over the information gathered from their day of research.  
  
* * *  
  
When Willow suggested having the party at the Bronze nobody realized that getting the Bronze to let the gang hold I private party on a weekday would be much easier and cheaper than expected. It turns out that you can not own a nightclub for teenagers on the Hellmouth without knowing the score. Giles was pleasantly surprised that as soon as he mentioned Buffy's name the owner not only cleared the day but also did it for free.  
  
And so the Bronze is not inhabited by dancing groping hormonal teens on this special occasion. The owner even gave them the okay to decorate for the party, so the dark atmosphere of the teen hang out is brightened by a modest amount of banners and streamers.  
  
Xander looks at the room's decor and shudders remembering the same type of decorations he found in the currently burned down factory. Xander walks the perimeter of the large dance hall absent mindedly feeling the walls with his hand letting his fingertips brush across the textured surface created by the paint while listening to Willow and Jenny Calendar set up for a spell in the center of the dance floor. He can also hear Cordelia talking to Oz trying to distract the guitar hero from the ritual that is to take place. Of course with Oz being less than responsive the conversation has degraded into Cordelia prattling on about anything that comes to mind.  
  
Willow described the spell, as creating a barrier around an area that would block all forms of organic energy from entering or leaving. Xander had to frown at that description because he could not be certain of how he would react to the spell.  
  
Of course it is too late now because the circle has been drawn and the spell has begun. Under the worried gaze of Giles and Angel the two casters begin to chant in a strange form of Latin not used since the decline of the druid faith in England.  
  
In the center of the circle lies the nondescript wooden box containing the azure arm of the Judge. The group had spent another hour pouring over the research looking for an answer, but they could not find an answer. Xander can not help but feel like the answer is close to him just waiting for him to find it. He can feel it tickling his brain teasing him with the precious knowledge.  
  
The spell reaches its climax as the transparent barrier begins to for around the bronze as the two caster's voices reach a crescendo. When the spell is finished Willow falls forward leaning on the wooden box for support spiritually spent for the moment.  
  
Giles, Cordelia, and Angel begin to look around futilely trying to see if the spell was a success, but Xander continues to walk the perimeter feeling the walls with his hands. He begins to slow as his mind tries to wrap around the dual sensations it is receiving. Xander can still feel the wall beneath his hand; the texture of the paint, the hard and thin layer of drywall, and the slight depression and swells where the wood frame underneath adds extra support to the wall. Yet at the same time his mind can feel the barrier in his mind pulsing with quiet strength reflecting the waves given off from the occupants. The sensations mix and meld giving the wall an impenetrable feeling.  
  
Jenny Calendar recovers from the spell first quickly and reaches out to rub Willow's shoulder and whispers words of encouragement to the girl telling her how well she did for her spell. After a brief rest Willow stands up and looks to Jenny and asks, "did it work? Because I don't think I want to do that again just yet."  
  
Jenny laughs and walks the young woman over to one of the many vacant tables. "No Willow, it worked perfectly, and you should be very proud that your first spell actually worked. I remember my first spell was a sleep spell I tried to cast on a friend as a prank, but it actually did the exact opposite, which was okay because once the spell wore off she did sleep for a long time."  
  
Giles walks over to the two and places a warm hand on both of their shoulders, as a silent signal to Willow of his pride in her and to Jenny as a display of thinly veiled affection. "I guess Willow won't be up to going over to Buffy's house to relay our message," says the watcher giving Willow a warm smile.  
  
"I'll go," says Angel from behind Giles, but before Giles can respond Jenny's head shoots up and she interrupts. "No you can't! Um, I mean…who would guard the Judge in case something happens? Let me go instead I'll get her here and I can keep a secret." Nobody saw the bit of guilt and sadness cross Jenny's features at the last statement.  
  
"I don't think that is wise with the vampire community no doubt out tonight combing the town in search of our piece of the Judge," says Giles hardly disguising the worry in his voice.  
  
"Rupert, I would have you know that I am quite capable of looking out for myself, and by your logic if they are all out looking for the judge they won't be looking for a snack," responds Jenny heatedly.  
  
Giles sees the fire in her eyes and looks to Angel for support but only receives a helpless shrug in response. "Very well, I guess you will be okay, but do be careful," says Giles with a heavy sigh.  
  
"Okay, I will try and not die tonight, but only because you asked me to, says Jenny before she stands up and walk out of the door on her way to Buffy's house.  
  
The gang begins to busy themselves in preparation for Buffy's arrival. Giles spends his time checking the decorations and the sound system to make sure that everything was set. Xander had to chuckle at the watcher's mothering behavior. Oz took the opportunity to check on Willow since he had been slightly intimidated by the watcher's presence before, and his attention serves to speed up Willow's own recovery due to her excitement. Cordelia enlists herself in the Giles' service by checking on the food making sure that the 'chips are properly poured and the dips are correctly stirred' as the librarian put it.  
  
Finally Xander's gaze falls on Angel sitting at a table off to the side with the recovered segment of the Judge staring at it. The vampire's eyes look so worn and tragic that Xander can not help but wonder what the vampire is feeling. Xander tries to find the vampire's signature but he discovers a strange side effect of the spell. With the barrier reflecting the emotions and auras of everyone in the room Xander can not distinguish the current feeling from the emotions sent out in the past.  
  
Xander feels what seems like a thousand people surrounding him all talking at once telling the same story but none telling the same part. The beginning meshes with the end and swirls back to the middle before splitting into the beginning and the end. Xander also feels the evil of the judge except it feels time a hundred pieces surrounding him. Xander panics once again remembering the events of the morning and knowing that this time he can not flee from the evil that purveys the room.  
  
The room starts to spin faster and faster making the colors on the walls streak and the faces of his friends blur as his mind whirls looking for escape or safety. With no where else to turn Xander pulls inward and searches for respite inside of himself. The sudden animalistic panic that overtook the young man subsides when his consciousness falls into his center and lets the soothing calm with in wash away the previous hysteria.  
  
Xander can feel the calming power surround him like a security blanket giving him shelter and warmth. The need to feel the soothing power drives Xander to burrow deeper into himself pulling the power around him molding it and concentrating it without thought. In his mind's eye Xander is surprised to find that the concentrated power has consolidated around his body creating a thin barrier around his body.  
  
With a thought Xander melts the barrier letting it return to the flow around him and then pulls it back in again. Laughing like a child with a new toy Xander forms the power into different shapes and sizes and then letting them melt back into the current. With the answer in hand Xander lends his consciousness back to the outside world and begins to pull out the power from inside of him and consolidating it into a barrier to protect his mind from the constant onslaught of emotions.  
  
The young man decides to create a simple barrier about six inches in front of him instead of trying to form it to fit his form. Xander begins to build a wall around him be creating a simple framework and pouring the power into it like a construction worker pouring cement. Xander then begins to add more power compressing the calming force into an almost solid object. Xander stops when he can no longer feel the press of emotions and finally lets his consciousness return once again to his body and the world around him.  
  
Xander comes out of the trance slowly shaking his head to clear the images from his eyes and looks to see if anyone noticed his mental vacancy. He finds everyone wrapped up in his or her own prior activities except for Angel. To Xander's surprise the vampire has moved his stare from the Judge to let it fall on him. Angel holds the young man's gaze for a few seconds before nodding slightly and returning to his somber vigil over the Judge.  
  
Xander glances at his watch to try and calculate how long he was gone but is interrupted by Willow whispering loudly, "Quiet, I think I hear them coming."  
  
Well I guess that answers that question, says Xander inside his head as he takes up position behind one of the tables to the right of the entrance and closest to the door.  
  
The Bronze becomes silent as everyone dives for cover straining to hear the approaching footsteps. The footsteps grow closer and louder until the door open's and Buffy's voice enters the room. "So why are we meeting here again? I mean I know the whole hiding in plain sight thing, but I don't think anyone is here. I hope nothing has happened"  
  
"Surprise!" exclaims the group as they spring from their hiding places causing Buffy to starts and react with slayer instinct sending a previously concealed stake flying directly toward Xander's heart. Sending Xander into a reaction without conscious thought twisting his hips to align his shoulders parallel with the flying stake while bending backwards like a limbo champ letting the stake fly harmlessly in front of his chest and narrowly avoiding his loose fitting shirt.  
  
"Oh God! Xander," exclaims Buffy, rushing over to check on her friend. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to; I swear. It was just that this place felt weird and then everyone started yelling, and it felt like there were vampires all over the place, so I reacted. I'm so sorry." Buffy wraps her arms around the young man and pulls him into a tight hug.  
  
"Happy birthday Buff, should I be honored that I got to be the receiver of the traditional birthday staking," asks Xander while Buffy busies herself touching the front of his shirt to make sure it, and the wearer, had survived the impromptu attack unscathed. He is surprised to see the looks of shock on everyone's faces except for Angel, who has a look of amusement plastered of his face that makes Xander want to punch the look right off of the vampire's angelic face.  
  
The smile on the vampire's face quickly changes to jealousy when Buffy's hands begin to rub across Xander's chest more and more turning a simple check of the young man's shirt into a thorough examination of his pectorals. Ooh, musclely, when did Xander get these, Buffy thinks to herself. Note to self: remember to buy Xander tighter clothes for his birthday. Wait a minute, when is Xander's birthday, and when did he get these muscles?  
  
Giles clears his throat pulling Buffy from inner monologue with a start causing her cheeks to redden and her gaze to fall to the floor. "Xander, what just happened here," asks Giles, not exactly sure what question he was requesting an answer for.  
  
The young warrior studies Giles' face looking for an answer within the tiny worry lines earned from years of fighting the good fight in some form or another. "Well, near as I can tell Buffy tried to stake me, but luckily her aim was off from her surprise and I guess the soldier reaction took over," lies Xander, knowing that the stake was aimed true and that his reaction had little to do with the events of Halloween. But he also knows that as long as Giles continues to feel guilty for the actions of his former friend the watcher will not press the subject.  
  
"I also think that the spell affected Buffy's natural reaction," says Xander giving Giles another topic in the hopes of deferring any more questions.  
  
"How could it have done that," Willow asks, "the spell didn't say anything about affecting the senses, just that it blocks organic energy."  
  
Giles removes his glasses and places the end against his lips trying to wrap his mind around the problem while Xander sits in silence not wanting to steal the watcher's big revelation. Giles begins to pace as he verbalizes his thoughts; "It would seem that by enacting the barrier all of the energies were reflected off of the barrier back and forth, similar to how a laser beam is created."  
  
Giles begins to move faster as his thoughts pick up momentum. Suddenly he stops and points his glasses toward Angel saying, "Angel's presence must have caused his organic signature to be repeatedly bounced off the walls with more and more being added until it created the effect of the room feeling like it was inhabited by a hundred vampires." Giles signals his completion by returning his glasses back to their resting-place on his face.  
  
Xander mentally congratulates himself for figuring it out before the librarian, but is sure to look impressed by the sudden revelation. Xander looks around and sees that Jenny Calendar is staring at Giles with thinly veiled admiration, and he can not help the smile that creeps across his face at the thought of Giles actually finding happiness with the beautiful computer teacher.  
  
"Hey," exclaims Willow trying to inject the party with energy, "why don't we open presents?"  
  
"Ooh, and dip, I brought that myself," interjects Cordelia with renewed perkiness earning her a few looks. "What, I did," answers the princess of Sunnydale High with a patronizing tone.  
  
After the food is distributed, with Xander taking a large portion not wanting to see perfectly good snack foods go to waste, the group gathers around one of the larger tables the Bronze had to offer with presents in hand with Buffy seated at the head of the table.  
  
Willow is determined to give her present first and nearly elbows Giles in the face in her haste to see the present in her best friend's hands. "This is from Oz and I," says Willow as she passes the present to Buffy, who eagerly rips off the paper from the box tossing it to the side and pulls the top off of the box to find a pair of white, heeled sandals. "I saw you looking at them the other day, so I went back and got them for you after you went home," remarks Willow trying hard to hide her anxiousness over the present.  
  
"They're great, I know just what to wear them with." answers Buffy allaying her friend's fears by pulling her into a hug.  
  
"Well, it isn't shoes, but I hope that you like it," says Giles while passing Buffy his present. Buffy tears into this one as well pulling of the paper quickly to find two books. On top is a copy of "The Slayer's Handbook" and underneath is a dark blue, leather bound book with the initials 'BAS' written on the front in silver and a small silver clasp on the side of the book to hold it closed. "I saw how you acted when Kendra and I were talking about it, so I figured you would like a copy too." say Giles wiping his glasses with a handkerchief. "I know you already have a diary, but I felt that this one would be useful if you ever need a replacement." Buffy smiles and wraps Giles in a hug as well thanking him for the present.  
  
Cordelia goes next and gives Buffy a gift certificate for a free massage followed by Jenny Calendar who gives her a gift certificate to the Sunnydale mall.  
  
Xander goes next and produces a large heavy looking box from under the table wrapped in simple dark green wrapping paper. "I didn't know what to get 'the slayer who has everything', so I went with a more practical gift," Xander says with a smirk. Buffy looks the present over trying to decide what could be in it but is interrupted by Willow, who shouts, "open it already, I'm dying to know what he got you. He wouldn't tell me what he got you all this week only saying it was a surprise." Which causes Xander to blush slightly and prompts Buffy to immediately tear into the paper protecting the surprise beneath.  
  
The paper is removed to reveal a simple mahogany box with a basic latch to hold the box closed. A swirling pattern is carved into the perimeter of the top of the box with a rose on each corner where the swirling lines meet. In the center of the lid 'Buffy' is carved in curving cursive. Buffy runs her fingers along the lid feeling the thin grains of the wood, tracing the carved lines along their infinite journey. "It's beautiful," says Buffy, "where did you find it?"  
  
Xander smiles a crooked grin at the compliment and responds, "I figured that you would be able to recognize a Harris original. My cousin Robby works as an apprentice carpenter here in town and I got him to let me use his workspace. Well don't just stand there looking at a silly box, open it." His smile widens when Buffy unhooks the latch and pushes open the lid to find a picture of the original gang framed into the bottom of the lid, but the real kicker comes when Buffy finds what is sitting in the bottom of the box.  
  
Inside the box lies an assortment of different stakes all placed in a specifically shaped depression in the dark blue pillow inside. Upon inspecting the stakes Buffy finds that each one has been carved to a deadly point and has a braided leather grip on each one. Buffy pulls out a cross that has been sharpened at the bottom to serve as a stake as well, two double-sided stakes, a short thin stake, and a longer than normal stake. Buffy notices that the two-sided stakes and the long stakes are each equipped with three curious grooves spiraling around the stake all the way up to the handle.  
  
"The grooves help it fly straighter and longer in case you need to throw them," supplies Xander helpfully. "I couldn't think of anything else to get you and this seemed easier than lurking in the women's departments in the Sunnydale mall. The real hard part was finding a priest to bless them. You would be surprised how high the eyebrows will raised when you ask a man of the cloth to bless large pointy sticks."  
  
"You made these," asks Giles taking up the long stake and running it through his hands inspecting the workmanship.  
  
"That depends if Buffy likes them," answers Xander, who is beginning to truly hate the watcher's seemingly constant questions. "I specifically like the miniature stake, because you never know when a blood sucker will pop in for a go."  
  
It was in that moment that the world decided to prove that it had a warped sense of humor because not two seconds after the words left Xander's lips a horde of vampires burst through the front door of the Bronze. "Damn it," exclaimed Xander grabbing the Judge box from the table and pushing it into Buffy's hands. "Take it and run Buff. They don't want us and they can't be allowed to get this piece."  
  
When Buffy starts to protest Xander looks to Angel and says, "Go with her and make sure she get to safety. You know what it will mean if we fail, and I know I'm not ready for the end of humanity. Go!"  
  
Xander watches with satisfaction when he sees Angel grab Buffy's hand and take off toward the back exit and the maze of alleys and decrepit buildings it leads to. Xander looks to the box of stakes Buffy left behind and begins to pass them out to the people remaining.  
  
"Giles I hope that you don't leave home without a stake because we are a little low on fire power," says Xander, and he is relieved to see Giles pull out a stake and two crosses from his coat pockets. "Okay good, we need to keep these vamps confused and off balance so we will make a run for it and slip away forcing them to split up to search for Buffy and the Judge. With only Buffy and Angel they should make it out easily and if we can make it to someone's house we can wait until dawn and regroup."  
  
Giles only nods and gives Xander a strange look, which the young man has no time to contemplate as he continues to hand out stakes and crosses. Giving Cordelia the stake cross hybrid, Willow the long stake, Oz the double sided stakes, and Jenny the miniature stake along with Giles' extra cross. After the weapons are distributed Xander and Giles herd everyone toward the back exit.  
  
The group makes it outside and begins to run for cover, but Xander stops following when he hears from behind him, "Find the artifact and the boy. Spike will reward the one who brings him the boy's heart with the blood of his friends."  
  
Xander knows that if he stays with the group he will lead the vampires right to him and the others, so instead of following the group he turns around, pulls out his daggers, and runs back into the Bronze to meet the group of vampires running his way.  
  
Xander drops his barrier and lets the auras of the vampires wash over him driving him to move faster and fight harder. Xander pushes himself faster to make it back inside the room where he stands a better chance of winning with the many obstacles to keep the vampires from attacking at once.  
  
Xander flies through the door but does not slow down and continues to charge the group of vampires, who had stopped to watch the spectacle of a human actually running toward them instead of away. When he gets within striking distance Xander unloads all of his strength and momentum into the closest vampire with a strong side kick to the sternum, which launches the vampire backwards into his friends. Xander doesn't take the time to sit and count how many vampires are in the chaotic mass of writhing limbs as the vampires try to break free from one another.  
  
Xander moves away quickly, rolling over the tops of tables to put some room between him and the large mass of bloodthirsty vampires. Xander quickly taps into the anger boiling inside of him and is surprised to feel it coming into him from around the room; the barrier sending the released energy back into the young man feeding his anger and rage continually.  
  
An eager vampire attacks the young man from behind trying to get the quick kill, but Xander feels the attack before it even started and the vampire find his fist connecting with nothing but emptiness when Xander ducks and spins then springing forward with a viscous strike. The blade enters the vampire's chest burning the undead flesh and destroying the demon's black heart turning the vampire into dust.  
  
With the rage burning in his soul Xander relishes the feeling of the vampire crumbling into dust. Xander feels the animal within him straining to be unleashed feeding off of the anger that surrounds him bringing with it the basic animal need to protect its territory and its pack.  
  
With a wild cry of rage Xander launches himself at the mass of vampires not caring about the danger reveling in the blood and destruction he brings. Xander drives into the middle of the group swinging his blades wildly listening to the macabre symphony of sounds that surround him; of the wind created by his swinging blades, the screams of pain and anguish, and the resounding beat of flesh striking flesh.  
  
Xander gives himself over to his instincts and begins to dance to the song of battle like a flame flickering in a swirling wind. Constantly in motion he disappears into the swarm of vampires before erupting skyward with his blades flashing under the florescent lights. Xander moves from side to side creating a circle of opponents with him in the center continually moving from one place to another whenever the press of bodies becomes closer ready to meet the challenge with singing blades and blind fury. Yet the vampires do not quit always returning to the fight whenever Xander moves to face another threat. They land blow after blow but there is no room for pain in the swirl of anger inside the warrior; he feels the dagger knocked out of his right hand but there is no room for fear when a being is consumed with rage.  
  
The fight begins to move around the room as Xander's attacks become wilder and wilder. Soon death becomes the fights only motivation, and the young man's gaze prophesizes doom for all it falls upon. Xander push kicks a vampire away from the fray and rushes in pursuit driving into the vampire carrying the demon toward the back while trying to find the heart with his remaining dagger. His blade finds the heart just as he connects with the door shattering it into kindling and depositing him into the alley outside.  
  
The remaining vampires watch the warrior turn to face them with a feral smile fixed to his mouth. They see his chest heaving from exertion, but notice no failing of intensity, they see blood, which only a small part of is his, soaking his clothes but can see no signs of concern, and they see one young boy but can only find death in his wake. The vampires then look to their own numbers finding only a portion of their original group with many more lying on the ground clutching bloody stumps and holding together gaping wounds. It is then that the remaining vampires make the only decision their self-preserving demons can let them make; they pick up the wounded and run for their lives.  
  
Xander watches the vampires turn tail and run feeling the need to fight leave with them. Now that he is out of the barrier his anger, which had worked itself into such a blazing inferno, quickly consumes itself leaving the young man tired and weak. The remaining crimson colored dagger falls from his nerveless hand clattering to the ground splattering the alley.  
  
It takes all of Xander's remaining strength to pull himself to the alley's wall, leaving a trail of red drops behind him, onto which he falls; his back landing with a sickly wet slap. Xander slowly slides down the side of the alley before letting the darkness of exhaustion claim him.  
  
* * *  
  
End of Chapter 9 


	7. Chapter 10

Warrior of the Heart

Author: JimboS

Email: RaistlinM1@aol.com

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. They belong to a person who is much more creative than me.

Feedback: Yes please!

Author note: I moved to the past tense in this chapter, I like this way better and I hope you all do too. Also it has been a while since I last updated this story, so if you want to brush up on what has been happening the rest of this can be found at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=474395.

Dedication: This chapter is going out to all the ladies out there, actually this one goes out to Lori Bush because if I hadn't read "Secure Yourself to Heaven" I would have never written anything. And of course MJ gets a shout out.

Special Thanks: I would like to thank Wicked Raygun for the wonderful beta work. I hope that one day I won't need his corrections, but I will always value his input.

Chapter 10

The Journal of Alexander Harris

From the beginning of time the world has adhered to one simple rule for the great game of life: 'Only the Strong Survive'. The great circle of life is forever perpetuating itself and constantly improving the players. From a bacterium's battle against an antibiotic to the great African Elephants roaming across the land in search of water during drought, everything on this planet faces the challenges of life and either becomes stronger for it or they don't move on.

As human beings we have lived by the rule as well and in surviving we become stronger and better for it. We are like a piece of iron melting in a forge. Our impurities are burned away with each trip through the flame as we are hammered and shaped by the road we take. It is our journey from a brittle useless piece of ore into a shiny and strong work of art.

However, since the beginning humanity has sought to dominate nature and, in so doing, bending and breaking the rule of the Earth. Man has tempered the flame and softened the road, undermining the journey and the integrity of humanity. Over the course of history humanity has let the spirit of the trial slip away and, along with it, the warrior spirit it bred.

Pacifism has become not only accepted but also encouraged, and I want to say that it is the wrong direction for the human race, but I can't. I don't wish for anyone to experience the violence that comes from the trial by fire, but I couldn't tell you that is the reason I fight.

Oh sure, when I sit down and watch a group of children running, laughing, and playing in a park or on a front law, I feel better for carrying the standard against the army of darkness, but I can't keep that image with me for long. Eventually the laughter of children is replaced by the roar of a vampire, and the chapters of your life become punctuated by the battles you fight.

If you fight long enough, the grand purpose ceases to exist in everyday life. It just hangs in the background, staying there so long that you no longer notice it; it just is. You begin to fight for your comrades in arms who become your family, friends, and your whole world, who you trust with your life as they entrust you with theirs. 

Sometimes I want to drive into a bar by the military base and swap war stories with roughnecks and just revel in the feel of belonging, but I can't because I am on the ultimate block op. When I die, my family won't get a medal or a letter explaining how their son died in the service of humanity. I will be consigned to the Earth with the other veterans of this secret war with no fan fair and maybe a touching eulogy, but to tell you the truth, I don't want a medal or a statue in my honor. 

Besides, I don't think they would be able to get my nose right.

Xander Harris

* * * 

Awareness slowly returned to Xander as morning broke upon the town of Sunnydale, as he tried to orient himself with the outside world, his synapses started to fire anew, and a dull throbbing pain manifested itself throughout his head. His mind began to dispel the obscuring fog that filled his head, while the sun also started its arduous process of burning away the thick black clouds of pollution that emanated from distant Los Angeles and blanketed the small town during the night.

Unfortunately for Xander, the first faculty that returned to him was his sense of smell. His nostrils flared as the stale stench emanating from the piles of garbage and the puddles of urine and vomit swirled together and invaded his nose. Xander instinctively expelled the tainted air from his nose with a vehement snort and valiantly tried to push his thoughts away from the foul stench causing the faint throbbing in his head to intensify.

Through the haze he heard a distant noise that sounded in a two beat pattern. The noise sounded too far away to be important, but a small tickle in the back of his mind told him that it was something that needed his attention. Xander tried to focus his attention on the beats valiantly pressing through the fog surrounding his mind, trying to draw closer to the distant sound. 

As Xander tried to concentrate on the sound the pain in his head changed from a dull throb to a resounding crescendo, which threatened to drown out the distant knocking entirely, yet he pushed himself onward. Pushing the pain away he tried to bring the noise into focus yet the distant beating became confused and distorted by the pounding pain in his head. The pain felt like pressure surrounding his mind, bulging inward with each increase of thunderous torment and impeded his mind's progress toward the distant noise, yet he followed the distant noise with a dogged determination.

It took Xander five minutes to identify the noise as footsteps, another two minutes to figure out that the footsteps were getting closer, and a full minute for his brain to finally figure out that approaching footsteps was a bad thing. Something about the footsteps did not seem right; yet the more he struggled to wrap his mind around the problem the further away it withdrew. 

He tried to open his eyes to identify the approaching person yet as soon as the light hit his retina the constant dull throb became a white hot blinding inferno of screaming brain cells. Xander quickly snapped his eyes shut, blocking out the light and plunging himself back into soothing darkness. 

On instinct, Xander tried to tap into his center to find the power and concentration needed to send his consciousness outward to identify whom the approaching footsteps belonged to, but he was met with a strange feeling. Xander felt nothing; there was no warm glow, no peaceful calm, and no rolling, thundering inner strength that always seemed to reach out to caress and comfort. Instead he only found empty space, a cold nothingness without life or movement.

After a few minutes of wallowing in the cold nothingness where he once found such comfort and strength, Xander found that the cavernous void was not entirely lifeless. In the center of the cold space resided a small flame where there once was an inferno. The flame flickered and danced like a candle in the wind winking in and out of existence, keeping the same tempo as the constant throbbing in the back of the young man's head.

Xander focused all of his energy on to the dancing flame, pushing it outward when it sparked and kept it steady when it winked causing the dull throb to once again escalate into a steady pounding. In spite of that, he continued to try to coax the flame into a fire by pushing himself through the pain, the pounding pain increasing in tempo and intensity.

Xander devoted himself to the flame with unwavering intensity, watching it grow at an excruciatingly slow pace while the explosive pain ceased to come in bludgeoning beats and became a burning sword of anguish cutting into his resolve and severing his concentration. He let his focus slip away, as the slicing searing pain once again became a rhythm of bone crushing beat. The bludgeoning broke Xander's concentration completely, forcing him to slip away from his center only to find that the stranger was far too close. 

* * *

Of course while the outside word was not privy to Xander's internal struggle, it was made apparent when he began to thrash and struggle against imaginary bindings while pained pitiful moans escaped his lips. The sudden commotion drew the attention of the stranger, who had unwittingly started the entire struggle. The stranger warily approached the struggling young man, the normal quick two beats separated by a slight apprehensive pause.

The stranger tried to move forward quietly, yet the footsteps seemed to echo harshly off of the brick alley in abrasive, abrupt beats that a normally lucid Xander would have identified as the distinctive sound of high-heeled shoes. The red leather shoes cautiously approached Xander, who continued to thrash about like a hooked marlin. Xander's struggling seemed to increase when the stranger grew closer then suddenly the young man quieted and ceased to move entirely.

Fearing the worst the strange quickly moved to Xander's side and kneeled down to cradle the young man's head while feeling for a pulse. 

"Xander. Wake up, Xander," intoned the feminine voice softly, while she gently slapped his cheeks. "Xander, you need to wake up because this alley really smells and I'm going to have to go and take a shower before school starts, and by the smell of it so could you."

Her slender fingers threaded themselves through Xander's dark hair, stiff with dried sweat and blood, straightening the tangles with a caring touch while she continued to lightly slap his cheeks causing them to turn a soft pink. The slaps only served to elicit more groans from Xander as the outside stimulus increased the strain on his concentration, making the pain increase as well.

The girl began to increase the strength of her slaps trying to bring the young man back from unconsciousness. The soft pink became a ruddy red as the blows fell heavier, yet her other hand continued to gently stroke Xander's head smoothing his hair and wiping his forehead. 

"Please, wake up, Xander," she said gently as she pulled her hand back to strike him again, "I don't know how much harder I can hit you without leaving a bruise and school pictures are coming up." 

It just so happened that Xander did 'wake up' when the stranger spoke, but he did not notice the pleading. Instead, his brain was focused on the pain from his cheek and the feeling of imminent danger. With that, his instincts took over.

Like a striking viper, his hand shot forward to grab the descending hand by the wrist; then he slid beneath the space created by the raised arm. Xander's movement showed no sign of the grace his movements normally exuded; instead, he scurried under the attacking appendage like a wounded rodent. His feet flailed about, trying to propel him around the obstacle, sometimes gripping but more often than not slipping, sending the attached leg outward and dropping his body painfully on his hip or ribs. Through the frantic scramble, Xander maintained his vice-like grip on his perceived opponent's wrist, dragging it with him around the stranger's back and wedging it against her, causing pain to spike in her shoulder. 

It took a full minute for the insistent moans and whines coming from the trapped stranger to penetrate the last remnants of the fog that remained wrapped around Xander's mind. With a violent shake of his head, Xander cleared away the fog and focused his mind on his surroundings. When he was finally lucid, he found himself kneeling in a layer of garbage in the alley outside the bronze, holding an all too familiar person in a hammerlock

"Cordelia! What are you doing here," exclaimed Xander letting go of her wrist like it had burnt him.

Cordelia regained her footing and turned to face her assailant while working her arm around in circles and rubbing her shoulder trying to massage away the echoes of the pain and loosen the tensed muscles. 

"You didn't show up at Giles, and I was worried, so I went out to look for you when morning broke. And what was with the Bruce Lee impression?"

"I'm sorry, Cordelia. I didn't know it was you," said Xander as he tried to regain his footing; however, as he changed his elevation, his vision of Cordelia shifted and bucked sending his head swimming and his legs buckling underneath him. Luckily, the alley wall was close behind him; so instead of landing painfully back in the squalor, he ended up slamming his back against the wall and remaining propped up against it.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good," asked Cordelia with a frown although she was already fairly sure of the answer. 

She watched Xander lean heavily against the brick wall of the alley, propped up beside a large, wide, red mark that ran down the side of the wall and stopping before reaching the ground. The strange graffiti was left the previous night when Xander collapsed against the wall splattering the wall with the viscous liquid. His clothes, covered with the blood of his enemies and a little from himself, were more crimson than dye and felt stiff and course against his skin while his hair stuck to his forehead from sweat and blood with annoying tenacity. His dark red tinged hair stood out in stark relief against his pale skin, making the shadow under his cheekbones stand out and his face look gaunt and wan.

"I'm fine, just a little tired. I just need to rest for an hour or two or ten," answered Xander with his customary crooked grin that only ended up looking broken when worn with his currently sallow features. His unhealthy appearance and flippant remark made Cordelia's frown deepen and her gaze intensify.

Xander's nervous habit emerged under Cordelia's gaze, as he reached into his pocket to draw comfort from the familiar feel of his daggers. His fingers did not find the customary cool caress of the dagger's pommel; instead, his fingers clasped air and felt nothing. 

Xander panicked. The absence of the daggers felt too much like the nothingness that resided in his core. He began to search the ground frantically looking for the telltale silvery sheen of the weapon. Xander scoured the filthy alley floor while his stomach contorted itself into a complicated pattern of knots until he finally spotted the precious weapon lying in a pile of garbage next to him.

"What is going on, Xander?" asked Cordelia making Xander jump and the knots in his stomach to straighten abruptly and then immediately curl and knot up again, which was not a pleasant experience.

Cordelia's smiled at Xander's reaction to her question, happy in the fact that she scared him almost as much as he scared her earlier. However the smile did not stay long, because when he jumped he lost the support of the alley and fell to his hands and knees in the pile of garbage beside him. Luckily, Xander had the presence of mind to grab the dagger and hastily slip it into his pocket and the harness strapped to his thigh, covering up the move by holding the blade against his forearm while pushing himself up into a kneeling position. 

Xander tried standing up again; but, luckily, instead of falling against the wall again, he was met by Cordelia's delicate hands. With her help, he was able to stand up straight.

"Maybe I should just try and keep still for a while. My legs have either gone on strike or have amnesia."

"Actually, why don't we find a place to sit," said Cordelia as she led Xander to the door of the Bronze. Xander replied by giving Cordelia a grateful smile and then allowed her to lead him forward.

The sight that greeted them when Cordelia opened the door was a surprise to both of the spectators as their eyes took in the carnage that purveyed the scene. Tables and chairs were strewn about the room, some pieces of furniture standing upright while the majority were overturned in some way either on a side or upside down and, in one special case, a table tilted at a strange angle held up by several crooked chairs. Blood was splattered across the room; crimson lines running across the dark walls making them look like modern art pieces.

Cordelia's eyes traveled across the scene until they finally came to rest upon Xander who's face had turned cold and even except for his eyes that seemed to be a mixture of bewilderment and fear.

Holy shit! Did I do this?

"What happened here?" asked Cordelia when she finally found the ability to speak through the lump that had formed in her throat at the sight of the carnage. "It looks like a hurricane hit here, or they held a shoe sale after we left."

"I'm not exactly sure what really happened. Everything is a blur," responded Xander as he played for time. "I remember getting separated from you guys when we made our get away. I tried to run and find you guys but instead I ran into a bunch of thugs hanging out in one of the alleys. Literally, I ran right into the leader and knocked him onto his ass, right in front of his gang. But instead of accepting my apology, he thought it would be fun to see if he could spell out his name, which was William, in my chest with the biggest knife I've ever seen. I mean his name couldn't have been named Will or something for short? But no, I had to knock over a psychopathic, knife wielding, killer, who happens to like a challenge. So I ran."

Xander feigned a spell of momentary weakness and moved slower than necessary over to an overturned chair and righted it, giving his mind time to fill in the rest of the blanks of his fictitious tale, before he took his seat and resumed the story.

"I ran away without knowing or caring where I was going. I was too busy trying to lose the bloodthirsty gang behind me, and, unfortunately, I ended up right back at the Bronze where I started. Although, I guess you could say that it was fortunate because when I made it inside I found some of the gang of vampires waiting for me. Well when two bloodthirsty gangs meet the only thing that can happen is bloodshed because I remember the gangs fighting it out when both laid claim to me. I think I was able to crawl out during the confusion, but I don't really remember when or how."

For effect Xander ran a hand through his hair and looked at the dried flakes of blood that coated his hand with a wry smile, "I guess it's safe to say that I saw at least a little action."

"I wonder who won," asked Cordelia as she searched the room for some non-existent clues as to what happened last night. 

"There doesn't seem to be any dust piles around, and since the weapon of choice for most of those guys wasn't a wooden stake, I'm thinking that we're going to be seeing a new group of vamps joining the ranks."

Xander was watching Cordelia walk through the room, righting chairs and avoiding large bloodstains, when he spotted a glint of metal. His other missing dagger was lying beside an overturned table that was luckily blocking Cordelia's view of the weapon. As quietly as possible, Xander stood up and walked over to the dagger. He knelt down behind the table to retrieve it then started to slide it into his pocket and the harness underneath.

"Xander, where are you," asked Cordelia loudly with more than a hint of worry. Xander jumped slightly behind the table and almost stabbed himself in the leg with the razor sharp weapon. 

"I'm over here," said Xander as he stood up from behind the table. "I was looking around and slipped on a bit of blood. I think it'd be a good idea to outta here before we leave clues that are too big for even the Sunnydale PD to ignore. Besides, I need to get home to clean up before school starts and maybe catch a nap before I have to go to class and take my naps."

Xander and Cordelia carefully made their way to the back door then walked out of the alley and into the early morning streets of Sunnydale. Just when Xander turned to leave, Cordelia grabbed him by the shoulder, then spun him around to look him in the eye before surprising Xander by kissing him quickly and passionately.

"That was for not dying."

She then quickly turned and walked away as if nothing happened, leaving Xander touching his lips and staring at her retreating form, until he finally let out a sharp laugh, a mixture of amusement and astonishment, turned around and walked toward his house.

* * *

"Xander, where have you been?" shouted Willow when the young man entered through the school library's double doors and threw his backpack onto a nearby table. 

Xander barely had time to plant his feet and bend his knees before the red head barreled into him and wrapped her arms around his chest. Xander felt his legs begin to weaken and threaten to buckle under the sudden change to his equilibrium point, so he turned with the impact and spun the slight young girl around once before depositing her back where she had been. The shower had quick nap he had taken before walking to school had gone a long way in reviving Xander's exhausted mind and body, but he still moved too slow for his own liking. Xander also found that all of his efforts to rejuvenate himself through meditation were met with the same psyche pounding results as his early morning jaunt into his center had.

"Cordelia went in search of you," said Giles from the upper level of the library. "I hope she was able to find you."

Xander let go of Willow, who began to carefully inspect her friend for any sort of injury from punctures to the neck to cuts and bruises, and looked at Giles incredulously before answering in a voice laced with sarcasm. 

"Yeah, she found me. Of course, sending out a beautiful teenaged girl in high heels to wander the streets of Sunnydale during the dawn when every vampire and demon are looking for a little someone to grab and hold onto for a light lunch would not have been my first choice in strategy. I mean if you really wanted to give a present to the undead, say it with diamonds."

Giles' mouth fell open at the young man's unexpected criticism. The realization that he had taken a risk without even contemplating the consequences was a heavy blow to the librarian's self-confidence. He had been trained to think of everything yet when one of his self-appointed charges were in danger he lost his head and gave in to his impulse and endangered another, but what hurt the most was that Giles knew that he would do it again. 

It might have been different, if it was Buffy. The slayer had a duty and a destiny along with the supernatural powers to help carry out that duty, but his other children, and that was how he saw them, were under no such obligation. He was forced to watch them fight with no powers or duty making the risks they took even greater.

With Giles awash in his own guilt and inner turmoil, he did not respond to Xander's accusation, so instead the task fell to Willow, who took up the mantle with vigor. The first thing that she did was to reach back as far as she could with her right hand before bringing it forward to slap a completely surprised and off-guard Xander. The second thing she did was burst into tears.

"How dare you accuse us of endangering others while trying to help you," she shouted at the stunned young man. "Weren't you the one who went charging into the Master's liar in search of Buffy? What did you think was going to happen to you if he had still been down there?"

Willow's tears continued to flow freely while her voice began to take on a hysterical urgency as she continued. "We didn't know if you were dead or dying somewhere calling for help. I've already lost one of my best friends to this damned town and I don't ever want to lose another, especially when we can do something to stop it."

After she finished, Willow fell forward into another embrace, gripping her best friend like a vice, and now it was Xander's turn to look guilty and hurt. Tenderly, Xander held onto his best friend, letting her soak the front to of his shirt, while tracing his hand along the curve of her back and whispering quiet comforts over and over. When Willow's tears finally subsided, Xander gently grasped her shoulders and moved backward to arms length.

"You're right. I'm so sorry. I kind of need to apologize to someone right now, can you give me a minute?"

"Okay, I need to go wash my face anyway," replied Willow with a nervous laugh, as she wiped at her tear stained face.

Xander watched Willow leave through the double doors with a sad smile and continued to watch as the doors swung back and forth, allowing only brief glimpses of his best friend. He wanted to chase after her and thank her for being so true, for caring so hard, and for loving so much, but instead he only watched and smiled. 

The doors finally lost their momentum, leaving Xander with the varnished wood and two small windows in his vision. Xander turned and faced the man standing on the other side of the room. He could have sworn that he saw a tear in the librarian's eye, but bring it up would only embarrass the stoic Englishman. 

"Funny thing about having a genius for a best friend, they always seem to be right."

Giles nodded instead of speaking, not trusting his voice to escape past the knot in his throat.

"I would've done the same thing in your place, and I would expect you to do the same thing for her or anyone else. You guys are my friends, hell my family, and I would do anything to see them safe. Actually, now that I think about it, I have done some pretty stupid things trying to do that. I guess what you did would kind of be considered amateurish compared to me."

Giles took a few more seconds to fight back the lump in his throat before swallowing it down and saying, "I was trained as a watcher to make a command decision when a member of my team was in danger. I was taught that the welfare of the team out weighs the life of the one, but I have stopped being in command of a team a long time ago. Instead, I have become the quasi-father to a band of innocent teenagers who are not watchers and who I am responsible for, and in so doing I can no long make the decisions my training dictates. The only decision I can make is to see you all safe and I know that that is not a decision, it is a dream."

"A dream that you will see come true," said Xander as he extended his hand toward the librarian. "Besides, maybe the Hellmouth is just weird enough for the odds to be screwed up in our favor."

Giles grasped the young man's hand, shook it firmly and could not help but laugh when faced with such youthful exuberance. "Indeed, if the laws of nature can be warped here, why not the laws of averages?"

"So when did Buffy show up last night," asked Xander with a smile, which instantly straightened and hardened when Giles could no longer met his gaze and started to examine his shoes.

"She still hasn't checked in. We were hoping that you went after her last night and were both together."

"I guess this is the part where you tell me that she can take care of herself and then I go anyway," said Xander as he turned to walk out the door. "I'll be back when I find her and then maybe we can have a talk about the burden of command."

Xander barely reached the doors when they swung open and connected with his hastily blocking forearms, sending the young man reeling backwards under the impact from the door, which caused his legs to buckle slightly and his feet to cross, stopping his retreat by painfully falling on his tailbone. Willow energetically entered the library with Cordelia and Buffy, who was still carrying the wooden box containing the Judge's arm, trailing behind her. The three young ladies were busy recounting the events of their night with Cordelia being the focus of the discussion as she described what happened that morning.

"So I find him passed out in the alley behind the Bronze with a blood all over him, so I try and wake him up by slapping him, you know like they do for football players, and what does he do? He attacks me before he even wakes up! Don't ask me what happened, all I know is that one moment his eyelids fluttered and the next he is behind me ready to dislocate my shoulder. So I'm yelling at him trying to… Xander what are you doing down there?"

Xander was sitting on the floor watching Cordelia giving her narration of the morning that would raise several questions that he did not want to tell lies for. Xander was truly getting tired of lying to his friends; he had been doing it so much lately that he had almost forgot why he started doing it in the first place, but he continued to tell his lies and continued to feel like an ass about it.

"I was on my way out, when I was attacked by the door. I was about to stake it when you walked in," said Xander as he stood up with a small groan. 

"Well, it's a good thing that we showed up in time to save the door from meeting its maker, " said Buffy with a small smile that soon faded as she searched the room.

"Has Angel shown up yet?"

"No, we believed he was still with you," said Giles as he walked over and took the box from the slayer.

"He was, but when I woke up this morning he was gone, and I was hoping that he came here early to help and didn't want to wake me,"

"Wait a minute, 'when you woke up'," said Xander causing Buffy to blush slightly.

For a brief moment jealousy and anger burned within Xander, but the pounding headache returned just as fast along with a pulsing in his chest. Xander clenched his fist, driving his fingernails into his palms letting the pain draw his attention, while he took in a few deep calming breaths; effectively calming the fire in his core that threatened to consume him like kindling.

"We ran into some more vampire goons last night and we ended up having to run back to Angel's place. We stayed there to protect the piece of the Judge," responded Buffy in a tone that implied that further questions would not only not be tolerated but would more than likely be met with bodily harm. Xander could not help but wish that he knew how to do that, but he was pretty sure that the ability was either genetic or gender based.

"Well, I'm sure that he's okay," said Willow in an attempt to comfort her friend. "I mean Angel isn't the type of guy who gets into trouble, except of course the time when…"

Willow's blossoming babble was preempted by an animalistic roar from the back of the library followed by a lone vampire springing from behind a bookcase. Buffy's hand quickly felt her pockets for a stake and cursed when she did not find one, while the rest of the gang scattered to stand behind tables and prepare for more vampires in what they thought was a full blown attack. Xander heard Buffy's curse from behind him as he hustled Cordelia and Willow toward tables and quickly reached into his backpack and grabbed a stake, which he threw in a high arc toward the slayer.

"Heads up!"

The stake completed its downward arc directly in front of Buffy, who snatched it up and brought it to bear against the charging vampire. 

"Message for you," said the vampire. He threw a piece of rolled up paper at the slayer's face and continued his charge in the hopes of surprising her. However Buffy ducked the projectile and jabbed outward with her stake letting the vampire drive himself onto it.

The vampire fell to the ground with a groan that faded away as he disintegrated into dust, allowing the stake to fall to the wooden floor with a hollow clatter. Buffy bent down and picked up the scroll of paper that the vampire had left behind. With the vampire dispatched and no other signs of another attack the others moved to see what the message was.

"Another love note from Spike?" asked Xander as he bent down to retrieve his stake not noticing the tears pooling in Buffy's eyes.

"They have Angel, and they want to trade him for the rest of the Judge."

* * *

End of Chapter 10

What did you think? I can't fix anything if I don't know what I did wrong, so give me some feedback.


	8. Chapter 11

Warrior of the Heart

Author: JimboS

Email: Raistlinm1@aol.com

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any Mutant Enemy characters, so quit saying I do.

Author's note: I'm starting to flesh out this amorphous power that I have gifted unto our favorite everyman, and to me that means finding the downside. Hopefully this doesn't fall under the mindless action category when people read this. I'm actually trying to find a sense of story with it.

Dedication: This chapter is an apology to everyone who invested themselves into the story and felt disappointed when I stopped writing. I hope I can maintain my writing over the summer, but I want everyone who reviewed to know that it has meant a lot to me. 

Also Wicked Raygun should be thanked for his excellent beta work.

* * *

Chapter 11

__

The Journal of Alexander Harris

It seems that every child at some point in his or her life has an imaginary friend. I remember that Willow's imaginary friend's name was Mr. Bundlebaum; he used to quiz her on the books she would read, be the teacher when she played school, or just talk to her about the thematic messages of Curious George. She needed someone to share the joy that learning something gave her, so she made her own study buddy. I guess it just goes to show that the mind will provide what the heart desires, especially when the rules of the world are still young and green enough to bend without breaking.

I remember I had two imaginary friends, named Mr. and Mrs. Goodman; they used to sit and talk with me about my day after I grabbed a snack from the top shelf where my mom would put the cookies. They would read me stories before bed that I would tell to Willow when I saw her the next day and sometimes we would just sit and watch TV together. I'm not stupid, I know that I was looking for parents and looking back I'm lucky that I never talked to the Goodman's when I was at school or in front of Willow's psychologist parents. I'm pretty sure that the signs of neglect and a poor home life couldn't have been clearer, if I was walked through the town square next to a large man screaming, "boy for sale!"

I don't think I was just looking for parents, because I never talked to them when I was with someone else. I just needed someone to talk to, to know someone was there because I couldn't deal with being alone. Without the sound of Mr. and Mrs. Goodman's voices or the sight of them next to me, everything was too quiet and the only person to talk to was myself. Although I guess, technically, I actually was talking to myself.

There is something about being alone in a quiet place that frees a person from all of the lies and stories that they tell themselves to make it through the day. When I was alone, I couldn't keep telling myself that Mom was too busy buying me a present to be home when I finished school, or that Dad was going to take us out to dinner to celebrate his promotion when he came home, or that we were a happy family.

I guess that is why it took me so long to figure out how to shield myself from the outside world. It's comforting to feel everyone's emotions wash over you like a spring shower. Everyone's life force seems to mix together and sometimes I swear I can hear the rhythm of the world beating in my head and resonating in my core. I don't have to lie to myself when I say that everything is okay, because I can feel it and know that I am really no different.

Everyone is unsure of themselves, everyone is searching for their place, and everyone is scared of the future, especially in a town like Sunnydale. People may be able to lie to each other about what they see in this place, but deep down I think they know. There is a feeling that you just can't shake when you're in this town; it's an urgency in the air, like the unnerving calm that sets in right before the storm hits. The only problem is that they aren't on the edge of a storm; they're in the eye of a hurricane. 

I guess now that I can stop the buzzing I can finally find out who I am and what I can be. I can confront the silence instead of running from it and in doing so stop lying to myself and finally figure out the truth, "you can't make your family a happy family, you can only pick who you call family."

Xander Harris

* * *

A run down, rusty van made its rumbling and stuttering journey through the foul industrial streets on the west side of Sunnydale. The jarring visual of the uneven mismatching paint surrounding asymmetrical rust spots was only exacerbated by the dark shadows cast by the old and broken streetlights as they passed. Inside of the rumbling van the unlikely group of demon hunters sat in quiet resolve, hesitant to violate the sanctity of the silence. 

Willow sat with her back to the wall of the van, directly behind the driver seat, running her fingers along the grains on the crossbow at her feet. She wanted to say something, anything, but she could not make herself do it. She really wanted to thank Oz for agreeing to drive for them, she wanted to tell Buffy that she was doing the right thing, and she wanted to ask Xander what the hell his problem was.

Her best friends looked so strange to her at that moment. Buffy sat to her right, absently inspecting her crossbow, checking the mechanisms over and over again, but the slayer was miles away. Miles ahead to be more exact. Playing out the exchange, figuring out how it would all come to pass and what she was risking by playing their game. The Slayer's eyes shifted around the room as she envisioned each of her friend's deaths if she messed up tonight. 

Willow watched Xander sitting against the wall across from Buffy, but he was not staring at her like she noticed he had a habit of doing; instead, he had his head lowered, not making eye contact with anyone. He just sat with his legs crossed loosely, with his knees jutting outward and his elbows resting on them. His hands came together in his lap where his fingers were playing with the large wooden cross and a quickly carved stake that had been given to him. He was also rocking slightly from side to side as he continued to twirl the cross and stake between his fingers. The movement was so small Willow almost missed it when set against the back drop of the moving van, but it was there and oddly hypnotic.

Willow almost expected Buffy to be this quiet and cold, but seeing the same behavior in Xander was too strange. She couldn't understand it. He had been acting so different ever since he came back after being separated last night. It was like somebody had replaced their Xander, leaving behind a perfect Xander facsimile, but without the happy or carefree personality. Going into such a dangerous mission without his confidence and eager attitude was throwing her off her game, and judging from the way Buffy kept her eyes lingering on Xander more than the others; it was bothering her too.

Xander did not notice either of his friends looking at him so intently, but he was well aware of their concern. The entire van was infected with doubt and despair; it hung in the air, filled his lungs and clogged his throat. He was surprised that it was not physically clinging to the walls. He did not possess enough energy to shield himself and still be prepared in the event that the situation turned south; so putting up a shield to block the emotions of his friends was not an option. To make things worse, the energy from the judge was also plaguing him. 

He was so tired from last night's melee and just wanted to curl up and sleep, or at least engage in some high level restorative meditation, but there was not enough time nor privacy for either. He was only able to attempt some relaxation techniques and a few minor exercises meant to stimulate the mind and invigorate the body, but the sheer amount of disheartened emotions washing over him was making the task difficult.

When they finally reached their destination, he was so anxious to get away from the emotional assault that he was outside and holding open the doors for the others before the van was even put into park. His apparent eagerness earned him a few strange looks and furrowed brows from the women inside.

"Uhm…my legs were cramped," he half-heartedly explained, with a smile that belied the fact that he was kicking himself for giving such a horrible answer.

"Whatever, I don't see why anyone would be in a hurry to get to this place," said Cordelia, as she climbed out of the van. "Aside from the whole obvious trap thing, could it be any uglier?"

The imposing edifice was an unattractive landmark in a world of unsightliness. Its chipped gray paint was interwoven with large cracks and holes in the cement walls made wider and longer through the years. The worst damage surrounded the main doors that looked to be made out of several pieces of plywood; the area was blackened with lines of light gray highlighting the soot covered wall, a spider web of tiny cracks that radiated from the doorframe that showed the cement wall's inner color.

"This appears to be the same building that was burned the other night," said Giles, as he closed the passenger door of the van carrying a loaded crossbow.

"So do we just knock?" asked Xander while staring at the building he had visited two nights ago. It looked different in the day. 

"Since this is obviously a trap it would be reasonable to assume that the front door would not…be the most suitable entrance," he finished lamely. His words of warning were lost on Buffy, who was already out of the van and approaching the thin wooden doors, not waiting for her friends to follow.

The others quickly moved to follow the slayer with Cordelia trying to stay close to Xander and Willow staying back to be next to Oz. Buffy paused momentarily at the door to let the others pull up next to her.

"When we get in there, let me handle this. If anything goes wrong grab the box and get out," she said, giving each member of the group a stare, long enough to make sure they understood.

After receiving a nod from everyone, along with a few dropped eyes, Buffy pushed open the makeshift door and stepped into the darkened factory. The group stopped just inside the entrance, standing in a wedge of sunlight spilling out from the open door into the dim factory, allowing their eyes to adjust to the change in light.

"Are you lot going to stand there all day?" asked a voice from inside. "No manners in this new generation, eh love? They can't even close a damn door."

Buffy closed the door and surveyed the area, looking for signs of life in the gloom. The flickering glow emanating from the lights hanging overhead cast menacing shadows across the already severe furnishing. Straight-backed chairs surrounded a matching long, dark wooden table, and a twisted metal stair rose from the ground, connecting to a crisscrossed set of platforms and walkways. 

The double click of heeled shoes echoed through the open space of the factory as Drusilla exited the shadows that were underneath the stairs, pushing a wheelchair bound Spike in front of her. Three other forms separated themselves from the shadows cast onto the right wall: two vampires standing on either side of a bound and gagged Angel, forcing him into the light to stand beside the two master vampires.

"I take it you are willing to make a deal," said Spike as he wheeled himself to Angel. 

"Yeah, give Angel to us and then we give you the Judge," Buffy said, while trying to make eye contact with Angel.

"Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I just stake myself and save you the trouble?" asked Spike with contempt. "I'm crippled not stupid, slayer. I give you the ponce, and you take off with the boy and the box. Not exactly a fair trade."

"Okay, whatever, same time," said Buffy as she put the box on the floor, placed her foot on it, and pushed it half way between the two factions.

"Fine, send him across," Spike said with a nod to the two vampires holding Angel.

The vampire on Angel's left reached into his jacket and brought out a long curved knife, grasping it underhand he brought it up next to his head and with a quick downward strike, which caused a gasp from Buffy, the vampire slashed the ropes binding Angel's hands. The vampire on his right removed the gag and kicked Angel into the space between.

On shaking legs, Angel wobbled toward Buffy and the wooden box. With only two steps between him and the box, Buffy raised her crossbow, fired at Drusilla and broke into a run toward Angel and the piece of the Judge.

However, she stopped in her tracks when the bolt halted its motion in the middle of its flight to the master vampire, resting in Angel's pale hand.

"Now, now, now. That wasn't very sporting, now was it?" said Angel in a faux reprimanding tone, as he snapped the bolt with his thumb.

"Angel?" she uttered quietly and uneasily.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?" she asked with more conviction.

"What, you need me to put on another jersey or something? I'm switching sides," Angel answered condescendingly, as he picked up the box containing the judge.

"How could you? I thought we had…" she finished quietly, not knowing what to say.

"We had what?" he asked loudly, "Something special? A good time? Hell, I didn't even have that! I wait all that time, act so damn nice, to get in your tight, little pants, and gotta say, wasn't worth it."

"How could you?" she asked, with tears in her voice. 

"Well, it was surprisingly easy, now that I think about it," Angel replied. "I guess that was why it was so bad. I mean this silly little girl keeping her knees together tighter than a nun on Sunday, and then a few kind words and a bed and you're ready to scream my name."

"This isn't you," Buffy exclaimed angrily, getting ready to launch herself at him.

"As much as I love watching this little lover's spat, we need to be on our way," called Spike from across the hall. "And since it looks like we'll be getting the Judge and Angelus, I'll have to give you something else."

"What should we give her, Ducks?" he asked the master vampire, who was watching the proceeding with rapt attention.

"Make her bleed. Make them all bleed." She answered softly.

"Good idea," he said, and clapped his hands loudly.

Five more forms detached themselves from the shadows surrounding the room: three coming from the left, and two from the catwalks above.

"Sounds like my boys here ran into a spot of trouble during the last errand I sent them on, but they seem more than eager to make up for it," he said as he rolled to Drusilla and took her hand. "Oh, and Wonder-boy, they're especially happy to see you again. Enjoy!"

The still room erupted into motion as everything started happening at once. Buffy ran toward Angel only to be stopped by a vampire landing in front of her from the platform above. Giles shot a crossbow bolt into the heart of one of the vampires that had been holding Angel. It exploded into dust with a supernatural shriek. Willow tried her luck with her own shot but missed by about two inches, driving her bolt into the vampire's left shoulder. Cordelia tried to grab at Xander's arm to keep him close, but he shrugged her off and threw her his cross as he made a break for a stack of pipes off to the right.

Spike and Drusilla quickly moved to a manhole cover in the floor. Drusilla pulled off the heavy metal cover with one hand and climbed down first with Spike going second, relying on the supernatural strength in his arms to climb down. A wheelchair and a few vampires were waiting at the bottom of the ladder ready to help him into his means of escape. Angel followed closely behind carrying the box containing Judge's arm.

"Do you really think they'll win against a slayer?" Spike asked Angelus as he stepped off the ladder.

"Of course not, but we will," he answered. "Besides, what are minions for?"

The master vampires made their escapes leaving the room behind embroiled in battle.

* * *

Buffy drove her stake forward, trying to end the fight quickly and continue the chase, but her strike was unfocused and the vampire was expecting such a maneuver. The vampire simply turned his hips and let the stake pass in front of him. He grabbed the slayer's wrist and brought it down onto his knee jarring the stake from her hand. 

The demon's triumphant grin was short lived however. Buffy shifted her feet to bring one foot behind him and used her superior strength to push him down with her trapped arm. As she followed his movements down, using her arm as leverage, her other arm went behind her back to another stake stuck into her belt and struck at the demon's heart. The stake moved with unerring accuracy toward its target only to be stopped by two cold hands.

A second vampire had arrived, and he twisted Buffy's arm back causing her to be pulled to the ground, but she continued the action and used her momentum to roll through and end up on her feet, holding a stake and facing two grinning vampires.

* * *

Giles tried to reload his crossbow as quickly as possible as he watched a vampire from the left charge him, but his haste caused him to fumble the bolt. His heart fell into his stomach at the same time as his stomach tried to move into his throat, as he watched the projectile tumble to the ground. A glance at the closing vampire dashed any hope of loading another bolt before his throat would be ripped out, so he spread his feet a little wider, bent his knees, cocked his wrists, and braced himself for the impending confrontation.

When the vampire's grasping hands were inches from his throat, the watcher swung his crossbow at the head of the demon. Swinging arms, snapping wrists, and twisting torso all worked in harmony to smash the medieval weapon into the vampire's skull with all of the strength in his body. The vampire reeled to the side, his vision blurred and his ears wringing.

Giles pulled out a cross and a stake from his jacket and closed in on the dazed vampire to end the fight quickly.

* * *

Xander sprinted toward the stack of metal pipes and bars thrown haphazardly in the corner of the factory, a quick examination of the situation did not look good. There were too many enemies and too many liabilities to engage the vampires head on. While he was busy fighting, the others would be left fighting one on one, which could end tragically. 

So he pumped his legs as fast as he could, ignoring the aching muscles that were still sore from last nights fight and sleeping in an alley, in search of a weapon that would let him take on multiple enemies and keep him in a position to aide his friends. He skidded to a halt next to the heap of metal with a protesting squeak from the rubber soles of his shoes. A quick search produced a fairly straight and thick metal pipe that would give him reach in a confrontation and let him engage more enemies at once. 

Xander looked back toward his friends to see two vampires circling them. One vampire was holding a bloody crossbow bolt in his right hand and his left arm hung loosely at his side. Willow was trying to load another bolt, while Oz and Cordelia kept their crosses raised to keep the vampires from charging. A grunt and another squeak of rubber on concrete signaled the young man's charge. 

Xander's movements went unnoticed by the bloodthirsty demons; their focus was on a couple of easy kills shaking in front of them. It was not until the vampire holding the ensanguined crossbow bolt felt the pipe strike his wrist, forcing the bolt to fall to the ground from a nerveless hand, that he noticed the young man. A second blow followed, driving into his left kidney and sending the vampire to the ground. 

The vampire was back on his feet in a flash, a growl emanating from his core, his confusion and frustration only fuelling his uncontrolled rage. He turned to find the culprit of the surprise attack, and found the boy from last night engaged with his companion, the boy's back was to him and his neck was deliciously exposed. The vampire smiled the smile of a supreme predator as he charged the boy, visions of flowing blood and strangled screams driving him to act.

* * *

Buffy couldn't catch her breath. Too much was happening; she was alone, and she did not know why. He could not have meant what he said. It could not have been him. Something must have happened to him. He would never… The only thing that felt normal was the feeling of her fist colliding with flesh and bone as she fought for her life.

The two vampires were good, they fought together, and they fought hard. Every strike was potentially fatal, and Buffy found herself on her heals more often than not. She could not focus on the fight, not completely. Her opponent's faces were not their own; they would morph into his face. The face that she wanted desperately to see again but dreaded at the same time.

She saw the punch coming too late, as it flew toward her face. She barely had time to align her body to receive the blow before the fist connected and the pain rushed the short distance to her brain. Buffy rocked back on her heels and took a few steps back as white pinpricks of light burst in front of her eyes.

The pain faded quickly, but it served its purpose. Buffy snapped out of her self imposed torture with a violent shake of her head that brought the pain back and gave her something else to focus on: revenge.

Buffy watched the vampires charge her with a new perspective; they were not just vampires, they were the heartless demons that were destroying her life. They were the reason why she was in a dirty warehouse fighting for her life while she should have been in a school fighting off sleep.

The next punch came from her right, and she knocked it away with such force that the beast actually spun on his axis only to be folded over the slayer's shin as she drove it into his stomach with a crippling force. His companion did not fare any better as Buffy brought her leg back and loaded it for another strike. The thrust kick that followed landed squarely on the vampire's right hip, fracturing the demon's pelvis and sending the unfortunate beast to the ground.

The first vampire was on his knees for only a second as he felt his battered organs and broken ribs begin their mystic healing. He rose to his feet in time to see the punch that was destined for his already fractured ribs and caught a glimpse of the next one that slammed home again, but he failed to see the stake that plunged into his chest and his waiting heart.

The second vampire succumbed to the Slayer's fury as well, literally unable to stand against her final attack.

* * *

Giles went for a quick kill while his opponent was incapacitated, but his opponent was not as stunned as he assumed. The strike was halted by a crushing grip on the watcher's wrist. The vampire jerked him forward by his captured arm, but the librarian used the force of the pull to drive his shoulder into the vampire sending them both to the ground.

Giles hit the ground with a grunt as the air was forced out of his lungs. Like a crocodile with a struggling victim, he thrashed about until the grip on his wrist was broken. Desperate to stay off of the ground where the vampire's superior strength would give him an even greater advantage, he rolled to his right and tried to stand, but he was tackled before he could regain his footing.

The watcher panicked as he hit the ground again and rolled onto his back with the demon resting above him, its yellowed fangs and putrid breath inches from his face. His hand shot forward once again, trying to drive his stake into the vampire's heart, but his effort was met with the same response, his wrist crushed in the demon's preternaturally strong grip. 

Giles pressed the cross in his other hand against the vampire's face, making the demon's cheek smoke and burn beneath the holy symbol. A backhanded slap broke his concentration long enough for another hand to clamp down on his wrist and pull the artifact from the burning, undead flesh. His arms were pinned against his chest, hopelessly trapped by the unmatched strength of the vampire; its fiendish visage split into a grin as it started to lower its face toward the watcher's neck.

He watched the vampire move toward his neck agonizingly slow. The moment dragged on and his life started to flash before his eyes, but his revelry was interrupted when he caught a glint of metal out of the corner of his eye. The glint was not there a second ago; at least the watcher thought that was the case. He was proven right when a metal pipe slammed into the side of the vampire's head. The demon fell to the side and Giles jumped at the opportunity driving his stake into the demons undead heart.

The vampire transformed into dust before his eyes, which was an immense relief to the watcher. Only his survival instinct and gnawing curiosity kept Giles from remaining face up on the floor as he caught his breath and tried to figure out how the hell he actually won. With more than a little effort and a few mumbled curses, the librarian made it to his uncooperative, wobbling feet.

* * *

"Look out!" shouted Willow as the vampire started to charge her unsuspecting friend's back.

Xander ducked a wicked slash from the vampire in front of him smirked slightly as he glanced under his arm for a split second to see the other vampire closing in on him and noticed a crossbow bolt laying a step behind him. The vampire in front of him was taking the fight so seriously, continually growling and snarling as he fought, that it was fun to watch. He had to admit, besides the aching muscles, lack of energy, and concern for his friends; he was having fun and thoroughly enjoying the fight. His enjoyment was probably a bad thing, because a plan was forming in the boy's head, a stupid plan. A plan that was probably too risky when it came to his friends, but would be so cool to try. 

He snapped upright and blocked another attack at the wrist with the pipe; then immediately followed with a weak strike to the vampire's knee. The beast barely moved with the impact and slashed again at the boy's unguarded throat. The tensed hand raced toward Xander with its dirty claws bared ready to sink into soft skin and rip its way out, but the vampire's action played right into the young man's hands.

He tried as hard as he could to keep from laughing as he saw the hand coming at him while he listened to the vampire behind him start to scream his fury and anticipation. The warrior stepped backward, placing his weight on the bolt. He threw his feet forward and his back backward and waved his arms in his best imitation of an uncontrollable fall.

The fact that the strike coming toward his neck and passed harmlessly in front of his face was a happy coincidence to the three observers that gasped collectively as they watched him fall. However, when their friend's waving arms happened to drive the metal pipe into the charging vampire's shins, cutting off his means of locomotion and sending the demon lurching forward, that was an instance of supreme luck. But when the demon landed on Xander's coiled legs that then catapulted the vampire onward on it's new path, a path that ended with a bone crushing collision with his comrade; now that was a miracle.

Xander slowly rolled forward into a sitting position and grinned as wide as humanly possible when he witnessed the tangle of flailing limbs writhing in front of him. With a long groan that came from the pain in his shoulders and legs, the delighted warrior used the pipe to drag himself to his feet. He approached the tangled mass quickly and found the vampire's heads within. A quick and brutal strike with the pipe splattered blood across the cold, gray, concrete floor and knocked the vampires unconscious.

Seeing the blood dripping from the end of the metal pipe was slightly disgusting to the young man, but it shouldn't have caused the panic that was washing over him at that moment. His body seized up, but his heart was racing like he was running as fast as he could. 

He forced air into his lungs and worked to loosen up his body, relaxing his mind along with his body and letting all his surface thoughts fall away. Suddenly, the young man gripped the pipe with both hands and flung it to the right as hard as he could. Only the loud metallic clang followed by a fading groan made the young man look over to see Giles staking a vampire and the pipe rolling across the factory floor.

'Looks like we found out where all of that panic was coming from' he thought to himself. 'Man, I hope I actually meant to do that, or maybe Giles is just the luckiest man this side of forever.'

"Anybody got a stake?" he called to his friends, who had lost all thoughts of helping their friend as they watched the last three seconds of the fight.

"Oh, wait, I found one," he called as he picked the still intact crossbow bolt that had been rolling around its fletched end.

Two quick jabs with the weapon ended the fight quicker than he had figured on.

"Rather be lucky than good, huh?" he asked his friends with a huge grin. "Man, that was almost too easy."

Xander barely finished his sentence before all of the air was knocked out of his lungs by a falling vampire. The demon had watched the fight from the catwalks, waiting for his chance to gain revenge on the boy below him who had maimed his hand the night before. 

The boy had been a blur of steel and flesh that night, as he ripped through the vampires. The demon was lucky enough to only be caught on the fringe of that deadly storm; he could only watch as the blade slashed through the air, taking his fingers with it and leaving his right hand useless. 

The vampire saw the opening when the boy dispatched the vampires below. He was weaponless and tired; he was dead!

The demon dove from the scaffolding, watching his prey grow closer and closer. He landed on Xander's back, depositing sudden pressure on his knees and ankles. The young man's left ankle rolled to the side, placing too much stress on his left knee, which caused his legs to buckle. With his prey on his knees, the vampire wrapped his arm around his throat while he drove his fist into his side several times. Two ribs bent and broke and his kidney became heavily bruised under the supernatural force that plowed into his side. 

The fight was almost over before it had even begun, as the vampire moved his mouth to Xander's neck, savoring the moment before the boy's blood would flow like a fine, macabre wine. The vampire's vision burst with white when his prey drove his head backward, connecting squarely with the demon's nose.

A brief opening presented itself, but Xander had only enough energy to slip out from underneath the arm that had been cutting off his air supply. He landed firmly on his back, looking up at his assailant. 

His body shrieked in protest, but he forced his legs up to wrap around the vampire's neck. He could not contain the scream that issued from his throat as he pulled his legs down and twisted his body. The vampire was pulled over his victim's supine body, to land on his back with his neck bent to the side, and tremendous pressure on the joint. Xander quickly adjusted to gain more leverage on the vampire's neck and twisted further, eliciting a sharp exclamation of pain from his entrapped victim. His breath was shallow, but he held on tenaciously, unwilling to let go of the hold that was saving his life. He had the tiger by the tail and no way of letting go.

The harsh yet comforting sound of a vampire dusting was soothing to the young boy's body, as he felt his opponent disintegrate. He slowly forced his body to relax, finding that his senses were swarming with pain, and once again he felt his body sagging with exhaustion from tapping into his internal strength to gain the power to drive past the pain. His chest rose and fell rapidly, pulling in big gulps of air, but no amount of inhaling could fill the hollowness that he felt in his chest once again.

He tried to get up to see who had killed the last vampire, but his injured side and exhausted body would not cooperate long enough for him to make his attempts seem like anything more than an overly ambitious dream. The dim blur that surrounded his vision from his useless attempts made the face that entered his vision undistinguishable. His luck was no better with the others that also came to hover overhead. Thankfully, each blur was surrounded by a halo, each of which a different color, which gave the young man enough clues to establish the identity of the nebulous faces.

"Remind me to never say anything is 'too easy' ever again," he said, as the faces, and his mind cleared. "Can I get a little help? I seem to be having a horizontal moment."

Xander took a deep breath when Willow and Buffy grabbed his hands and concentrated on letting it out slowly as he was pulled to his feet, so he would not grunt, groan, or more likely scream in pain. 

"Woah! Maybe we should've spent a little more time horizontal," Buffy said as her friend leaned heavily on her and his knees wobbled under him.

"If I wasn't such a gentleman, I might take you up on that offer," he answered with a smirk.

'Not the brightest thing to say to a girl who just had her boyfriend turn on her, supposedly after they just had sex,' he thought, berating himself as he felt her body stiffen and saw her jaw clench.

"So, who do I owe my life to tonight?" He still leaned heavily on his friends, with his legs wobbling underneath him like rubber. "I'm thinking of buying them dinner, although it seems to happen so often that I'd be broke by Friday."

"Cordelia was the one who staked it," Willow answered. "I would have shot him, but… well, it happened so quick, you were standing and talking and suddenly you were on the ground, and I was so surprised and then I missed. And I was so scared that I didn't know what to do, and you looked so hurt, and I didn't even know what my name was for a second, I'm so sorry, you could have…"

"Hey, it's okay, I understand," he said, pulling her into a hug. "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you either."

Giles walked beside the three slow-moving friends on their way to the door. The fact that they had only won in order to face the real threat was not lost on him. At that very moment the three vampires could be putting the Judge together and planning to set his evil power loose upon humanity. Experience told him that he would have another night with little to no sleep. He would trudge through the endless stacks of ancient tomes in search of the secret that would be the key to victory. And with countless books saying the same thing, he did not have much hope for a miraculous discovery. Of course, he had to try. The fact that he also had to deal with the mysterious defection of Angel, along with the repercussions that the act had upon his slayer, did not fill him with much enthusiasm.

"I'm afraid we have a long night of research ahead of us," he declared, as they reached the flame-blackened doors.

Willow smiled and locked eyes with Xander, who she knew was thinking the same thing. 

"Round Robin?"

"You read my mind."

* * *

"You know, this just proves my theory that all of these books are actually the same one, just with different covers," Xander called out from behind a stack of books accompanied by the sound of a book slamming shut.

Willow walked up behind her friend's chair and moved the book he had just closed onto a larger stack in the middle of the table. When Xander grabbed for another book she grabbed it from him and frowned disapprovingly.

"You should be in bed," she admonished. "If you won't go to the hospital, at least go get some sleep." 

"We need all the eyes we have, even if they aren't connected to the sharpest minds. Besides, I'm not even tired," he retorted, but his statement was punctuated by a long and loud yawn. 

Willow smirked at him knowingly, but she did not say anything. Xander knew that she was well aware of the irony from her Mona Lisa smile.

"Oh like that counts," he said indignantly. 

Willow furrowed her brow at him and gave him the look that was a combination of disbelief and amusement. She still did not have to speak; he knew what she was saying to him through the changes of her expression.

I don't care; I'm still helping."

"I'm afraid she's right, we have plenty of people researching, and Ms. Calendar will be here in a few minutes," added Giles, from behind his own stack of books.

Another yawn came unbidden and Xander begrudgingly admitted defeat, much to the visible delight of Willow. He slowly walked away from the table, trying to look as normal as possible, instead of like the invalid that he felt like. He pushed open the door to the library office and found someone that he had hoped to avoid for a while.

Buffy sat at the desk slumped over with her head resting on an old book, sleeping soundly. He did not know what to say to her, his hatred of Angel had been well documented over the past year and a half, but he never could have imagined that it would have all turned out so badly. Well, if he was completely honest with himself, he had imagined that it would turn out this bad, but the last thing anyone needed was for him to be telling them all that.

She looked so small like that, and it was easy to remember that even with all of her power and speed, she was still a seventeen year old girl, who never asked for this responsibility. The sad fact was that no matter how small she looked or how much he wanted to protect her, she was stronger than he could fathom, except when it came to her heart. He could feel her despair pouring out of her while she slept and could taste the heartache that surrounded her. All he wanted to do was take her in to his arms and let her feel safe, let her feel protected, and maybe, if she really wanted to, feel loved.

Instead, he quietly moved over to the small couch that was pushed up against the office's wall across from the desk, and slowly lowered himself down onto it. The sudden relief of pressure on his sore knee and ankle felt so good that he had to repress a moan of relief that came unbidden to his lips. The bandage tightly wound around his torso was restricting his breathing, but, in exchange for the lack of shooting pain, it was a small price to pay.

His eyes slowly closed, and his mind wandered as his body settled in for what would prove to be a fitful slumber.

* * * 

Buffy's head snapped up violently, her body rigid and trembling slightly, her muscles straining as her mind struggled to regain consciousness and catch up with the instinctual actions of her body. When her vision cleared she found herself sitting at Giles' desk unsure of why she had awakened so quickly. Her query was answered promptly when she heard the sound that had broken her out of her slumber.

"No! No! Noooo!" 

Buffy turned to find Xander moaning the word over and over as he thrashed around on the leather couch, making his distress clearly evident to the slayer. His eyes were shut tight and his right shoulder was peaking out of the neck of his shirt, partially immobilizing his right arm. The bottom of the shirt was bunched up around his chest, wrapped tightly against his body and trapped between his flesh and the leather couch.

His fist slammed into the wall above the young man's head freeing his right arm from its cotton incarceration, but causing a hole in the drywall and once again trapping his fist in the process. Xander's thrashings only intensified as his right hand oscillated within the hole searching for freedom.

Buffy quickly knelt by her friend's side looking to still his violent outburst and wake him from his nightmare. His left forearm landed heavily on her chest upsetting her balance and sending her sliding across the floor. The slayer grimaced slightly as she stood up and wiped the dust off of her butt before moving back into the amalgamation of thrashing limbs and pained moans.

Another heavy left arced toward her, but quick reflexes allowed her to duck the blow. However, she was not prepared for the back swing, which caught her neck in the crook of the elbow and pulled her into the frenzy. She landed on her friend's chest with the side of her face pressed into his shoulder.

"Xander, wake up!" she cried. 

Buffy intercepted his right elbow before it could connect with her head when he finally pulled his arm loose of its prison and another quick strike ended with a firm grasp of Xander's left wrist. Using her hip to gain leverage she finally pinned his hands to the couch and immobilized his chest and shoulders.

"Come on Xander, wake up!" she panted as his chest and head sporadically twitched before finally stopping entirely.

Buffy, who had relaxed her guard when her friend calmed, was suddenly pushed up and against the wall, as Xander's eyes snapped open with a gasp and lunged forward to sit upright and stared forward blankly, his chest heaving. His hands clutched at his thighs to stop from shaking, but the shiver only traveled up his arms to his shoulders and then his chest. Tremors radiated through his body, from his chest, and caused each deep inhale and exhale to quiver, but he continued to stare ahead blankly; his body was awake, but his mind was unable to tear away from his awful dream.

Buffy could feel horror and pain surround her; she could feel it filling her nostrils and invading her mind with panic. With a supreme act of will, Buffy forcibly pushed away the feelings that were so foreign to her slayer spirit, but the emotions still hung in the air like a thick humidity. To her dismay and concern, Xander remained unresponsive and continued his blank staring.

"Xander! I think we've moved to a whole new level of wigging here," Buffy said, trying to keep herself from panicking and tentatively moved to place her hand on her friend's shoulder. 

When her hand made contact, the heat bleeding through the fabric of his shirt was astonishing, but Buffy had little time to be concerned with the rapid increase in temperature. 

Instead her world was awash with new sensations. Her skin was shivering underneath a swirling winter wind that had no business being in southern California, let alone indoors. Her ears were assaulted by the sounds of metal meeting metal and the yells of furry punctuated by the final screams of the dying. A flash of white light burned in front of her eyes, blinding her for a brief second, and when her vision cleared she was no longer looking at the dim office; she was standing in a large field surrounded by armored men. 

The field was awash with fresh blood, assaulting her with its pungent smell. The sounds of battle was less than even a second before, as one army triumphed over the other, but about twenty yards away, the fighting had only truly just begun. The Judge had never known defeat before, and although his army had been driven from the field, he had every intention of destroying the men foolish enough to stand against him.

Lightning spread outward from the Judge through the soldiers who had surrounded him. The armored men touched by the perverted element fell to the blood moistened earth, never to rise again. With the way clear, Buffy received her first glimpse of the Judge in all of his deadly glory, wielding a great sword that was as large as Buffy herself.

She watched as man after man charged the beast and found death. Men with families, men with futures, all found horrible deaths awaiting them as their bodies' were smashed upon the anvil that was the Judge. The luckiest died the quick death of a cloven skull or a punctured chest; the unlucky souls felt the mortal touch of the Judge and were burned away from the inside, their humanity taken from them.

Buffy tried to charge the beast and stop the battle, but her feet remained firmly entrenched in the red mud that surrounded her. All of her effort only made her sink further into the macabre mire. Her eyes followed the fight while she struggled and sank. A glimpse of light through the press of soldiers revealed to Buffy a familiar figure. Xander strode through the army to stand before the beast. His head remained raised proudly, even though his arms remained locked at his side. Buffy screamed as he calmly watched the gigantic sword rise above his head and arc downward. 

Another flash of light blotted out the grisly sight of the piles of corpses surrounding the terrible might of the Judge. She found herself once again lying on the couch, her arm wrapped around Xander's shoulders and pulling him against her chest. 

Buffy was desperately trying to understand what she had just witnessed, when Xander tensed suddenly and gasped in shock. Buffy pulled his head away from her chest when she felt his breath catch on the material of her shirt. 

His eyes were wild and frantic, wide open and shifting around quickly. He searched the room without recognition for a brief second, until his gaze focused on Buffy. His frenzied gaze held hers, staring deeply into her eyes and, as it felt to her, into her soul. 

His eyes were unlike anything she had seen from him. Actually, she admitted, they were all too similar to the feral gaze that was leveled at her by her friend when he was possessed by the hyena, but she also found his gaze profoundly different. Before, his eyes spoke of base emotions and carnal wants, the pure conscienceless state of a beast; now, his gaze held the wild look of a wounded animal, constantly searching for and perceiving danger, unable to allow a kind hand to caress for fear of the slap.

Buffy shivered and wanted to break the connection; the sheer intensity of the moment was unsettling and left her feeling exposed, but she also felt the sanctity of the moment. She could feel him finding himself through her, through her friendship.

It was Xander who finally broke the connection, forcibly moving his gaze to the side, before his head fell and his conscious mind discovered the horror that his subconscious did not want to share. To his horror, he watched as the men died, but the serenity that he felt from himself in the vision did not correspond with the feeling of doom that seemed to grow stronger as he approached. The feeling only grew stronger as he watched the Judge grow closer until he was in front of the beast and the massive sword was raised above his head and crashed down toward him.

Buffy moved closer to hold him, when she was startled by his sudden lunge toward her. His arms wrapped themselves securely around her, clutching at her shoulder blades, and his head fell to her shoulder burying itself into the safety of her soft flesh and fragrant blonde hair.

Xander tried to focus on the comforting touch of his friend, tried to assure himself that he was still alive, but the vision was so real. The vision in his head only intensified as he replayed every second of his death. Each time it was the same outcome, but the details seemed to become clearer and the feelings more intense. The sound of the blade as it sliced through the air, the groans of the dying and the grunts of those still fighting, filled his ears, but the most unnerving sensation was the detached calm he felt as it was all happening.

"Xander, don't let it beat you Xander," Buffy pleaded, feeling confused and lost as his emotions traveled through her. "Xander, find your way back Xander. Xander."

He heard his name being called, but it sounded like it was coming from more than one direction at a time. He tried to focus on the voice; it sounded like Buffy's voice, but it did not seem like her. Her voice echoed inside and outside of the vision, but the echo was not the same, like there were two different voices, one voice was close, and soft, pleading, but encouraging. The other scream tore at his heart, compelling him to find it and help, but it seemed to be coming from far away. He tried to focus on the scream, and found the vision growing more focused and the outside world bleed away. For a brief moment he saw golden hair in the distance, and the scream reached him with total clarity, and the vision stopped.

"Please don't leave me, we need you," Buffy whispered. "Okay, I need you. I can't do this without you; I don't know if I can face him without you there. Please look a…"

Buffy's soft words were interrupted by a gasp when Xander's head snapped up, and he looked at her with clear eyes.

"I don't know what just happened, but I know that it scares me," he said with an even tone, while trying to maintain a steady voice. 

"Oh God, I thought you had decided to check out of the sanity hotel for good on me," Buffy said, trying to mask her raw emotions with a glib response.

"I am here for you, just like you were there for me," he responded, his eyes holding hers and conveying his thanks clearly. 

"Xand, did we really share a vision?"

"I think so. Maybe all of the energy coming from the Judge affected us more than we thought. I don't know if I can really talk about what happened yet, at least not the finale."

"Xand, it's okay. I'm here. If there's one person who knows what it feels like to die, it's me. Actually, it's kind of comforting to know I'm not alone; hey, maybe we can start a club."

"Yeah, we can have meetings and everything. I call treasurer," he joked. 

His smile faded quickly to be replaced by the intensity of before, "Buffy, I don't know if I could have made it out of that without you."

"I guess that makes us even. Although I don't know if it's smart to be keeping score when we're about to face a demon that needed a whole army to beat it."

"Yeah, where's an army when you need one?"

The two friends laughed and hugged each other closely, feeling close to one another beyond the physical touching. They had shared in a type of honest and vulnerable moment that bonds two souls together. 

Xander had to admit that it felt good to laugh as well, "I could see it now," he thought to himself. "The army shows up and tries to fight the judge like some sort of Japanese monster film, with all of the tanks, the guns, and the rocket launchers. Tanks…guns…rocket launchers!"

"Oh my god!" Xander exclaimed pulling away from his surprised friend.

"What! What happened!" Buffy asked, worried that he was having a relapse; she did not think that she could handle another episode right now.

"I think I'm getting an idea," Xander explained, and then sat immobile with a look of extreme concentration on his face. After five seconds of silence a large, slightly maniacal smile stretched his lips. "Oh yeah, that is definitely an idea. I would almost say it is a great idea, but then again all of my ideas are great when they're still in my head. The trick is getting in. I'll need a truck, or a van… Oz's van. I'll need a distraction, an explosion! No, that will tip them off. Maybe go over the fence? No, probably monitored. I got it, the perfect distraction!"

"Xander!" Buffy interrupted, clearly lost in the unidentifiable babble. "What is your idea, why a van, what is this about a fence, where is the explosion, what the heck is your plan?"

"I can't tell you; you can't afford to get caught. We have to figure out where the judge is going to be, and we have to do it fast. I'm going to need time to get into character."

* * *

"Before we start the meeting, I think I should make an announcement," Jenny Calendar said at the large table surrounded by the rest of the gang. "I owe all of you an apology. I'm not Jenny Calendar, well, I am, but not really, and I'm not a computer science teacher, well, I guess I am that too."

Jenny inhaled deeply and clenched her fists digging her nails deeply into her palms, before speaking again. "Let me start over. I'm not here just to teach computer science, I was sent by my people to watch the vampire known as Angelus, to tend to his curse and see that it was never broken. I was sent to make sure that he maintained his eternal penance and suffer unquenchable guilt. You see, a moment of pure happiness would end the curse devised by my people, and now I'm afraid that my mistake will cost all of you."

The table sat in silence; unable or unwilling to comprehend the information that had crashed down upon them. The silence was not deafening, but their thoughts certainly were. The idea that they had been betrayed by someone whom they had let into their circle, someone who they saw everyday, and someone who was supposed to be an authority figure. The idea that all of this could have been avoided, if only they had known. The man they were beginning to trust would never have defected and never have hurt Buffy. It seemed that at that moment the rest of the table realized the implications that Jenny's confession had on the young woman seated at that very table, as all eyes turned to her.

The slayer slowly stood up and turned toward the teacher and growled out her command, "Get out!"

It was a simple phrase, but it rolled from deep in her chest like thunder and left no one present in the dark about her current attitude toward one Jenny Calendar. Or whatever her name was.

"I know you're upset, but I want to help. I know about Angelus," Jenny pleaded to the assembly. "I know how he works. I can help you stop him. I can help you put an end to his evil. Please, don't shut me out."

Her soft eyes met Giles, seeking some form of comfort, but only found hard unemotional eyes glaring back, and a listless response, "You heard her, get out."

The others watched as Jenny slowly turned and walked out of the library, her stride unwavering as she put on a show of confidence. The group flinched slightly when the double door clapped together after her passing. After a few more seconds, Buffy cleared her throat and addressed the remaining group.

"Forget about her, we've got a demon to stop," Buffy stated, meeting everyone's gaze to ensure that they understood the gravity of the situation. Only after everyone nodded their agreement did she proceed, "Xander, I hope you didn't need Ms. Calendar for this plan of yours."

"No, there won't be any change, but I'm going to need just about everyone else for it to work."

"Wait! Xander is the one with the plan?" Cordelia exclaimed. "Anyone else feeling less than happy about this? I mean, we are talking about the same guy who wore Velcro shoes till he was eight because he couldn't figure out how to keep his shoes tied."

"So I guess you have a plan?" patronized Xander in a much harsher tone than intended. He was far beyond nervous about his plan. The idea that the lives of his friends were placed securely in his hands was nerve wracking, and, sadly, he was taking it out on Cordelia. "Or were you just going to hope that the Judge chokes and dies on all of that perfume you're wearing?" 

Cordelia slumped in her chair and glared at him, not wanting to let him know how much his words had stung. She did not want to admit to herself that she had put on the extra perfume to catch his attention, and she definitely did not want to admit that to him.

Xander felt like the biggest jerk in the world. He could feel the disappointment and rejection seeping out of Cordelia despite her heavy emotional barriers. Her emotions did not flow like it did from other people, her emotional barrier felt like scars covering old wounds; thick and gnarled. He wondered what could have caused such a self-confident girl to carry such barriers and could not help feeling responsible for some of the emotional wounds that had caused the scarring. He wanted to apologize, but he knew that he could not do it in front of everyone. She would only get defensive and lash out at him to show that he did not have the power to hurt her, so was left to swallow his regret and move forward. 

"For the plan to work, we need know where the Judge is going to be, and I really have no clue where that is," Xander said sheepishly. "So I'd appreciate it if somebody would jump in with some help on that."

"Well, some of the accounts that we have read of the battle describe a power binding ritual that kept the Judge from taking new souls, which allowed the survivors to wear down the demon and destroy it." Giles declared, standing up and speaking in the rhythmic inflection that normally accompanied his historical lectures. "The effects would have worn away long ago, but it is safe to assume that the Judge would need to regain his lost energy. The best way to do so would be to find a large group of life energy in one place."

"So, they'll be hitting the Bronze," stated Buffy; she had already assumed the destination. It was just the way things happened, like the butler always doing it or the secret agent always getting a girl, it just was.

"Small problem, the Bronze is closed tonight. Somebody smashed up the place last night after we left," supplied Willow. "So they decided to start the annual fumigation early while the new tables and stuff come in."

Cordelia stared at Xander from across the table. She had a good idea what had caused the damage at the Bronze despite the story that he had given her. It had seemed too coincidental for it to be true, and after watching him in action at the factory, she realized that too many things about the enigmatic young man were a coincidence. She watched the young man turn to her and give her a questioning look and a goofy grin in response to her scrutiny, but she was not fooled, there was more to the boy in front of her than he was letting on. She wondered why nobody else seemed to be saying anything about it. Why was she the only one who could see past Clark Kent?

"So, no Bronze?" asked Buffy, not hiding the disappointment in her tone, and not really wanting to. "Where else are we going to find a bunch of people? What else is there to do in this town?"

Oz raised his hand slightly above his head and called for everyone's attention. "Uh, guys? I know where I would go if there was nothing else to do on a Friday night." 

* * *

The Sunnydale Mall was alive with the life's blood of capitalism as people of every age wandered from storefront to storefront, searching through the variety of designer clothing and discount appliances placed in one convenient location. Families and couples traversed the maze of dead end alleyways and circular paths, avoiding kiosks and indigent teenagers, who slurped down carbonated drinks and remained surprisingly sedentary considering the explosive combination of caffeine and hormones coursing through their veins.

The mall had two levels. The top level was a large track that surrounded an open area overlooking the ground floor. Two sets of stairs lead up to the top floor and the main entrance, creating a triangle with the large glass double doors at the apex. 

Buffy and Giles watched the main entrance from behind a mall kiosk on the ground floor, waiting impatiently. They were waiting for the rest of the gang to show up carrying phase two of their suicidal plan. However, if they were honest with themselves, they were also waiting for Angel and Spike to show up with the Judge, ready to steal their energy and that of the rest of the innocents that milled about them.

Xander was very tight lipped about phase two of the plan. When questioned, he explained that the phrase 'no weapon forged' didn't apply to today's firepower. After that, he promised Buffy enough firepower to do the job, but he avoided expounding on the details. Then when questioned further, he only muttered something about plausible deniability. When the interrogation did not stop, he quickly exited along with Willow, Oz, and Cordelia, who could be heard down the hall complaining that her boots were stylish and not slutty.

Buffy quietly admitted to herself that she did not feel entirely comfortable trusting Xander with the fate of the world, and she had the feeling that Giles was thinking the same thing. She turned and looked over at her watcher, but found that he was doing just as his title dictated, he was watching her closely. It was then that she realized that Giles was also feeling uncomfortable about her own role in tonight. 

She really could not blame him for his doubts. The last fight between the two star-crossed lovers was a total non-issue. She could barely find the focus to stand, let alone, fight Angel, and now she was supposed to destroy him. His soul was gone and he was just another vampire, just another demon, whose life was meant to end at the end of her stake. 

Could she really drive the stake through her love's heart, through her own? she asked herself. Her answer gave her little comfort; she could already feel a portion of the pain she knew she was ordained to inflict upon herself, and it was tightening around her chest, making her breath come shallower and her head swim. She was not sure she could stand up to the mind numbing and heart shattering pain that she awaited.

While she contemplated her predetermined despair, the other four of the group entered. They were carrying what she assumed was a heavy object, judging by the fact that Xander was carrying it with two hands, wrapped in a plastic bag from the GAP.

"I'm happy to report that phase two worked better than I thought it would," declared Xander when he stopped in front of Buffy. "Although I was pretty sure we were going to be caught ever since I said the words, 'I have a plan.'"

"Well, I'm glad to know that your pessimism was duly rewarded," stated Giles, looking at the bag skeptically. The watcher had a black duffel bag slung over his shoulder, carrying what everyone assumed was some sort of weapon. "Is someone going to tell us what exactly phase two was?"

"Well, promise you won't get mad." Willow said from beside Xander.

"A word of warning, never begin a sentence with such a disconcerting phrase."

"Just tell him, Wills," Xander said under his breath.

"But he didn't promise," responded Willow.

"Oh please, we stole a missile launcher from the army base," Cordelia blurted out, obviously annoyed by the delay. "Xander's stupid plan was to take me into an army base with some stupid story about wanting to have sex in the armory. So we got in and passed a missile launcher out the window to Willow and Oz."

"So why the bag?" asked Buffy.

"Oz figured it would be too conspicuous to walk into a mall with a box labeled property of the United States Army," gushed Willow, "so we grabbed one outside before we came in."

"So I guess we have to just wait and hope that the bad guys actually show up," Buffy said.

No more than two seconds after the words had left her mouth, the doors to the mall opened and several darkly dressed people walked through proceeded by a seven foot tall blue skinned man wearing chain mail. Angelus walked beside the behemoth and Drusilla took up the other side, this time not accompanied by Spike in his wheelchair.

"Some day you are going to have to tell me how you do that," Xander said as he riffled through the bag and the case pulling out clumps of straw before he pulled out the missile launcher. A few sequenced movements later and he was holding an armed anti-tank weapon.

"Happy birthday Buff, I hope you like the color."

The vampires quickly spread out to herd the human cattle toward the slaughter while the first rumblings of danger started moving through the crowd. The Judge reached out and grabbed a passing man by the neck and began to try and take his life force. His female companion tried to pull him away, but she received the other hand around her neck for her efforts. The man and woman let out a strangled grown before blue lightning shot out and attached to two more innocent bystanders and then two more from them. 

Angelus' hand shot out in front of the Judge and caught a crossbow bolt aimed at the demon's neck. The vampire collided with the demon's arm and the current of life energy was broken, leaving those who were caught in it to fall limp to the tile floor. The Judge thrust out his hands launching the limp bodies held in them away from him and crashing into a group of bystanders frozen by fear.

The Judge looked down past the bolt still held in front of him to see Giles holding a crossbow loosely in his hands, calmly staring at the blue behemoth.

"You fools, no weapon forged can harm me," the Demon intoned in his deep rumbling voice.

"Quite right, but I believe she has something to say about that," he said with a jerk of his head to the side toward a mall kiosk, which Buffy stepped out of aiming the launcher quickly.

"That was then, this is now."

Buffy rocked back on her heals from the opposing force as the missile shot out of the green cylinder flying at the Judge's broad chest. Drusilla and Angel shared a worried look before leaping off the landing and away from the missile's target. The Judge was far more confused than concerned and so he made no move to avoid the projectile, which proved to be his undoing as the explosive impacted with its concussive force. 

The area where the Judge once stood was consumed with black smoke, concealing the Judge and leaving everyone to wonder if the attack had been successful. The acrid smoke slowly dispersed and wafted toward the mall's ceiling, triggering the sprinkler system. Water rained down from the metal nozzles around the mall, quickly soaking the shoppers and causing the black smoke to dissipate and reveal a large collection of broken demon parts, blackened but not incinerated. The Judge had broken apart like a clay statue.

Buffy watched the minion vampires carry an unconscious Drusilla out the glass doors, quickly slinking away with their tails between their legs, but she did not see Angel anywhere.

"Pick up the pieces, but keep them separate," Buffy ordered, rubbing her shirt along the metal launcher before dropping it and pulling out a stake. She surveyed the surrounding area and spotted the shadow of Angel's coat disappear around a corner, and she quickly gave chase.

"Great, pieces, we help stop a deadly demon and all we get for this are pieces," Cordelia complained as she climbed the stairs.

"Yes, quite astute, but such is the life of a watcher, I dare say you'll get used to it" Giles remarked as he followed, putting the crossbow back into his duffel bag.

"Gross! Keep your predictions to yourself. I can almost feel you dressing me in tweed with your eyes."

Xander followed the two, barely paying attention to anything around him; he was too pleased with himself and too relieved that the Judge was destroyed. He could not feel the demon's presence anymore; he figured that the intense heat must have burned some small pieces away and destroyed any chance of the demon being reborn. Truthfully, he was looking forward to getting a good night sleep without the demon's aura disturbing him.

He watched Willow and Oz work together, picking up charred remains and putting them in the large gap bag; he could already see the burgeoning romance developing between them. He watched the telltale way that they shied away from each other when their hands touched when reaching for the same pieces or the coy smiles that they shared after the brief contact. He could not figure out if he was happy for them or jealous of what they had found. He figured it was probably somewhere in the middle. He contemplated helping them, but he doubted his ability to censor all of the snide, protective comments he wanted to send toward Willow's new beau. 

He was about to bend down and join the salvage, when he noticed finally Buffy's absence. He shook his head, throwing off his previous thoughts and searched all around him. He scoured the mall with his eyes, but couldn't find a trace, until he spotted a humanoid shadow moving back and forth along the wall, leading to another part of the mall.

Without a word, Xander slipped away from the group and circled around the second floor, trying to see what was causing the strange movement of the shadow. His question was quickly answered when a smaller shadow came into view and moved in concert with the other shadow, kicking in an all too familiar style.

The Buffy shadow connected with a kick, but the larger shadow accepted the attack on its shoulder and closed in for a grapple, intermingling the shadow and obscuring Xander's view of the action before disappearing completely. The young man sprang forward and sprinted around the circular walkway that constituted the mall's second floor. When he finally caught sight of the fight, Buffy was pinned against the wall with Angel moving in for a deadly kiss.

The stairs connecting the two floors ran directly toward the deadly embrace, but the distance was too far for Xander to reach the scene in time. A quick glimmer of an idea flashed through his head, giving him barely enough time to fully understand the repercussions, but long enough to change his trajectory slightly as he ran toward the stairs.

"Buffy!" he shouted, as he grabbed a metal stand holding a makeup advertisement and a poster for a newly released movie.

Two more steps placed him within range of the stairs and that was when he threw the metal stand at the handrail. The bottom of the stand was a wide rectangle for stability, and it collided with the brass handrail and bounced back slightly, causing the stand to balance precariously on the rail.

Xander leap toward the stair as the metal display teetered on the railing and landed on it with his feet planted on either end of the metal frame, effectively straddling the handrail. His forward momentum started the ill-advised ride downward. With knees bent, he shifted his weight quickly side-to-side to stay balanced and not break his neck trying to perform such a foolish stunt.

The high pitched shriek of metal scraping against metal caught the attention of everyone left in the mall, and more importantly interrupted Angel from taking a bite out of Buffy's neck. The slayer took full advantage of the distraction and connected with a hard knee between Angel's legs and pushed him away. 

Angel staggered back as Xander's wailing journey carried him toward the first floor at a speed far greater than he anticipated. The handrail leveled out on the ground floor and then abruptly ended, leaving an absence of track for the improvised roller coaster and sending Xander flying into space. The metal stand hit the tile floor and skipped for a few feet, bucking the young man and sending him tumbling forward to collide solidly with the already stunned vampire.

Xander's back crashed into Angel's face, but did little to stop the young man's momentum, which carried him clear over the vampire, who was knocked to the tile floor, to land on his back and shoulder three feet further. The impact drove the air from his lungs and left him gasping for a breath that continued to elude him.

Buffy watched in confusion at the sudden turn of events as Angel groaned and writhed in pain. She retrieved her stake from where she had dropped it during the fight and carefully approached Angel, who had managed to rock himself up to his knees. She prepared to plunge the wood into his dead, black heart, but her resolve crumbled when she saw his eyes look up at her imploringly. She could not bring herself to do it; her fear had come true. 

Angel smiled in triumph. His victory was assured. "You can't do it; you can't kill me."

His smile did not last long when Buffy's size-six shoe broke his jaw and knocked him unconscious. "Just give me time."

"Next time, I'm using the escalator," Xander moaned as he put his back against the wall and let his head loll to the side.

Buffy stepped over the prone vampire and walked over to her friend.

"I guess this is why we don't keep track of who saved who, huh?" she asked, looking down at him with a smile. Xander swallowed a groan as she grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet and let him lean on her as they walked off.

"Actually, my back's telling me that I'm probably going to want credit for this one."

"Sorry, you can't just go and change the rules in the middle of the game." Buffy said as they started up the stairs.

"Hey, before today you were totally keeping track, so don't give me any 'middle of the game' stuff," he huffed out haltingly as the pain in his shoulder spiked with each step up and increased pressure from Buffy's grasp. 

"How about I give you a thank you and we call it even?"

"As nice as that is to hear," Xander said rhetorically, "why don't you throw in a back rub and we'll call it a deal." 

Buffy briefly looked back at the albatross that would continue to swing from her neck until she could bring herself to finish the fight that they had started. "Maybe. Let's talk after you feel well enough to walk up the stairs under your own power." 

Xander watched her look back and saw the sad look in her eyes, and recognized the forced lightness in her tone as she picked up the flirting game. He wanted to go down there and kill the bastard, he wanted to tell her not to do him any favors, but most of all he wanted to believe her. He sighed when he realized that he could not do any of those things.

* * * 

End of Chapter 11


End file.
